Understanding Self-Harm

Living With Cuts or Burns

  (If you message me on twitter I will always try my best to get back and help you, my @ is k_newborough)  

I understand what it's like to wake up in the morning to your alarm for school and your first thought be about how you're going to cover up your cuts or burns from the previous night. Every time you want to pretend to be sick and stay at home until the pain becomes less unbearable and you can figure out a way to cover them up, but you continue going through this process anyway. I get it, and I know it sucks. A lot.

Also, summer. God, I hated summer. Goodbye to socially acceptable long sleeves or long trousers and also goodbye to bikinis. Covering something you are ashamed of up every day when it is physically there, on your body, all the time? It consumes your fashion taste and body confidence and breaks down your love for your wardrobe. I sincerely missed a few of my shirts for a good few years. 
An important note for the non-cutters reading this, please never ever ask someone why they are wearing a cardigan or jumper or trousers or whatever when it's "like omg 100 degrees", they either have an obsession with that item of clothing or are hiding something embarrassing. However if it is persistent and bordering on obsessive, and it if it someone who trusts you, please do tread around the conversation lightly if you feel a need to intervene. More details about helping cutters will be in another chapter. 

Obviously my best advice is to stop self harming so you can wear pretty dresses again and not torture yourself in PE when you have a set (shortsleeved) uniform. Unfortunately, it is not always as practical or easy as that. Therefore I do have a few tips for covering cuts if necessary, but I do not promote the idea of not telling anyone that you are suffering from self harm. This is purely for situations where it is just not suitable to show cuts or scars like job interviews, family gatherings, school etc. If you can, please please please  tell someone about your cuts and don't allow yourself to be afraid of showing them. Eventually, once you recover they will be nothing but the past and you can wear the pretty dress with your scars on show. Promise. 

Arms
For covering cuts or burns on your arms, you always have bracelets or if they are scars and you are over the age of 18 you can get a tattoo. Additionally, rubber bands or bobbles (I think Americans call them hair ties) are a good alternative to bracelets for places that have a strict uniform code. The right makeup will reduce the appearance of cuts or scars as long as they are at very least scabbed over and that is pushing it because the risk of infection is never worth it. Also, thin long sleeved layers do work especially if you incorporate it into more of a fashion style. By no means start wearing plasters (band aids for Americans) willy nilly over your arms because it is very obvious if it is frequent. 

Legs
Legs are a lot easier if they are on your thighs as they are rarely on show. However if you need to wear swimwear and do not want people to see them it is a hard place to cover. Keeping a towel on unless you are in the water are a good idea, as are shawls and things like that to shove on around your waist or hips as more of a fashion accessory. Makeup may also help but only if it is waterproof. For things like short dresses, wear cycle shorts under your dress to stop any accidents (this is a good general life tip because we all had those short-dress-strong-wind kind of incidents). 

Stomach
Again, the stomach is a much easier area to cover and the same kind of methods for leg covering works for your stomach. For all areas of the body, things like bio-oil, coconut oil, cocoa butter etc are all fabulous at reducing scars and preventing them. Definitely invest in these things to prevent relapses due to being triggered by your own scars.

Like I mentioned, I by no means am promoting the concept of hiding your self harm and promoting feelings of being ashamed. However I do understand that if you have not told anyone that you harm yourself, you may not feel ready for people to see and that is understandable. Always access the situation and do not run into telling anyone you do not trust.

As for people helping suffers, I have already said how you should not question odd attire but know where the line is. Another point to add is that if you do see someone's cuts or burns or scars, intentional or not, I know it feels like a compromising position. Do I ask them if they need help? Will that make them scared and harm themselves more? What if I don't say anything? What if I am the only one who knows? 
It's really tough. Everyone is different, some people may be completely okay with being asked about their cuts but others may spiral if anyone finds out. If you do not know the person and it is in a working environment (school, a place of employment), please do anonymously tell a member of staff about the situation and they will sort it out, it is not your responsibility to fix that person if you do not know them. However, if they are close to you like your daughter/son, friend, sister/brother, cousin etc please try and cautiously approach the situation. Let them know that you saw but do not intrude on their comfort zone until they are ready to let you in. Make them aware that you are willing to listen and support them but will not force anything on them, and focus on making them feel safe rather than interrogated. It is always better to try and reach out in any way, directly or indirectly, because a self harmer usually is not mentally stable enough to know when to ask for help. 

In summary, it is fair to say that living with cuts or scars is difficult for all involved, but it is something that, with the right knowledge, can be a problem made easier to live with.