SmackDown: MadMike's Revenge!

Round 2, Dudecore: For God and Corporation - @sigrist

For God and Corporation

by sigrist

Deep in the heart of EVIL, Inc., a secret agent contorted his body to get past the red laser tripwires. If he'd even so much as breathed on them he would have been immediately vaporized. He somersaulted beneath the crotch of an RDU—robot defence unit—that was in sleep mode. He cooed to the crying kittens, thus destroying the security's CARE Protocol.

He wasn't worried. As the best agent in GOOD Corp.'s intergalactic ranks, this mission was a cakewalk.

Beat EVIL's ancient—albeit extensive—security system, hack into the data vault, steal the cipher, assassinate the head of EVIL, get out, and be home in time to catch the new episode of Lunar Coronation Street.

That was when he found himself locked in the gas-spectrometer room. His stomach trembled.

Rule one, he thought to himself. Never eat Venusian tacos before a mission. Should've known better.

He plugged up and forced himself not to breathe as he maneuvered through the room and out the door. His years of training put to good use.

Unfortunately things went tits up right then and there. He turned to see fifteen RDUs aiming their .50-cal cannons at all his tender places. How the hell had this gone wrong?

And then it dawned on him.

No.

Moving slower than a space slug, he lowered his hand to his waist and tapped his comms unit. And seconds before the RDUs blew him to pieces, he screamed out the coded message to the boys and girls back home in High Command: "Fuck you, MadMikeMarsbergen!"

The recording cut to static then and Lisbeth rolled her head back. "So, he's dead. Just like that."

The director shrugged. "It's for the best, you know that. He was a mediocre agent. I mean, his hair, his glasses, his ridiculous clothes. He shaped his entire persona around a character from some stupid films from earth history. Films which, I wasn't surprised to learn, were complete and utter satire."

"He thought they were documentaries."

"See? He was a buffoon, Beth."

"But you filled his head with all those lies about how awesome he was and how he was the only guy who could do this. You sent him in there to die."

"Yes, well, his little distraction was enough for us to extract the information we needed without being seen. Now I can send someone with talent to do the real job."

"And who would that be?"

The director inclined his head and smiled. Lisbeth already guessed he would ask her, even though she had made it clear she wasn't interested in going deep undercover anymore.

"Put that smile away," she said.

"Beth, you said it yourself, that agent went in there to die. If you don't do this job then he died for nothing."

"No, you killed him for nothing, that's what happened. At least have the guts to say it."

"Fine, I killed him, does that make you happy? Whether you take this job or not, he's gonna be dead. You can choose to give his death meaning."

"And how am I supposed to know you're not just sending me in there to die?"

"Come on, you know you're better than he ever was. I have no doubt in my mind that you can get in there undetected and liberate the prince."