Between The Pages

Chapter 22

How would you feel if you suddenly get disconnected from the characters you've loved all along? Maybe you'll feel bad, even lost sometimes, but then, that feeling is much worse if the characters are the ones who you've created from your imagination. And so, while Riya and Natasha sat on a hospital bed trying to get back the lost time, Tanmay sat in his room with his head in his hands, trying to get over that feeling. Though, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't help but feel more and more bad with every passing second. 

After all that time of the so-called writer's block, Tanmay had sat down in the evening with an aim to weave a scene with his favorite characters, Dev and Anjali. Their story had been on a hold for a long time now and he just hoped the readers still remembered them. More than the readers though, he just hoped he remembered them. Because after all those days, he couldn't even visualize them in his mind. They had become a distant memory which his nervous system was unable to access. But this time, he was determined too.

Before starting to write, he read the entire story till the point he had stopped. He wondered what he must have been thinking while writing that. Though it seemed perfect at that time, as he read it in the evening, he was not at all satisfied with what he had managed to put up. He could see so many points where it could be improved and a number of loop holes which needed to be stitched. He knew he was going to rip off the story when he sat to edit it. That was for some other day though. First, he still had to finish it. And that's where the problem lied.

People start a journey with so much excitement and enthusiasm around it. But by the time they reach halfway through it, they lose the zeal to travel anymore. Tiredness creeps in, boredom creeps in, and before they even know it, they start to entertain the thoughts of stopping it. Stopping it right there in the middle of it. Some do, but not everyone. The others, they scamper over to finish the show. They don't care whether they like it or not, they just push themselves to cross the finish line. It's that feeling of finishing a venture which leaves them mesmerized. Yes, people admire their starts, but they respect their ends even more.

The same end, which looked so far for Tanmay right now. Expecting them to help, he even penned down the pivotal points on which the story was hanging. Dev was kidnapped. Anjali was being taken police station. Deepa was already locked in there. While DCP Natasha, he could still use that character to sway the story in any way he wished. The readers may love the main characters all they want, but the power to change a story will always remain in the hands of such supporting characters. And indeed DCP Natasha was going to barge into the scene to rescue Dev and make things right. The plot was crystal clear in Tanmay's mind. And yet, he was finding it very difficult to connect to those characters. He was reading them, watching them, but he was unable to feel their emotions or think like they would. He felt lost in his own house.

Tanmay always felt that writing was his dream. Somehow he was sure that no matter what path he chose, his train will always end up at a writer's station. But it were times like this when he doubted his own self. If that was his dream, then why was he not able to write? When he really loved them so much, why did the words escape him? He felt at a total loss of words when such questions made a hole in his thoughts. He did try to find their answers but after a time, he just gave up rather than bearing their burden.

Now that he thought about it, he was sure that's why the writer's block had crept into him. He had given up. Rather than throttling his way to the destination, he had allowed the glitch to dig a hole for him right in the middle of a road. And the consequences were known to all.

His readers had been pestering him to update the story since long. Some narrated their exciting memories with the story, 'You know what, I accidentally ended up at a phone booth yesterday and the first thing that came to my mind was your story. For a minute, I just kept looking around to check if there were any robbers or kidnappers. I may love that adventure in your story, but I'm not sure if I want to end up in one like that. Please update soon man, I want to see those robbers hit hard so that they stop scaring me like this.' Some expressed their undying love for Dev, 'Hey, you know how much I love Dev, right? If you still have doubts, I'm ready to write a love letter for him. But please bring him back. I'm dying to meet him again.' While the others were even ready to take it to extreme lengths to move the story forward, 'If you're finding it tough to write a rescue scene, just kill Dev. I don't mind. But update the story soon. After all, it's the overall picture that matters. Characters, they can come and go.'

He laughed at some comments, smiled at the messages and even got frustrated by some threats. But none of those emotions were able to help him regain that connection. Every paragraph that he wrote, he erased it and started again. Every line that he tried to write, he deleted it the next second. He just wasn't satisfied with the outcome. Questions were many, and answers, none.

What made it worse was the absence of his confidant. The only person whom he trusted could help him find the answers had gone missing since the last forty-eight hours. That was another thing which kept his mind troubled. Where are you Riya? He was happy for her, he really was. He was determined to do anything to watch her happy, but at the same moment, he was jealous of that friend of hers. She was having all her attention. And what was worse was Riya was giving it all too. He felt as if he was just a passing shower in their eternal sunshine. Just a rainbow to entertain her before the sun showed its grace again. That thought made him a bit angry.

And once again like it had happened a million times before, he forgot his characters and started to think of their relationship. He was sure that even she knew that it wasn't just a reader-writer relationship. It had moved ahead of that a long time ago. But then, it wasn't just friendship too. It was a bit beyond that. It was at that point where there was no definition of it, but the assurance of it was always there. Or, on second thoughts, the assurance which used to be there.

Maybe it's time to review our relationship.

***

31st July 2017

I could actually feel what Tanmay is feeling you know. The feeling of being disconnected from the characters.

This has always been my fear since the start. I've always thought of myself as someone who can write the short stories. Five to ten parts in it and I feel like that enough.

And so, whenever a story goes beyond that, I start feeling that disconnect towards the characters.

Have you felt it as a writer?

Or as a reader, when the writer doesn't update, do you feel disconnected?

Because I definitely do.
And on that note, you haven't forgotten Dev and Anjali, right?

Don't worry, as soon as Tanmay gets his thoughts settled, they'll make a reappearance.

But then, I'm really worried about Riya now. She looks totally cornered from both the sides now.

What do you think, will she be able to avert the tides?
Or will she succumb to them?

Well, stay tuned to find out...