My Lacerated Soul (Avenged Sevenfold)

Chapter 10

Mila's POV

The bus ride was long and arduous and once I realised that Gia was not going to listen to me, well I gave up. She was going to do what she wanted whether I liked it or not.

Gia could be reckless and usually I was the one who had to play the bad guy and pull her back into line and I just knew it would happen again this time.

I couldn't really blame her, I mean after everything that had happened, but still I just wanted her to realise that her behaviour would get her into trouble one day.

I was pretty sure Gia had stopped going to therapy, although I hadn't outright asked her. I still went to every appointment, I'd never missed one because I needed it and I knew I'd need it for a long time to come. Gia needed it too, she just didn't think she did. 

As the bus arrived and Gia and Kaitlyn all but ran off to join the other's on the party bus, I bit my tongue. There really was no point saying anything to Gia when she was like this.

"Well." I said quietly to Ketchup as I led her to a grassed area. "Looks like it's just you and me."

I smiled as she wagged her tail at me and I let her guide me on our walk. It was a nice walk and it was peaceful, well it was peaceful until we approached the buses again. The music was loud and people were spilling out of the bus, standing around, drinking and talking loudly.

Ketchup and I paid them little attention as we walked back to our bus, getting on board.

I let Ketchup off her lead and headed down to the bedroom area. While I had some time I'd decided that I might as well unpack.

I lifted my bags on the bed and started pulling my clothes out and hanging them in the closet space.

I couldn't complain about the bus, honestly, it really was nice and I had to admit that it was nice of the guys from Avenged Sevenfold to organise this for us. At least I knew I'd be relatively comfortable on this tour.

I started hanging my clothes, hoping the creases would drop out of them. I knew Gia laughed at my wardrobe choice, but I liked looking nice, I liked looking neat, and I'd learnt from the past how dressing a certain away could effect things. I wasn't comfortable showing skin and the only time I was was when I was on stage, and even then I wasn't really Mila, I was someone else, a diva, performing. The first thing I did when the show was over was change my clothes, I'd never wear my stage outfits around like Gia.

Once I was finished with my clothes I unpacked my toiletries, placing them in the small bathroom on board, ignoring the fact that Gia and Kaitlyn already had makeup and shit spread all over the place.

"Well." I said to Ketchup as I exited the bathroom. "How about something to eat?"

She looked at me from the place she claimed on one of the couches and wagged her tail as I prepared her dinner, placing it on the floor.

I watched as she ate like the lady she was. She was huge and foreboding, but she was such a damn princess who wouldn't hurt a fly.

I knew I should eat but I just wasn't hungry, so I headed back to the bedroom area, grabbing my backpack and getting comfortable on the bed I'd claimed as mine.

I dug around in it and pulled out a book, a book filled with my own writing. I'd made a promise to my therapist that I'd write in it as I often as I could and it was a promise I was going to keep. 

I flicked through the pages, glancing at them. Some pages were full and some were barely written on.

This was my diary, or my Feeling Journal as I liked to call it. It was something that I could write in, to help me cope with some of my feelings and it worked for me, it really did. I had a rule and that was that I never read previous pages, that stuff was in the past and that was where it was going to stay. Every time I filled a journal I would make a fire and burn it, it was my way of saying goodbye to the past, and one day I hoped that there would come a time when I wouldn't have to buy a new journal to fill up.

I opened it to a blank page, finding a pen, before sitting back and getting comfortable.

Today has been a big day, I wrote, and I'm feeling very anxious. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with the change of scenery, but I'm going to try my best.

I have Ketchup with me, so I know I'll be okay.

What most people didn't know was that Ketchup was my therapy dog. I suffered from severe anxiety, even Gia wasn't aware what the true purpose of Ketchup was. I didn't want anyone to know my problems, not even my sister.

I don't know how Gia can just go on like nothing happened, I wrote, and I guess I'm jealous. I would give anything to be able move on like she has, but I can't, I just can't do it.

"Hey." Someone suddenly called from the front of the bus.

I slammed my diary shut, shoving it under my pillow and getting up to find one of the guy's, actually I was pretty sure it was Zack, standing there with a beer in his hand.

"Oh hey." I said walking to meet him as Ketchup got up, showering him with a little bit of love.

"So are you coming over?" He asked, scratching Ketchup's head. "Meet everyone, have a drink?"

"Oh." I mumbled. "I don't drink." And I didn't, at all.

"So." Zack said smiling at me. "You can have a Coke, but at least come and say hi."

"Okay fine." I said, plastering on a fake smile.

I could see no way of getting out of it, so I would go, say hi and then leave as quickly as I could.

"Come on." Zack said, leaving the bus. "We're all pretty normal people."

"I won't be long." I whispered to Ketchup, following Zack.

He could say they were normal, but I had my doubts and as we approached the bus my doubts intensified.

There were several people out the front of their bus in different stages of drunkenness and as I looked at them I wondered if they'd been taking drugs.

"Fuck." I mumbled as Zack led me on board, the last thing I wanted to be around was drugs.

"Oh hey." Matt said, walking up to me and smiling widely. "Want a drink?"

I shook my head, avoiding Mallory's eye's as she glared at me from a corner.

"So." I said, looking at Matt and Zack. "Where's Gia?"

Both of them looked at me and then looked away quickly and I knew, I just knew she was with Brian and she was probably up to no good.

God, I wanted to go home already.