SmackDown: MadMike's Revenge!

Round 1, Team 5: Thank You for Your Submission - @AllanFisher

Thank You for Your Submission

by AllanFisher

"I don't believe this shit," the man mumbled to his computer monitor. He took a sip of his extra-large Watty and grimaced in disgust. Picked a stray orange pube from his tongue. "They didn't even read my fuckin' story! The fuck is this comment supposed to mean, anyway!? 'Loved the way Pixy Dust rode Unicron LOL!' There wasn't any Pixy Dust or Unicron in my fucking story, nor was there anything remotely funny in it! What the hell are you LOLing at, you dumbass!?"

He rubbed his temples, leaving orange Cheetos dust behind. His head killed right now. Had been hurting a lot lately, but this took the cake. Nobody understood his beautiful writing. Their comments were irrelevant. It made him sick. Made him want to teach them all a lesson.

A grin worked its way across his pale face.

Yeah. Teach 'em all. A lesson.

The man brought up the profile of the latest imbecile to comment on his riveting story. Got a good look. Memorized the name and the face.

He went to his gun rack. Grabbed his finest and most powerful weapon. Locked it and loaded it.

The hunt was on.

Azlm Canc, better known by her screen name of X.C.Q_Shuner, sat at her virtual desk on the 842nd floor of the Cybromide Building in downtown Calcutta. A string of drool dangled precariously from her chin. She was jacked. Head lolling back with the weight of the thick cable plugged directly into her brain. Her frontal lobe concentrated effortlessly on the numbers coming in from her latest forum post. She always uploaded the rejection letters for her fans and this one was a doozey. The guys' story was shit and her audience was lapping up her snide quips and inside jokes. Readership was climbing and her bank account was filling with credits for each new view. Meanwhile her amygdala was throbbing with excitement as she streamed a side channel of cyber-porn directly through the fiber optic bundle at the base of her skull.

In a twist of extremely good luck her viewership topped twenty billion just as she reached the peak of her porn induced climax resulting in a full brain orgasm. An unprecedented flood of endorphins was instantly released causing the drool to fly from her chin as she bucked and squealed in ecstasy.

She lay back in her leather upholstered tech-gurney to catch her breath and the system automatically injected a calming agent into her vein. After a moment she was back in complete control and she rose blinking rapidly as the jack disconnected from her head and slithered back into its receptacle.

Azlm glanced around but the other employees of Chronic Media Publishing hadn't noticed her outburst as they were all jacked in to their own systems. She rose and smoothed her see-thru dress making a mental note to reapply her nipple rouge and ab contouring before the afternoon meeting.

Her jaw vibrated slightly with an incoming call and she clucked her tongue to answer it.

"Moshi Moshi?" she snapped, annoyed at the interruption.

Her Irish-Korean assistants' sing-song voice tickled her middle ear, "I 'ave jour modder on line two M. Canc... shuld I pot 'er trough?"

"God no!" Azlm sub vocalized in frustration. "You know I don't take calls from her! Tell her I'm off planet and get me a hard copy of my last rejection letter... I want to frame it with the rest."

"Jes M. Canc." The line disconnected with a small beep and she turned on her heel and headed for the elevator. As she passed M. Bytrs' office she glanced in, but her boss was asleep as usual. She would have to wake him for the meeting again but his ineptitude was to her advantage so she didn't mind. At this rate she would be his boss in under a year.

She stopped at the Xerox 900x Ngraver and pulled out the sheet smiling at the clean crisp letters laser etched into the metal infused page. She would have it professionally mounted and displayed in the main lobby with the others.

'Just enough time for a quick lunch,' she thought as the elevator opened behind her. She stepped in and pressed P-15. She was whisked quickly to parking level fifteen deep beneath the building and the doors opened smoothly in front of her.

The blast knocked her off of her feet and the 30mm shell would have gone right through her had it not been for the metallic printout she was clutching to her chest. The tight iron-nickel weave of the page was tougher that Kevlar. As it was she was blown backwards into the elevator smashing against the rear wall.

Attacks were common and she wasn't so much surprised as she was pissed off. She came up like a cat, throwing herself to the side as the second shot came, splintering the faux wood paneling of the executive lift. Azlm pull the tiny stunner from its cloaked holster and set it to its widest beam, then poked it around the side of the elevator door and pulled the trigger.

There was a groan and another shot which hit the overhead lighting, plunging the inside of the elevator into shadows. The effects of the stunner wouldn't last long, so she knew she had to get out there and disarm her assailant before he came around.

She kicked off her twelve inch stilt-heels and crept out into the dark lobby area, her bare feet slapping on the cold tile. She crouched down holding the stunner in her left hand and peered around. There was no one in sight. Pressing herself to the wall she made her way towards the automatic door that led to the car park. Suddenly he burst through the door and raised his Hellfire PX30 level with her head. Azlm rolled to the side as he fired missing her by inches. The huge bullet took a divot out of the tile floor like and enraged golfer, spraying her with shards of razor sharp ceramic. The stunner fell from Azlm's hand and the man smiled as he levered another round into the huge gun.

"Goodbye Bitch!" He laughed as his head throbbed visibly and blood leaked from his nostrils.

Azlm frisbeed the hardcopy of her review at him in panic and the metallic page sliced through skin and bone decapitating him before he could pull the trigger.

His head rolled across the lobby and into the open elevator. After a moment the floor sensors registered the weight and the doors closed. Someone upstairs was going to get one hell of a surprise.

Azlm rose to her feet and walked slowly over to the headless body. Who the hell was he?

As she stooped to pick up the bloody hardcopy that had saved her life, the door to the parking lot opened again. A small man walked in and looked around in amazement. Azlm turned to explain what had happened and the man shot her twice between the eyes with the biggest gun she had ever seen.

As her implants struggled in vain to keep her alive, Azlm watched the small man turn and look at himself in the mirrored elevator doors. He straightened his suspenders across his bare chest and adjusted his speedo, then wiped the Cheeto dust from his temples. "LOL at that dumbass!" he said and walked calmly back to his car.