Three | 💋

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"To love at all is to be vulnerable."

- C.S. Lewis


To shave

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To shave. Or not to shave.

It was a dreaded dilemma especially during winter time. There were multiple consequences. One would be social construct that if a person didn't participate in the act of shaving then that person would experience words or facial expressions like: what and what's wrong with you? Second would be half of the person's warmth would be gone. Hair was there for a reason - to provide warmth, to protect from outside bacteria, and natural production of cells.

Wait - I had a solution!

I wore kitty-paw print night pants and a ketchup stained hoodie. The rusty color stain stood out against the tan color hoodie, right in the middle of the material. My leg hairs prickled through my cotton pajama pants. I held my dinner, a bowl of cereal and a small plate of Snickerdoodles, while I binge watched BBC Sherlock for the third time this month. Next on the list to accomplish, How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days. Netflix was a second heaven. A pure blissful distraction.

There wasn't that much to do with the night drawing in. Six o'clock appeared to experience the same sensation with darkness similar to midnight. A person could only accomplish so much during those ungodly hours.

I made a mental checklist to complete.

I called Papa earlier.

It was shortly after I arrived home from the hospital. Oh, gosh. I would never see that man – no he wasn't even a man – thing ever again. If he was serious about those hospital bills, I wasn't paying a penny. He had to suffer the outcome. My guilt melted away when I called an ambulance. I did all that I could do to help with the situation. Pointing my fingers to get the lady with her smart phone in hand to call them, I ran to retrieve the napkins on the condiments counter and then I yelled at the barista for ice. Nothing more.

When I called Papa, he answered the phone. Always in the same way.

"McKenzie residence. What do you want?" his grumble voice answered.

"Papa, your phone has caller ID," I chuckled, "You know that it's me."

"You know that I can't see anything. The font is too small!" I heard shuffling occur on the other side of the phone call.

I shook my head. "Excuses. Excuses."

There was a short deep fuss, and then he said, "Yeah, well, it's the truth."

His usual chirper tone droned down to a baritone voice. This was one of the hardest times of the year. Like retrieving milk and bread from the grocery store, I called and made arrangements. I wrote a list, two different categories of short or long goal.

"Want to go see Mama?" I asked. I switched the phone to press against my left ear as I walked into my apartment. I closed the door behind me. The automatic lock clicked.

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