Solace

Chapter One

Louis cut a few lines into his left wrist; he closed his eyes shut for a couple of seconds, trying to ignore the sight of blood pouring out of his wounds. Seconds passed and he felt relieved.

Louis had cut since an early age, possibly when he was thirteen years old and the bullies at his school picked on him and pointed at him with their dirty fingers. He grabbed his first razor, having no idea to what it would feel like or if it would hurt or if the scars would show. But he didn't care and after those nine years, he still couldn't give a fuck. In fact, he couldn't care less.

Usually, after his harsh treatment to his wrists or arms, he'd reach back to bed and place the covers over his head, grab his phone and headphones from underneath his comfortable pillow and play a particular song, a song that sung all the lyrics his heart wanted to spill.

He hardly ever cried. He couldn't see the point in tears. He always thought of them as a meaningless liquid that shouldn't exist.

He felt angry.

Fury rushed through his veins, making him scared that it'd pour out of the fresh cuts. Fortunately, it didn't.

He didn't know what it was like to not be angry. He didn't know what it was like to feel happy for more than a day. He didn't know what it was like to wake up with a beaming smile upon his face and have his be eyes full of joy. He simply didn't know because he'd never experienced those kinds of emotions or feelings.

"Boo Bear, honey, dinner's ready!" His mum's voice was still heard through the loud music.

Louis had to admit, he hated, absolutely despised being called a childhood nickname but he knew that as long as he was going to choose and live with his mother under the same roof, the pet name wasn't going to go away; even if Louis was to spend the rest of his lifetime in that house. He couldn't bare the thought of being called Boo Bear at the age of twenty one yet alone forty nine.

He yanked his cheap, black earphones out of his ears and unplugged them from his old phone that thankfully still worked. The phone landed on the corner of his bed seconds later and after Louis made sure that it wasn't going to fall down from the furniture (because he loved his phone; no matter how old or ugly it was) he left his room, fiddling with his short, brown hair while slowly making his way downstairs.

Once he entered his cosy kitchen, he waved a simple 'hello' to his mum and sat down in his usual place, grabbing himself a small bottle of water from underneath the table. His lips covered the top of it after his hands removed the lid and Louis found the whole bottle gone in less than five gulps. He was always thirsty after cutting yet he had no idea why.

One of Louis' younger sisters sat on the opposite side of him and Louis noticed her fixed gaze on his wrist. His eyes soon followed, already in panic and fear, but when he saw the familiar sleeves of his black hoodie covering both of his wrists, he sighed to himself, making sure that his sister didn't click on. He looked at his sister and rolled his eyes when he realized that his sister was clearly calling him a wanker.

He looked at his mother who was facing the cooker and he couldn't believe that his sister had gotten so rude lately; then again, they were siblings and banter just came along with it. Without hesitation, his middle finger got a boner, showing his little sister a sign that everyone in the world knew.

"Louis, darling, could I talk to you after dinner?" His mum asked once she put the plates down for all of her kids in front of them.

"Sure." Louis signed. He had no idea about what his mum could possibly want to bring up; maybe the fact that he hasn't been putting the toilet seat down? Yeah, that must've been it. He was the only male in the house; it surely must've been that. And if it wasn't that, it was probably the water bill. Yup, Louis was sure of that one too. He'd often take long and hot showers so it would all add up.