Never Letting Go

What now?

Mercie didn't want to call him. What awaited on the other line was probably hell to pay. She should have just called him back. It would have made life easier, for him anyway. That's really all the relationship was about. Him. She picked up the phone to dial the all too familiar number. It rang and rang; then, it went to voice mail. She shouldn't call again, but she had to. Her need to talk to him burned in her. She was fighting with her self.

Pussy side: He loves you. He needs you. Call him again.

Tough girl: No he doesn't! If he did he would have answered you the first time! Don't you dial that number. DON'T YOU DO IT!

Pussy side: Call him. Just one more time. You can fix this. You love him call him...

Tough girl: No! Don't you be a little bitch and call him! Don't you-

Mercie picked up the phone and dialed it again. He answered, "What do you want?!" His voice was mean, and it stabbed Mercie's heart out. Why couldn't they have a nice conversation? Too much to ask?

"I want tot talk to you."

"Start talking then bitch."

"I love you."

"No you don't. I seen you hug that guy today. Did you like the feel of his arms around you? Cause sure looked like it!" He knew he had not been there. He knew she hadn't hugged any guy. He just wanted to hear her say it, and beg him not to hang up. She did just what he wanted, but he hung up anyway. Knowing she would call right back. 

Mercie looked at the phone. Why did he always hang up? What did she seem to do wrong? She dialed the number again, something she always had to do. 

"Hello?" He sounded like he was aggravated and distressed. Why did he sound like that though? She thought. That's stupid.

"I didn't do anything! I was with my little cousin. She tried to kill herself it seemed like, but i didn't do anything wrong. I love you and i would not throw what we have away! i love you please stop acusing me!"Mercie was crying. Why did he hurt her so much. It wasn't fair. She did nothing but love him. She did not deserve to be treated this way, but she could not bring herself to leave him. She really did love him. 

   "Yea, whatever. Come over here. Prove to me you love me."

     "I can't right now, i am on my way to babysit for my mom. She wants me to watch my little sister and brother."

   "Yes. suuure. You are such a liar. Why should i believe you? You have lied before. You are such a slut! Bye!" *Click* 

She knew the incident he had been talking about. That was all he had against her. That one mistake that he had "forgiven" her for...

   "Did you say it?!"

    "No! I would never say that! I love you and only you, Lucas i didn't say it."

    "Okay Mercie. I love you."

    "I love you too."

   She could only keep that lie for a few months. All she wanted to do was erase it because it didn't matter to her. It was in the first few months they had been together, and it was a little innocent, "you are kinda cute." She only did it because she thought he wasn't serious and she didn't want to get wrapped up in something that wasn't going to last. She knew the second that she met him that she loved him, but she tried to fight it because he seemed like he did not care. Now that she knows he loves her, she can't let go and hurt him like that. Even though he does it to her, he makes her feel terrible she can't do it to him. She is the strong one, or so everyone thought. 

"Did you say it Mercie?"

"I..I..I did.."

"Oh my god! You have lied to me all this time! I thought you loved me! I thought i was everything to you!"

"You are! I didn't mean it! It was in the first months we were together! I would never ever do it now! Id o love you. Please Lucas. I need you.I'm so sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me?! Why did you lie to me!?"

"Baby... i didn't want to lose you. I was scared that something that will never happen again would break us apart. I can't live through that Lucas. I can't."

The memory of that conversation burned in her mind. It was tearing her apart. He had cried all that night. She felt so terrible, and just when she thought that they had gotten over it. It was thrown right back up in her face, like battery acid. It killed her. She loved him, and only wanted to make him happy. Can she still make him happy? She hoped so more than anything. All my heart by Sleeping with Sirens came on. She started crying. Her phone began to ring.

"Hello?" She tried to shake off her tears, but she knew he had heard her crying. 

"Why didn't you call me back? Do you not love me anymore? I don't mean anything to you." These words burned deep in Mercie's soul. Was she doing a bad job of showing her love? Was she not good enough? 

"I do love you. I need you. I have only said it 100 times. I want you to understand. Can't you just be happy with me and trust me and not make me feel like a total waste of your time. That's what i feel like. All we keep doing is hurting each other and hurting each other with our words. I am happy being yours, are you not happy to be with me?" Mercie had to pull over because her tears were to much for her to take.

"I love you too Mercie. I need you too. I'm sorry. I'll let you go do what you have to do. bye, i love you."

"I love you too, bye."*Click* Mercie sat on the side of the road and cried for about an hour. It was starting to get dark. She needed to get to her mom's. Mercie could bet that she was so angry with her, but she didn't care all she could think was What now? What will happen now? Has he changed? Has what she said made him finally realize? I guess she would remain to question it until she spoke to him again.

If a person, tries and tries to make another understand, and they just can't. It is not there fault. For no one will ever be forced to understand, they can only make that decision on there own. So if they say all they can, they can do nothing else, and they have done no wrong, because love isn't always enough to make a person understand.