Solace

Chapter Fifteen

Anne spoke quietly, sitting right in front of Louis, her eyes never leaving his figure. He really didn't want to be there, he didn't want to attend stupid therapy sessions anymore because he was fine. Or as fine as a broken person can get. Anger began to build up inside of him, his teeth drew blood from his lip and his thoughts began to cloud.

"I'm fine." He sighed to Anne who exhaled, a sympathetic look pooling in her deep eyes, "I don't want to be here."

"Why not Louis? Did anything happen?" She asked, careful not to push him too hard.

Louis' eyes shifted to look at the blanket which lay next to him, avoiding the question because he didn't know what exactly happened. He knew that he woke up feeling like complete and utter shit and there was nothing he could do about it. He knew that this has been happening for a while, but only now did Anne began to notice.

"Louis, why is it that you won't talk to me?" She approached again.

"I don't need your help," Louis shrugged, "Nothing can help me."

"How long have you been feeling like this?"

Louis shrugged. He'd been feeling like nothing his whole life really.

"Louis, have you been taking your medication?" Anne softly questioned.

He shook his head no because he hated those things; they made him feel even more special, even more stupid and there really was no point.

He played with his fingers, avoiding eye contact, scared that she would shout at him, force the medication down his throat, or maybe force too many pills into him at once and fund him a lovely trip to the hospital?

"Louis, you need to take the tablets to help you. You won't get better if you don't take them." In response to that, he shrugged again, lost for what he could sign to Anne, "Louis, please, we can't lose you. Harry and I want you to get better."

Louis choked back a sob because she just mentioned Harry and he had no idea how he should feel about it. Sure, Harry ignited a spark in him but what did that really mean? And although Anne was Harry's mum, why was she getting involved?

"No, I'm already enough of a freak. I won't take the stupid tablets, it's not like they help me with anything," Louis sighed, "I'm still pathetic and worthless."

He got up from the couch and headed straight for the door, his breathing rate increasing. Why couldn't Anne understand that he really wasn't worth saving? All those sessions, all those perfectly made cups of tea were pointless.

He closed the door behind him as he stared at the plant next to the door. Even the plant had a better life than him. Apart from the Harry bit but Louis was sure that he would disappear like a cloud in the sky.

Louis' feet stormed away from the brick building, picking up his pace as he made his way towards a particular tree in the institute's back garden. It was as far away as he could get from the place, but not far enough. Nothing's ever enough.

You could still clearly see the building from the tree, but it was far away enough that you couldn't actually hear anything apart from the rustle of the three leaves and an odd bird. Louis sat down and was surrounded by gentle silence. You'd think, being mute, that he'd hate the silence. Silence is him, silence is his life, and you'd think he'd thrive surrounded by noise and sound.

But Louis is a different individual, and he likes the silence. Because then his strong hearing can't pick up every whisper that follows him around, every twitch of the lips that follows through with some form of sympathy for him. He doesn't need sympathy. He doesn't want it.