For The Love of Color

Chapter 7

           

Racing up the stairs Michelle burst into Carters room early in the morning. "I got your text last night; tell me everything girl and don't leave out any dets!" Michelle said all in one breathe while slamming the door behind her. Opening up one eye Carter looked over at her alarm, it read 5:32 am.

"Michelle why the heck are you even in my room right now? It's not even six o clock yet and you're up fully dressed like it's time for school in twenty minutes." Carter mumbled as she rolled over in her bed.

"Girl I'm not dressed, my clothes are in my backpack. I figured I'd just get dressed here and we'll go to school together like we always do. What's your problem?" Michelle questioned.

"I don't have a problem but I'm tired and I just want to catch a few more Z's before I have to get up. You can lay down with me if you want. I just need a few more minutes." Carter said as she scooted over to make room for Michelle.

"So I guess you don't have any energy left for me since you gave it all to Tiara huh?"

"Seriously?" Carter said sitting up in her bed to look at Michelle. Finally seeing Michelle she noticed that she was in dirty shirt, no pants and some bent up converse. "Chelle where is your pants?"

"Don't worry about it." Michelle said rolling her eyes.

"No I am worried about it. Your standing in the middle of my room in a dirty shirt and no pants, I think I have the right to be answered." Carter snapped back as she got out her bed to walk over to Michelle. "Did something happen to you?" Carter then grew concern.

"I'm fine Carter leave it alone." Michelle stressed.

"Is that dried blood on your legs?" Carter questioned as she ran over to turn on her light. Looking at Michelle in a better light Carter grew even more concerned. "Michelle what happened to you?" She asked with tears starting to form in her eyes.

"Carter leave it alone, it can be fixed okay!" Michelle yelled. Looking down at herself Michelle realized she was a mess. She never looked at herself in the light yet, where she came from it was only darkness. She didn't know that she looked a total mess, she didn't see the dried blood on her legs or all the dirt on her shirt. She knew she didn't have pants but in her mind she thought she stretched her shirt long enough to cover her valuable parts. As she looked up at Carter she seen the sadness and worry in her eyes. This caused her to feel pity in herself.

"Please let me be there for you." Carter begged.

"I need to go." Michelle said making a head for the door. She couldn't bare to look at her best friend in the condition she was in. she was embarrassed of herself, she blamed herself in this situation. She wanted to take the help from Carter but this was one situation she had to keep to herself. The thought of Carter finding out killed her. She hated for people to see her weak. 

"Michelle you're staying here until you tell me what's going on." Carter demanded. "We are best friends and the fact you won't let me help you when I can clearly see you need it the most is killing me right now. Let's just sit down and talk this out, that's what you came to do right? So let's do that. Help me understand what's going on." Carter was trying her best to reason with Michelle but a part of her felt like it was working until she saw a look in her eyes that she never seen before.

"You will never understand." Michelle gritted. Carter was confused. All she wanted to do was help her best friend. "How can you understand when you never have to worry? How can you understand when you never had to feel what struggle is like? You have it so freaking good Carter you just don't know. You don't have to come home to bullshit everyday of your life. You don't have to take care of your parents because they take care of you. You don't have to fight for respect because it's given. Your life was already made for you, so how can you understand?" Michelle yelled at Carter. Waiting for an answer Carter was lost for words. She never saw Michelle like this. She didn't know where all this was coming from. Carter stood trying to figure out what she said wrong to upset her like this. "You don't have an answer do you?" Michelle asked with folded arms.

"Look Chelle whatever I said to make you feel this way I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what Carter? Sorry that your life is better than mines? Sorry for trying to understand something you will never be able to? What exactly are you sorry for choosing Tiara over me?"

"Is that what this is all about? Tiara? I would never replace you Michelle and you know that. She's a nice girl; I just don't see why we all can't all be friends?" Carter shrugged.

"Cause you were my friend first! I'm the one who has had your back since the sandbox days not that bitch Tiara! I've always been there for you, and for you to just push me to the side really makes me feel some type of way. It makes me feel like shit Carter. You made me feel like shit, and I refuse to feel like shit by someone the same color of it." Michelle spat at Carter. Realizing what she just said caught Carter off guard but before she could question it Michelle was out her door heading down stairs. Looking out into the hallway she watched as her best friend walked away from her. As she heard the front door slam she seen her parent's door open and watched as they rushed by her side.

"Baby are you okay?" her mom asked as she held her tight. Carter loudly broke down into tears in her mother's arms. Looking over at her father Carter's face was drenched with her tears. She couldn't control herself anymore she just lost her one and only friend, it was like she just lost a piece of her heart. Her chest hurt more than she wanted it too, her hands were clammy and numb. She could see faces but not sound, she couldn't even hear her own cries. Her stomach felt as if it was full to capacity with hurt. Her head was pounding harder than her heartbeat. She finally felt what heartbreak felt like. Her parents on the other hand wanted to go find Michelle and beat the hell out of her for breaking their baby's heart. They heard everything that was said between the two girls but that last comment she made had them both ready to charge out the room to knock her upside the head, but before they could get a word in they heard Michelle leaving. "Let me tell you something baby." Carters mom said holding her head so they could look each other in the eyes. "You can't control people's true feelings or colors. Your color means more than shit. Your color helped build this nation and even though we don't get the credit we deserve doesn't mean our work doesn't matter. She's living the life she wanted you to have. You can't cry over someone who on the inside envies you. Your father and I understand and know of the struggle very well, and because of that we gave you a life to where our concerns will never be your concerns. You don't have to apologize to anybody that envies you for having a life they want. Her parents made their choice and unfortunately she was to deal with that, but kicking you down in the mist of it won't do. Baby this is a lesson that you must learn and grow from. Lift your head up so everyone can see how vibrant your melanin is becoming."