To Be A Runner

Chapter 48: Things You See In The Graveyard

It's been three days. The funeral had already happened, and the body has already been buried with the photograph I took from Chris's house, but still people continue to mourn.

It's not surprising, really. Nearly everyone in Abel attended his funeral. Even with his quiet nature, it was obvious a large amount of Abel liked him. Many people were crying; Some of them I didn't know, and some of them I did. But there were many tears, many sobs, and much pain. I wish I would have been able to cry with them.

I did shed a few tears, out of respect for Chris and also the guilt that keeps reminding me if I had done something he might still be alive. Yes, I did cry about that. But it wasn't the same as everyone else's cries. They knew him, cared about him on a deeper level than I did or probably ever could. They have memories that make them laugh and also cry. I don't.

I saw him around Abel many times, waved hello, gave him a smile, but the only time we talked was when I first met him, and right before he left on his last run. Other than that he is a stranger to me, and yet I still feel bad about his death. I still feel guilty.

It's like Lem, I think. I didn't know him in the slightest, but I could tell he was good inside. He was a genuinely good person. I just hope I'll get to see them both when I get to heaven.

While I'm not as faltered by Chris's death other than guilt, Sam isn't taking it so well. He and Jody were some of the ones who were closer to him. Jody was usually his running parter on missions that weren't about his studies, and Sam, well, he looked up to him like he was a hero.

He was a hero.

I've been trying to comfort them but it hasn't been going so well. My skills in doing that is basically crap to put it lightly. I'm just... not good at it. Never have been and never will be.

Just how some things are I guess.

I rub my arms as I walk through the Township. It's Halloween already, and I know by tonight the children will be scampering around in their silly little costumes getting candy corn and the occasional piece of chocolate or fruit candy. I know Sam had planned on dressing up, but I doubt he will now. In all honesty I feel no inspiration to dress up either, especially in the old wedding gown with a tiara that was picked out for me.

I know it will disappoint Penelope, and possibly her brothers, but I have no interest in dressing up. It's a waste of time honestly, but I'd never tell them that, or Caleb or Sam. I know they'd all be upset to hear-well, see-me say such things.

I pull at my long sleeved shirt, one that Janine gifted to me after Kytan and Cameo came back from a clothing supply run. "To keep you warm," She'd said. Her voice was mechanical and stiff, like always, but if I tried hard enough I could imagine a hint of a smile pulling at her face.

I keep walking, the cold seeping into my skin as if the clothing isn't even there. Each breeze, each gust of wind sends a chill straight down to my bones, but I don't stop walking because I don't want to go back to my sleeping area. There too many people there chatting excitedly about tonight and how excited their kid is about getting to dress up or how excited they are about the little party some of the adults are having to celebrate the holiday.

I was invited, even though I'm not really considered an adult, but I still have no plans on going. I've never been one for parties. It's not something I enjoy. The last time I went to anything close to a party-which was really just a teen girl lock in for my youth group-I ended up hiding in a corner with my church friends Sarah and Zoey eating chocolate and discussing Disney movies.

Maybe if Caleb is feeling better we can do something to keep us entertained, but if he feels better then he most likely would dress up in his pirate outfit that he likes so much.