Recovery / / h.s

Chapter Forty-Seven.

The steady beeping of the heart monitor was the only sure thing that my beautiful Lily was asleep and not actually gone like I had originally thought when I panicked and took the first flight back to Indiana almost two weeks before. Since then, I had lost ten pounds from stress, quit my job at the station, and nearly drove myself insane worrying about here even though I never left her side.

Lily was worse, though. It was like I couldn't go to sleep, because every morning she just seemed to look sicker and more frail. She tried really hard to put on a brave face for me, for everyone, but I knew her well enough to know that it was all bullshit. She wrote more than she ever did and she had taken in interest into my reading.

She requested I read to her every day now. Not that I minded, I would do anything for her as long as she asked
I looked at her and I felt actual pain at the sight of her. She had a tube in her nose and IV's stuck into her arm, starts of bruises around each needle they had stuck into her. The girl who's beauty was out of this world, who's heart was pure and kind, didn't deserve this.

I sat in one of the chairs near the bed, picking up her cold hand and holding it in mine. If the circumstances were different, she would make fun of how much bigger my hands were than hers. Then she'd play with my fingers and compare them to her own.

"Lillian, I'm terrified," I admitted, kissing her hand. My stomach felt like someone had just punched me and it was taking so much not to break down right there. "You're the only good thing in my life and it kills me to know that there's nothing I can do for you. You always say I save you from everything, and I just can't save you from this." The tears were almost unstoppable now, spilling out of my eyes and down my cheeks.

"Shh, it's going to be alright. Everything's going to be alright," Lillian was awake now and her voice was hoarse and almost inaudible. I attempted to quickly wipe my tears. She was already hurting enough, she didn't need to see me cry.

"How do you know?" I practically begged her for a response. As if she contained all the answers.

"I don't," she said honestly. "But I'm trying."

"It's kills me that I can't protect you from this," I played with her fingers as I spoke. I was being selfish, i knew that. She was in the hospital dying for fucks sake, and i told her about how all of this was affecting me.

"I didn't ask you to, Harry," she said calmly. It angered me that she could be so calm about all of this. She should he angry. Any normal person would be angry.

I shook my head. "What do you need? Anything, I'll get it for you. I just want you to be happy and content and better," I begged her.

She thought for a moment. "Could you get me some grape juice?"

I laughed despite the tension i felt. "Of course, Princess." I kissed her forehead before walking out of the room.
I hadn't left since they admitted her. Almost two weeks of constant hovering would drive anyone insane. I got that, but I just couldn't handle going home and sleeping in our bed alone. I belonged here with Lily. Her grape juice request was just to get me out. She knew I would do anything she asked of me without complaining. And as much as it killed me to leave her, I knew she needed some time to be alone. Even if it was just for a few minutes.
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"Styles," I handed the cashier the money to pay for Lily's juice and a muffin I had picked up for myself before turning around to pinpoint the face to whoever had called my name.
Fucking Niall. "Not now, Horan." I tried to push my way past him to the door, but he wasn't having it.

"Woah, wait. Where have you been? I haven't seen you since-" he thought about it for a minute.

"It's been awhile." I said with an eye roll.