First Christmas Without You- Wolfstar Short Story (Universe Alterations)

Remus, November 22, 1981

Sirius,

It's lonely without you here. That's the best way to say it. Because isolation is the key to the door of darkness.

I sound selfish. You have it much worse.

I've tried to get out of the house, but whenever I leave, I'm too overrun with memories, and break down.

The walls look plain. I repainted all of them. It hurts to look at all the beautiful murals you had up there. I'm sorry, but they made me too heartbroken. I did keep the ones in our room, though. The one of the four of us in the Gryffindor common room.

I never imagined then that today, one of us is dead and the other is dead to us.

The full moon was harder without you. I have larger scars than normal, one huge one tracing from my upper left chest all the way down to my stomach. But you didn't get hurt. By me at least.

I can't close my eyes without seeing your beauty. I want just to see you so badly.

I hope this gets through to you. I doubt it.

Please don't lose faith. I'm trying to get in, trying to tell them that you are innocent.

They don't believe me.

I miss everything about you.

You don't deserve this. Whatever is bad for me is probably exponentially worse for you.

I love you.

~Remus Lupin

I heard the quill hit the parchment, spilling ink all over my signature. And I looked at the many, many blurred words because of the tear stains that plagued the paper. And I know that he has it worse. But why is this so hard, then?