pure fiction // ziam

thirty five

It's now March, an entire month has gone by since I last talked to Liam heck, since we've last looked at each other. He switched his entire schedule around just so he would avoid seeing me for the first half of classes we had together, which ultimately leads to me not having lunch with him. I don't even know if we're still dating, he just... left me and maybe I'm supposed to assume that we aren't dating anymore and that we won't be remotely civil about this in any way, shape, or form.

Right now it's lunch time and I am aimlessly looking around to see if I can spot Liam. On Thursdays he stays the entire lunch—from first to last—because he doesn't like to deal with the people in his drama class, he even said it 'I know this is going to sound horrible but—the people in my drama class are so fucking dramatic, I can't stand any of them.' It was funny when he said it, and now when I replay the memory in my head I have stinging feeling in my gut.

"Yo Zayn, you here?"

I was brought out of my thoughts by Gigi waving her hands in front of me.

"I'm here now"

"So you weren't listening to anything I was saying just now?"

"Nope"

Gigi looks at me and rolls her eyes, "Well come on lets go sit" she says and we find a table by the window in the side of the cafeteria.

"Do you think Louis and Harry know?"

"I don't know Zayn, I don't hang out with you guys every second of everyday. I'm not officially 'one of the guys'" Gigi said motioning with air quotes.

"Yea you're right but do you think they know?"

"Why don't you ask them right now?" Gigi said and points with her head to Louis and Harry walking to our table. I scoot over a little and give space for Harry to sit while Louis sits next to Gigi.

Gigi starts the conversation, "So guys how's the sex?"

"It's wonderful. Last night—" Louis started to say but then he was quickly interrupted before he could finish what he was saying.

"Louis!" Harry shouts.

"Damn okay, calm down" Louis responded and leaned in to whisper into Gigi's ear, "I'll tell you later" Harry rolled his eyes and payed attention to his tray.

"So um... why are you guys sitting with us?" I asked, not being able to hold back in anymore. I just have to know if they know what I did.

"Why wouldn't we be?" Louis asked.

"Because he's a lying cheating cum slut who can't just stick to one dick" Harry said. We all turned to look at him with the same expression. He's not wrong.

"Oh yeah that" Louis said and took a bite out of his tuna sandwich.

"So you guys know..." I said, with a bit of a sad tone.

"Of course we know, you can't just expect to ask why Liam skipped an entire week of school" Louis responded and that hit me, right in the heart.

"Wait what?"

"Yeah after your little sex adventure, Liam didn't come for that week after Valentine's day" Harry said and I looked at him while he was eating his salad. I looked up at Gigi who shrugged when I did, she didn't know anything about it either.

"You didn't know?" Louis asked.

"Of course I didn't know. I don't know anything about what has happened to Liam in the past month" I said raising my voice towards the end.

"Don't have to shout" Harry said.

"I'm sorry" I responded.

I felt angry at myself, more than I already was and I couldn't believe that I was the cause of all this, for the way Liam is feeling. Maybe if I just had not dated him we could have avoided this mess and everything would be fine. We would still be great friends and we'll still hang out and do things together, but nothing more. The thought immediately doesn't feel right. Having Liam just a great friend is not enough for me, I want more from him, I want love, affection and attention... which is exactly what I got but I took it for granted and I really shouldn't have from such a great person like Liam. 

Liam whose chocolate eyes make me melt and get lost in a sea of thought. Liam whose smile just feels me up with warmth from the inside out. Liam whose hair always smells like peaches. Liam whose body was handcrafted by the gods and meticulously put together to create such a human being that will seem like a figment of your imagination. Liam whose personality is just bursting with sunshine and whose kindness shouldn't go unnoticed. Liam whose voice sounds sweet and tender when talking about literally any subject you can think of, and how low and soothing it gets when he wants make you feel good with just his words. The way he dresses, it's like he's aware of how he looks and he intends to make everyone notice and drool over him meanwhile just set his heart on one person letting the admirers walk on by. Liam whose admiration for poetry and literature just fascinates me, thinking that I will never find someone who appreciates reading like I do. 

"Zayn you're crying" Gigi says, snapping me out of my thoughts. 

"Oh" I sniff and clean the tears off my cheeks, "Guess I was"