Chapter Twenty-three

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Sean

The shock was what overwhelmed me at first but then there was just nothing. As usual, I may have over reacted but can you blame me for being human? I would do anything for…

Blake was gone for sure.

I had found myself wandering around the house with no sense of direction. My mother was probably somewhere up in her room playing on her tablet. I could picture her still in her nightgown smiling down at whatever her friends posted on their Facebook accounts. The light would be good at this time of day since her room faced out to the East.

In fact that was my feet had indirectly led me. The door was closed but there was light seeping out from the bottom. If anything was good in this world, it would be in the arms of my mother. My instincts had led me right to it. I could come and go here as I pleased without being judged.

“Come in,” my mother’s voice clearly implied that she knew I was there.

I opened the door now trying very hard to fight off tears. The first things I went to was her bed where she was. Everything in here was just as I had pictured it. She was in her nightgown looking relaxed as ever. Except her tablet wasn’t in her hand and her television was on mute.

I placed my face down in the sheets, ashamed to be seen like this. The first thought that came to mind though was also the first to come out of my mouth. “Did you hear everything?”

“I did.”

“But you didn’t come out?”

Very softly she said, “Call it whatever you like but I call it a mothers intuition. I wish I could protect you from everything but deep down, I know I can’t.”

My body shook against my will just once. Tears were threatening me to fall and my bodily reaction was just a warning. “You sound just like Blake.” That was true because Blake relied heavily on his intuition. He said it had never let him down.

“You’re not going to go after him?” She didn’t move once yet but something told me she too was holding back.

I started to shake my head but went with words instead, “He’s not going to want me to. Not this time.”

I could feel her hesitating, “I… see.”

Then I had to ask a question that had been on my mind for some time now. “Why did you let me have my boyfriend over to spend the night? I mean not many other parents would let their kids… well you know.” I was feeling a shortness of breath now.

Her hand came down to the back of my head gently, “Because I know you know better. You are a gentleman and you’ve got a brain not to do anything silly or crazy like most other kids do.” Always so understanding of me even when I didn’t understand myself. “I could tell you care a lot about that boy. Letting him go just now took far more nerve of caring than trying to hold on to him with force. That boy doesn’t do well with force, you knew that. Even though it tears you up inside.”

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