Sight and Sound

Regrets/Redemption

Sasuke dashed into the house past Itachi, happy to be home. Itachi gave him a half glare, not truly upset as his brother pushed around him. He almost walked back inside, but Aster was still standing at the porch. She seemed not to notice him. Her eyes were glazed and distant, still gazing at the spot Sasuke had last been standing. "Something wrong?" Itachi tilted his head curiously. Aster jumped, shaking her head slightly, clearing it of the fog of invading memories. "N-no... I'm just tired." Itachi smirked. "You took too long to answer, you're lying." She gave an indignant look, pushing out her lower lip. "N-no! Why would I lie to you?" Itachi sighed, stepping out. "I'm not blind or stupid. What are you hiding so desperately?" She felt sick. Were her emotions really so clearly displayed? "I'm not hiding anything!" she cried, her voice breaking at the end. "If you're hurting, I'd like to return the favors you've done for me." Itachi stood in front of her, and Aster blushed. Does he care.. about me? "I don't like to be in debt," he added. Her face visibly fell. "What's the matter?" Aster forced a smile. "It's nothing, don't worry about it." He gave her another tired, irritated look. "Don't be afraid to speak up, it's plain to see something is troubling you." Itachi took her chin in his hand. "You don't have to share it with me until you're ready." She gasped, blushing at the sudden touch. But before she could regain her lost senses, he had walked back inside, leaving her in the fading afternoon. Aster bit her lip as her a melancholy aura made itself apparent. This suffering is mine and mine alone. I won't bring them down with me. I hate to leave them in the dark, but this pain is cold; it's not something that can be shared. Swallowing her sorrows, she made her way to the empty house she called home.

Finally she was able to move. Her body stepped mechanically into the hall, but she couldn't bring herself to look at anything but Itachi's feet, let alone come near him.

I'm too late.. Too late.. I said I wouldn't let this happen, I fought my hardest to prevent this.. But it happened anyway! She bit her lip hard and blood ran down her chin. I failed... I failed. It was all for absolutely nothing... I'm too weak, I always have been. Who was I kidding when I promised to defend Itachi to the death? I failed him. The one time he may have needed me, I wasn't there! She was shaking, balling her fists tighter and tighter until her knuckles were white. I wasn't there! Why am I always the opposite of where I need to be?! Guilt and self-loathing twisted in her stomach, making her want to vomit.

"You broke your promise, just like usual," Sasuke commented. It was over, what did he care if she suffered? Let her feel just as much pain as I did... "I thought you'd kill me before you let this happen," Sasuke continued, antagonizing her.

Aster was still silent as she turned slowly to face him. She was completely numb.

"You failed." Sasuke narrowed his eyes, waiting for her reaction.

The numbness was fading, a sharp heat was filling her veins. Pain, anger, hurt, confusion, disgust and many more emotions she couldn't name were racing through her. It was quickly becoming too much for her weakened body. Something would have to give soon.

Sasuke turned his back to her, planning to leave her to scream and suffer alone. But as he began to lift his foot, he felt her presence come up behind him faster than he believed humanly possible. Before he could react, she had hit with all her might. Instead of letting him fall away, Aster grabbed his shirt, pulling him back around to her.

"You fucking bastard!" She was screaming and beating on him mercilessly. Her eyes were pressed shut in an effort to hold back tears.

Sasuke let her pummel him. He couldn't understand why he didn't have the desire to fight her. Maybe it was because he had completed his mission, maybe he still thought of her as a sister somewhere deep down, but either way, he didn't know. It was odd to watch her punch him again and again in the slow motion of the sharingan. It was all surreal and he no longer cared. If death is coming, so be it...

She screamed again, and the sound rang his ears as she kneed him hard in the stomach. Sasuke's body buckled, and with her forward momentum, they both fell. Aster still had him by the front of his shirt, shrieking and beating on him.

The world was going black and he could hardly see her. Her hits were weak, but one after another was wearing him down. So be it... Everything disappeared and he felt his consciousness spiral away.

Aster half sobbed, half screamed, hitting him again. She raised her fist, but found she was too worn to hit him again. His shirt slipped from her grasp as she opened her eyes. His eyes are closed... It doesn't look like he's breathing... Her heart stopped.

Panic flooded her. God, no! What have I done?! Trying to control herself, she reached around to his neck with trembling hands. Her hand shook violently as she tried to feel for a pulse.

There was nothing.

A vicious shudder rose up her torso. She felt sick and dizzy. Disbelieving at what she had done, she crawled away, all the while watching him, hoping he would get back up.

Aster wanted to cry, but she seemed to have run out of tears. Emptiness was filling her as a sense of purposelessness came over her. Nothing can make this right now... It's all over, down in flames... All my fault.

I couldn't save either of them...

No, saving them was beyond me. I only hurt them... Her traitorous eyes fell on Sasuke.

The world spun around her as she held her stomach. Guilt was overtaking her and warping her senses. She clenched her fist, refusing to let herself fall and feel the comfort of the ground. Self hate was consuming, making her want suffering. I don't deserve to be here... I never did! It should have been over when Hikaru was taken. Why am I still living? Is it purely to destroy people? This is unbearable!

She cringed, twisting her face in pain of the loss of the ones she loved. It was as though she was being knocked down piece by piece. And her body followed, curling in on itself until her head touched her knees.

Her trembling stopped abruptly. I don't deserve to live... Aster sat up slowly, staring ahead, but not seeing. That's it, isn't it? It amazed her to find a kunai still in her thigh holster. She slid it out slowly. Is this what people call destiny? The kunai glinted as she turned it over in one hand.

Was this the plan from the start? Sighing resignedly, she held it out in front of her. Is this how we repent our wrongs.. our sins? We die? Images fresh in her mind of Itachi and Sasuke were suddenly brought into sharp relief. They made her want to vomit again. It was unfair for them... But maybe for me it's the right way...

Aster raised the kunai, pointing the tip of the blade at her heart. This is how it ends...