First Christmas Without You- Wolfstar Short Story (Universe Alterations)

Remus, December 5th, 1981

Sirius

Yesterday, I surprised myself and got out some of the Christmas decorations, but lacked the energy to do much more than put a tree up. I got an artificial one. I don't think I can keep a real one alive.

I tried to send a letter to you. The Ministry won't let me. I begged for hours on end, and it made me feel so helpless. They don't trust a word out of my mouth, as we were "very close friends." They don't even know the start of it.

It snowed yesterday. There were children outside, having a snowball fight. That used to be the Marauders traditional, a snowball fight on Christmas morning each year. James and I verses you and Peter. I imagined more to come, and was looking forward to including little Harry.

I guess nothing close to this is happening.

It's so cold at night.

I've never felt more alone. Not even when I first became a werewolf.

Peter's dead, as far as I know. He disappeared and hasn't been found. The entirety of Wizarding and Muggle England has been searched, and no sight of him.

Good riddance.

I can't imagine the pain you're in.

Please, just make it out alive. Somehow.

I'm being so selfish. I'm sorry.

I love you, my star.
~Remus

I let the ink spill all over me as I watched the snow weakly fall.

I lay down in our...my bed and tried to imagine that he was there, right beside me.