His Promise Land

Journal [8]

Ashley's POV
I fidgeted nervously, my eyes couldn't stop twitching from side to side. My fingers picked at my nails like I was going to cut them into pieces and they would often crawled into my mouth and I would bite my nails off my fingers.
My eyes scanned the airport like I was expecting a terminator, a robot or an alien to pop out any minute. I honestly didn't look like I was waiting for my beloved best friend to come home.
People eyed me weirdly, earlier some stranger even came up to me and asked if I was okay and do I need a lift. Now can you imagine how anxious I looked?
My mom snorted in a very unlady like manner. I glanced at her and continued to chewed on my nails. Couldn't she feel the tension here??
"What." I snapped.
My mom snickered but didn't say anything.
My eyes continued to dart from side to side, scanning the airport hungrily. I glanced at the clock,
8:15
Jace was due to arrive any minute now.
My heart was beating like they were going to fall off and come out of my ribcage any moment now. It was beating so hard that I could hear the beats echoing inside my ears. I was so nervous but I didn't even know why.
"Relax, Ash. Take deep breaths." My mom instructed softly, stroking my back slowly.
I did what she said and for a moment it worked until I remembered the awkward way we parted and the cycle started all over again until I saw a blonde hair move, blurry in the distance. Ah, no, false alarm.
Then my back tensed again and I felt like I was going to puke my insides all over the floor. I was starting to hyperventilate again.
I couldn't wait for the moment I stop panicking and get this over with, going straight to the comfy parts of being safe and content in Jace's arms, the rest can be skipped forward.
I mulled the reasons why I was so nervous in my head. I was confused... After having spent this much time being apart, I was at loss on how to act. I mean he was my best friend and my everything... but this past months changed everything about the both us. I liked to think that I changed, that I, at least, in a way, stronger.
I survived his absence and have become a big girl, not so much as a spoiled princess anymore and I wanted to show him that while at the same time I only wanted launch myself to him and be in his arms forever.
Such was my dilemma.
My mom and uncles bickered and laughed on my expense. I bet they were having tons of fun watching me squirm and sweat bullets. I thought I was going into some kind of cardiac arrest because my heart was that out of control.
I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans and glanced at the clock again. I still have time for a quick refreshing moment in the bathroom. "I'm going to the bathroom. Just real quick." I said to the both of them, ignoring the knowing smiles on their faces.
Pfft, what was I going to do anyway? Powder my nose to death?
Yeah, well, most likely, probably, yeah.
It has been nine months since the last time I've seen Jace and I couldn't stop thinking that I will look different in front of his eyes and he wouldn't look at me or like me anymore. Which sent me into another anxious and hyperventilating episodes.
I gulped and looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. The anxious feeling inside my chest felt like hands twisting my lungs and heart.
I tidied my long hair and ran my fingers through my hair. Hoping it would stay in place and not a strand was out of place. My eyes were still their same old color and I was a bit pale because I never went outside anymore.
My cheeks were flushed because of my panting episodes but I looked like I just ran a marathon inside the airport.
The sound of the automated voice echoed in the speaker inside the bathroom, announcing Jace's flight number had arrived.
My soul felt like it might take flight any moment now.
My feet trudged slowly on the shiny airport floors and I came face to face with excited wrinkled faces. "He's going to come out soon." My mom chirped excitedly.
While my uncle, almost bounced on where he stood.
My face was going to be on the ground any moment now, I would pass out soon. I couldn't take this anymore. The excitement was too much for my poor fragile little soul.
And just like that, Jace came through the glass sliding doors. My breath caught, I almost didn't recognize him. He looked more like a prince than a soldier, in my opinion. I may be biased but well... It was justified.
His buzz cut was growing back and I knew I could lightly run my hands through his bronze strands again. His eyes were still their deep blue color and they were looking at me, staring right at me across the crowded hall.
Like always, those eyes never have any problem finding mine from across the room. Jace waved and smiled brightly, so bright I was afraid I was going to be swept up by my feelings and act on it.
But it was too late.
His voice called out to me and I found that my resolved still crumbled to nothing at his expense. His soothing, deep yet gentle voice echoed through the airport. The voice that I've missed so much.
It was as simple as that, my feet had their own will and I was running to him like my life depended on it.
Jace.
He was home.
Jace's POV
I couldn't help the excitement crashing on me, they were like rounds of bullets rained down while I was wearing a bulletproof vest. Did Ash miss me?
When the plane finally landed, the on going excited chatters between families increased. They were so excited to meet their long lost family while I too, practically bounced on my seat. It didn't help calm my fraying nerves one bit, because behind these doors, inside the airport, was Ash.
I wished I could just bolt out of the window and ran to her but I have to be composed. The perfect gentleman.
The speakers buzzed and the monotone voice of the pilot echoed, announcing our arrival. My knees bounced restlessly as my eyes were glued to the exit door.
When they finally decided to open the door I was the first one that bolted through it like the plane was on fire. Hitching my bag on my shoulder, I spared a quick smile and thanks to the staff and high tailed it out of there as fast as I can without running.
Endless see of people greeted me, various hair colors, clothes but one will always stood out to me. Like a missile locking on its target, I found her as soon as I stepped into the hall.
"Ash!"
My voice carried through the crowded hallway and her eyes widened before a smile so bright split her face, I jogged halfway through and was caught in a bone crushing hug from her, skinny arms wounding around my waist and face buried like a child in my chest, rubbing her face and sniffing sadly.
It was so endearing and I felt like my heart crumbling at the sight. I let my duffel bag fall to the ground and relaxed into the hug, inhaling her familiar scent and her touch.
Home.
Ash still looked the same like the last time I saw her, long blonde hair, pale skin, yet even paler than before. I felt worry and guilty came up at the back of my mind. Her soft features will be forever embedded in my brain. They were so... Beautiful.
Her eyes looked little glazed perhaps from unshed tears but when she was done rubbing her nose and sniffling adorably, I felt her look up and I pulled back slightly. She stared up at me with those vibrant green eyes of her, I was always reminded of Jade pools when I looked at them. I always found myself reflected in them, laid bare to to my soul because she always seemed to see through my put together mannerisms and saw all my worries, fear, guilt... And other unpleasant feelings that I wished to hide from her, most of all.
Yet when those eyes landed on me this time, I saw the quiet newfound strength in them and I found myself falling deeper and deeper into its depths, they seemed to say, I'll catch you and I'll protect you. My knees wanted to give away but with a shudder I just pulled back her into my arms and breath in deeply. Her scent was so familiar and calming that I felt lighter and calmer, just like that.
She had grown so much without me.
What will I do without her?
"Ashley." I called softly and squeezed my eyes shut. I was torn between staring at those unflinching stare or hide from the knowing look. I was proud that she has grown stronger in my absence, yet some part of me felt like she was leaving me behind. It was a little painful to be reminded of.
Ashley only tightened her arms around my height and shook her head, face still buried. I chuckled a little, toddling to mom and uncle with Ashley still secured in my arms since she had no intention of letting go, hanging on like a koala around my waist, thankfully she walked with me though she didn't look up still from her cozy spot, hidden in my chest. My heart warmed at her spoiled, yet endearing antics. Still the same Ashley, only a little stronger Ashley. I noted in my head.
It felt like the score on who protects who was balanced.
"Jace, son!" Uncle greeted, face bright with a grin, eyes dancing with mirth. He put his hand on my shoulder, still as strong as ever. He patted my back affectionally, "She was biting her nails off everyday. Waiting for the day you will be back."
"Did she?" I teased.
There was inaudible murmur from inside my arms as Ash refuted the claim.
Uncle laughed, loud and free. "Still so cute, spoiled little Ashley." More huffs and retorts from Ashley but still wasn't enough to be lured away from her hiding spot.
"Of course she is! She's my daughter!" Mom cut in, puffing out her chest proudly.
I smiled at their regular bickering. They were always like that, it was like their purpose was teasing me and Ashley and watch our embarrassment with delight.
After exchanging more pleasantries with the elders, Ash finally deemed it enough Jace recharging and pulled her face away. I smiled, "Good?
She rubbed her eyes and nodded, bottom lips jutted out in a pout. She frowned at her mom and uncle and decided to ignore them, opting to hang from my arm and glared at them from her new spot.
Uncle was crowing in laughter. "Funny how you act now that you got your knight back." He teased again and Ash just looked like she wanted to glare at him to silence. I watched the show, amused.
"Shall we go?" Mom asked.
I nodded and let out a small smile, ruffling Ashley's hair with my other hand, she looked up at me, frowning, still pouting.
I suppressed a laugh.
"Hey, Ash?"
"Hmm?"
"I'm Home."
A grin so bright stretched across her face and I was almost blinded by the brightness of it, my heart thudding faster in response.
I'm home.
Even for just a little while.

Ashley barely gave me the chance to change my clothes and greeted the others before she tugged me into the couch and curled on my chest, content on spot and promptly didn't let go, falling asleep on me.
Her grip was like vice and the weight was welcomed, a comfort on my lap. It felt like hugging a realistic china doll. She looked so beautiful there, curled up, small and content. Safe.
Uncle and mom chatted in low voices around the living room and I took the familiar sight in. It felt longer than nine months since I have been away and it felt too long and too soon to be back. I felt like I haven't grown enough in my absence.
"She's asleep?" Mom asked, a little smile playing on her lips.
"Yeah." I whispered. Not taking my eyes off of her.
There was silence for awhile, until she finally said, "She missed you a lot. For the first two months of your departure, she was a shell, Jace. Barely eating, sleeping... She was like a broken doll. She barely slept and when she did, it was a restless one. Finally, I suggested taking sleeping pills because the lack of rest couldn't good for her body." My heart stopped. Then it shattered again and again when she said, "She slept with your sweater, clutched firmly in her hands.
"She couldn't let you go, Jace. Not now and never will. She won't. It was the first time I saw her like that. I wish I could make you stay here but I know I couldn't. Not when Ash herself give you her blessings and told you to go." She took a deep breath, "She did that for you because she knew you needed to go even if she was left behind."
I was dumbfounded.
I didn't realize my presence was that strong in her. All this while I have been thinking that that my dependency on her was one way, that she was close to me only because I spoiled and took care of her and she won't miss me much when I'm gone. Perhaps a little upset that there was no one to go with her whims anymore but only that. I thought she'll move on eventually, quickly.
"I didn't... know." I finally managed to get out.
She just smiled at me sadly, "I know. That's why I'm telling you. You guys keep underestimating the love you have for each other. It's frustrating to watch." She shook her head slowly, but then she beamed. "And that's why uncle and I always tease you, we hope you will realize it but obviously we were wrong."
I stayed quite, words still failing me.
Mom reached out and squeezed my hand, I looked up at her and blinked. Confused. Her smile was sympathetic. "Your grandfather called and said he misses you."
I blinked again.
Apparently the previous statements wasn't enough and she kept dropping surprises. "He asked you to spare a little time in London for him." She looked away, "...His health..." The sentence hung in the air.
Wasn't very good.
This time, I looked away and found my arms tightened around Ashley. "Okay." I nodded.
She smiled at me and nodded at Ashley. "Take her with you. She would throw a massive tantrum if you left in the little time you are here and she would be a help to you." She added, another knowing look on her face.
I swallowed and nodded again.
She will help you face your grandfather. Was left unsaid but heavily implied. I understood. It has been years since I flew up there, though Grandfather had signed my registration form, I didn't know what he truly think of me going into the service like my father, the one who stole his only daughter away from him.
Did my decision open old wounds and anger? Was that why he fell sick? Because of me?
Mom stared like she sensed the inner turmoil going inside my head and ruffled my hair like I liked to do with Ash, the simple gesture made me weak, I felt so small and helpless. Wanting more than just to run and hug her, asking her what should I do?
She must have saw something my expression because her gaze softened, "It'll be fine. Ashley will be with you," She whispered and I only nodded, mute.
After some silence, she got up and said, "Take this time to reassure her, will you?" She hesitated then added, "She keeps feeling that she's lacking so much compared to you and every time you left, she's scared you'll come back and not want to be with her."
Impossible.
She laughed at my expression but sobered up quickly. "We all have our demons, Jace." So do you. I felt the jab but didn't comment, "And you are the only one who can exorcise those demons of hers."
I stared at the small figure in my arms, sleeping peacefully, without a care in the world. It wasn't hard to believe what was going on inside Ashley's head, she have this habit of understanding others too much except how they feel about her.
This time, I answered.
"I'll try my best." I didn't promise her, afraid that it will be another promise I couldn't keep. When it comes to Ashley, there seemed to be lots of it but I doubted she noticed my unfulfilled promises, she only looked at the ones I managed to fulfill and gave me a thumbs up, content with the ones she got.
She was always blind to her loved ones imperfections and faults and acknowledged her own faults instead like it was the worst thing ever.
I doubted I have much power persuading her, I have little power over my own feelings.
Still, I held her tighter to me.