Imagine

Addict with a pen

3 years. It had been 3 years since she left him. 3 years since the life left her ocean eyes. 3 years since he could no longer hear her lively laugh, that seeped into his mind and stayed there forever.
3 years since Jenna died.
Tyler was once again driving to their beach.
The beach where they had first met on a cold winter night. They were the only ones on a beach in winter.
They both liked it, cause it was a place to be alone. But they found each other instead.
The place of their first date, and their last.
Where Tyler had proposed.
Where they were married. The place that Tyler came back to.
Still searching for her, begging her to come back.
Somewhere in his mind, he knew she was gone. But he held onto little bits of hope. He thought of them as water in his hands. Trying to strain, trying not to let it drain.
But no matter what, no matter how long he would walk looking for any piece of her. The sand would slow him down, and the water would drain.
Getting out of his car, he hummed a tune trying not to cry. He failed. He always cried here.
He ran to the exact spot where he and Jenna had their first kiss.
It was on the beach, but also in the cold water. That perfect place that's right in between. He let the water hit his legs. He stood. He didn't even know for how long.
He walked, he fell to his knees at the place where he and Jenna had married. And cried.
He walked the entire beach, falling and crying in every place there was a memory buried.
He's been searching for 3 years. For just a drop of her, of life, of even himself. But he couldn't. He thought,
There is no life without her. There is nothing without even just a drop of her. I have no purpose to live. I'm not myself without Jenna.
Tyler was right, he wasn't himself without her. And he never would be.
He wasn't his best. He wasn't the best of sons. Not without her.
He stood, on the very spot that she had stood on. At their wedding. For that kiss.
The last kiss.
She had left him.
He stood, being almost addicted to wind blowing him back and forth.
He'd seen his hope as water, that couldn't stay in his hands. He searched his mind for more. More hope.
More water.
But his mind was slowly becoming dessert.
He tried as hard as he can to hold tightly onto what's left in his hand.
He began to walk back home. Of course he'd be here again, but it's the end of today.
He fell to his knees again. Not to cry, but to pray. To pray for them to take him, and bring her back.
Or just to have her home. He needed Jenna.
But there was no reply. He had nothing.
He drove back home. Collapsed onto his ground.
He laid there and cried for hours. He ignored the loud knocks on his door. He didn't care anymore.
It was josh. Josh came by everyday to check on him. He had to, after Tyler had tried to commit suicide 3 times since Jenna had passed.
Every year, wedding anniversary.
But it could happen any day. Seeing as he went back to their beach each day. Every day.
Josh tried to help, tried everything to get him to stop. To just stay home for one day. Nothing worked.
Tyler returned each day. Without fail. Everyday since he heard the words.
"I'm sorry Tyler, Jenna's dead."
Everyday.
He went and pleaded and prayed for her. Cried for her. Tried his best to hold onto his hope. The water. It was all that had and that he needs.
Josh opened the door. Tyler always forgot to lock it. He couldn't care less.
"Tyler?" He called for him. He got no response.
He saw Tyler lying on the ground, crying again.
"Ty come on, please get up." He wouldn't move, he stayed as still as he could.
Josh sat beside him head in hands. For hours. Rubbing his back, trying to hold his hand.
Nothing worked anymore. Tyler was broken, beyond repair.
"Ok, that's enough. I'm taking you to a psychiatrist. Right now." Josh said lifting Tyler.
Tyler wasn't even trying to fight him. Or run. The way he used to.
They walked in. Hand in hand.
Josh explains to the doctors what had happened. Everything.
An hour later he came back to the waiting room where Tyler sat. With his knees pulled up to his chest. Head down. Crying again. Painful, quiet crying.
Painfully silent.
After hours upon hours of speaking with Tyler. The doctor left the room. Josh and Tyler remained, waiting for a diagnosis.
"It's ok." Josh said. Tyler had just explained and expressed every feeling, memory, action he's had or taken. Since they last day, the last kiss, the wedding.
Jenna and Tyler got married. Thinking this was it. The end of their suffering. They were both happy now. They could live happily ever after.
They got into Tyler's car, driving off to the airport. They were going to honeymoon right away.
In London. Jenna had always loved London. So did Tyler.
Tyler sat driving. Him tapping the beat of a song with one finger on the steering wheel. Her, humming along with the vocals. Softly. Tyler loved that. He loved her. She loved him.
They were flying down the freeway trying to speed up, so they could just get to airport already.
Then suddenly a large truck came hurdling towards them. Full speed. It hit them.
That driver had hit Jenna's side more than Tyler, he had tried to get her out, tried to save her. Tyler failed.
He was hurt too. He sat in a hospital room, for 4 days. Not knowing what was happening. They wouldn't tell him anything. Nothing of Jenna. Or her condition.
The day Tyler was released was the day they told him about Jenna.
She died on impact. She's been dead for days. Without Tyler knowing.
He screamed and cried. He did not go home. He went to a drug store. Bought a pack of razor blades.
And you can guess what happened with that. No need to explain.
He went to their beach
That's where it began.
Where he began to search.
The doctor walked back into the room.
"Ok Tyler. As a walking denial, your trial was filed as a crazy sducidal head case. " that's all he said.
Josh followed him in a fit of anger.
The doctor explained that Tyler needs pills. So so many pills.
For sleeping, anxiety, depression, nightmares, strength. All that, and more. Every problem Tyler had, would just be filmed to the brim with pills and therapy.
He didn't need all that. All he needs is the water. The hope. The sun. He needs Jenna.
But she's gone.
He goes back to the beach. Even though josh told him not to too bad josh had to go to work. And couldn't watch him all day.
He falls, cries, pleads, and prays. Just like all the other days. He's spent here. After Jenna.
He lays where they had their first kiss. Screaming. Out for her, out for god, out for anyone, out for life. He needs something.
He lies there, yelling out father. He's yelling to someone. But he's not sure who.
He screams to them,
"You specialize in dying, you hear me screaming father, I'm lying here just crying, so wash me with your water!"
He doesn't know he's speaking to.
But just then a huge wave, one bigger than he'd ever seen. Crashes on shore. On Tyler. Washing him.
Giving him the hope. The water. He hopes.
Josh is here now. He runs to Tyler, thinking he'd be hurt.
Tyler still hadn't found a drop, of her, of life, of himself. But maybe he didn't need to look anymore.
He needs to water, the plants in his mind. To make them grow. To turn his desert into a garden. With a water fall of hope, and happiness. He had to take the help. He has to want the help.
He understands now. That he may not be ok, right now. But he can be. After a lot of care. A lot of watering. From the others who love him. The ones he couldn't realize were trying to help before.
Tyler will be ok.
Josh pleads to him. Asking a thousand questions. Tyler doesn't listen.
All he says is.
"I will be ok. I want your help. Thank you" that's all. That's all he had to say. Nothing else. Josh understood now too.
They went home, Tyler took his pills. Tyler went to therapy. Tyler did everything the doctors told him to.
And while he will never forget his angel, his sunlight, his everything. His Jenna.
She now lives in the beautiful garden, growing in his mind. Comfy. Happy. Helping.
She waters too. She helps Tyler. Not hurts him. She did not leave him. She just moved into his garden.
He no longer visits their beach each day. Only 3 times a year now. How lovely is that?
Tyler is ok. His mind is no longer a dessert. He no longer has to desperately hold onto the little hope, water, he had left in his hand. Now he has a water fall. Fueled by happy memories.
He speaks to josh now. Everyday. He got his best friend back. He was thankful. As was Tyler.
Because.
Tyler.
Is.
Ok.
Dare I say, Tyler is happy.

But he's still searching. For what, he didn't know.