Give me a sign, I want to believe. (Brendon Urie x Reader)

ONE

Your POV

I couldn't believe it. I was sitting on the floor of my chamber silently sobbing. That just couldn't be real. I hid my face in my hands so the sobs would be as quiet as possible. Each of the butlers and maids had their own chamber right next to each other. They weren't big but definitely had everything you needed and we're clean. I loved my job. I had been here since I was a child. My mother worked here too before she passed away due to the flu. She taught me everything I needed to know to serve well.

I had served Lord Brendon since I was 14. He was 15 back then. We had much fun together and joked around. I nearly lost my job one time because I forgot my tasks while I was playing games with him but he convinced his father that it was his fault and I was allowed to keep serving them. I've never made a mistake since that day again. We began to meet up less and less as he reached adulthood. Mainly because his parents disapproved of him talking to me, a simple maid. I totally understood them so I avoided Lord Brendon as good as possible.

There was the first time I realised how much I liked him. I missed him badly but I learned to deal with that feeling. But when he married it really pained me. Many people cried at their wedding but I believe I was the only one who didn't cry out of happiness for them. Of course I wished them luck and said I was happy but there was a heavy dirty feeling in me. It pulled me down. Made it hard to breathe and I considered running out of the ballroom a few times but I didn't. I wasn't allowed so I didn't.

As soon as they left to fulfill the wedding night I left too and headed for my room. As soon as I closed the door behind me tears began to fell down my face. Back then I didn't know why or better said I didn't want it to be true why. I knew why. Deep down I knew. But I forbid myself. I was just his maid and he was married happily. I had never seen Lord Brendon that happy before. And honestly that made me cry even more. That a stranger like this woman, I believe Mary was her name, could make him so happy and I couldn't in all these years. It was like a stab through the heart.

But I had to deal with it. I learned to deal with it and I learned how you cry as quiet as possible. I cried a lot. Mainly because of the way Lady Mary treated Lord Brendon. He was like a puppy and did everything to please her and she just ignored him. She didn't appreciated the things he did for her. My guts always twitched when I saw that sad, ashamed look on his face because he thought it was his fault. But it wasn't. Everybody knew that. I just couldn't stand her but I wasn't in the position to judge.

A few years passed like this. She mistreated him. He gave himself the fault and got sadder and sadder. He hadn't smiled in so long and now I will never see that smile again.

I held my legs close to my body as a sobb escaped my mouth. Salty tears streamed down my face and every time I tried to wipe them away new would come. It just didn't want to end. The message of his death got to me this morning and I was crying since then. It must be afternoon by now. Thankfully Lord Brendons father Lord Boyd let us all take a day off work. Except the new cooks but everybody who worked here for longer than a year.

I really needed that day. I had repressed my feelings for so long but now I had to face them. I wasn't allowed to feel this way but nobody can control those feelings. It's a strong warm breathtaking feeling and I had it for Lord Brendon. There was no denying it now. I loved him. I still do.

•••

A few days passed since Lord Brendon passed away. There are a lot of rumors about him being murdered but nobody could find any proof. All that we know for sure is that he died while sleeping peacefully. So at least it wasn't a painful death for him.

I got out of bed in which I had barely slept the past nights and you could see that. I had dark circles under my eyes and my face was sickly pale. I got over to the bathroom all the maids shared to get ready. To my luck there was another maid. One of the newer ones. She was working here for like three weeks now. Grace was her name. She stood in front of the mirror doing her hair.

"Today is the day, huh?", she sighed and looked at me full of sympathy. She knew that I nearly grew up with Lord Brendon but she didn't know how much he actually meant to me. Nobody knew and I won't tell a single soul ever.

I just nodded and went to the sink quietly beginning the usual washing routine. "You look rough. Maybe after the funeral when it's over you'll be better.", she said and gave me a half smile. It may sound mean but I knew she meant it different. I sighed a "Maybe." and continued washing myself. She didn't spoke up again and left the bathroom a few minutes after the conversation died. If I would ask her about it she would say that she needed to go because she was finished now but I knew she didn't had to go anywhere. She just left because it was awkward. And I'm kinda thankful for that. I don't like uncomfortable silence either but right now I thought that some company wouldn't be bad for me. Actually I was craving a hug but in this whole castle was no one with whom I had bonded enough to hug. We didn't share anything. We were staff in the same house but that didn't mean we were friends. No. Besides my former friendship with Lord Brendon this house was rather cold.

When I finished washing myself, putting on light powder and other make up Lady Grace had given me for my 18th birthday and changing into a plain black dress with a jacket and a hat I removed myself from the bathroom. After I put my sleep belongings back into my chamber I headed out. The funeral would be in the church about ten minutes walking distance at 9 am. It was half past eight but I'd rather be too early then too late.

A cold breeze flew by and nearly stole my hat. I sneezed one time. I had forgotten that it was already autumn so it was getting colder each day. Shivering I made my way down the road towards the big church.

When I arrived a few staff members already waited outside the church but to my surprise Lady Mary wasn't there yet. Even more surprising was the fact that she was the last one to arrive. My despise for her grew but I hid it.

Then the clock rang. It was 9 am. We stepped inside.

A/N: New story! I just couldn't stand the feeling of not writing a story about Beebo. It's just against my nature. So here ya go! I hope you enjoy it as much as my first book!
Have fun!