How to Not Circle the Drain: Keeping it Together in the 21st Century

Building Resilience: Way to Keep On Keepin' On - Part One

Twinkle, Twinkle RESILIENT STARS - That’s What You Are!

Resilience is the ability to adapt to stress and change, to bounce back and rebound from negative experiences and the wear and tear of life.  It is a process, rather than a static state, and includes navigating change and cultivating the ability to cope with and flourish after stress, hard times, and trauma.  Resilience is a skills set that may be learned and practiced and benefits grow and accumulate over time.  It is the quintessential bending and not breaking, like a supple tree in a storm, although that is by no means a judgment on those who break. 

Some stress is necessary in life and may be motivating and invigorating.  Too much stress overtaxes the human organism and leads to negative physical and psychological outcomes.  Part of the art of living is to identify the difference between life-enhancing stress and soul-crushing stress, and to implement skills appropriate to cultivate the former and manage the latter.

Resilience grows out of a focus on strengths and the amazing potential for adaptability and flexibility of the human being.  Life has always been difficult, and globalization presents unique new challenges and a pace that requires that we step up our game in the realm of healthy coping.  Resilience is not about being immune to stress and pain.  I like to think of resilience as “the only way out is through” endeavor, working with the curve-balls life throws at us, and the related emotions and effects that we feel as a result. 

Since many counselors, teachers, coaches, and researchers create acronyms for their techniques, I  decided that my premiere acronym will be about my favorite practice subject: resilience!  I have formulated RESILIENT STARS as a guideline and a synthesis of my training, studies, and practice in the field of psychological health and well-being.  I utilize the skills both personally and professionally and encourage you to explore and experiment with them.  Apply your own spin and personal style, mix and match to determine what is effective for you, your age and stage, and current circumstances.  Each letter of RESILIENT STARS includes test drives and kicks off the discussion of skill options and areas of focus to build resilience.  Part One includes the word RESILIENT: 

Relax

Enjoy

Self-Care

Install the Good

Letting Go

Inspiration

Express Yourself

Nature

Thankfulness

R:  Relax:   Learning to relax and activate the parasympathetic nervous system is a key resilience skill.  The Relaxation Response is the opposite of the stress response, "fight or flight."  Dr. Herbert Benson is the modern “father” of the Relaxation Response and formulated  a  user-friendly sequence for eliciting it:  Choose a word, sound, prayer, phrase that is positive for you and perhaps has some personal meaning, or just focus on your breath.  Find a quiet place, close your eyes, and progressively relax your muscles by breathing and focusing on relaxing different areas of the body.   You may start at the top of your head and go down to your toes, or start with your abdomen or other body region, and proceed from there.  Breathe slowly, and on the exhale, repeat your chosen word, phrase, prayer, or continue to simply focus on your breath going in and out.   When you lose focus, gently guide yourself back to the repetition without judgment or self-criticism.  Practice for 12 to 15 minutes, and practice at least once daily.