My Anxiety | Josh Dun x Reader

|18- FRAGILE|

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Chapter eighteen
Fragile
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Josh's Point of view

I was back in the Hellish place I had escaped from, though this time, I had to admit it was less Hellish it was actually nicer.

The therapy is working.

But there had been one, lingering question in my head, Why did I let it get so bad? Was I scared to admit that I was crazy? Was I scared to speak up?

The Hell disappeared and I was back in my bathroom of my room, staring blankly into the mirror, holding onto the sink like it was a tether, I couldn't move I was restricted.

I was fragile, that's why. Ever since the bullying, I never trusted people, I couldn't breathe properly. I was never the same.

I remember, once I was in Science and I had a wave of emotions, then had none at all, then got really sad all of a sudden. Aaron, the boy sitting next to me noticed this and ridiculed me for it, started to kick me and he pulled me out of my chair and started to kick and punch me. He got other kids involved, and all the teacher could do was to tell them politely to stop hitting me. The teachers didn't care; all they cared about was what they did, whether they would be fired, not whether the kid being beaten up could end up in hospital- no.

Tears flowing freely down my cheeks, I turned round and saw Y/N sleeping peacefully on my bed (you didn't do any of the nasty stuff, calm yourself). I tip toed over to her/his peacefully sleeping body and placed my hand over her/his heart, and copied the breathing coming out of her/his mouth.

The people wearing masks where still always with me, but I know I am strong enough to fight them off. The music will help.

I walked over to the small table in the kitchen, grabbed a book and a pencil and started writing lyrics, started to pour out my emotions onto the page, to open up all of the bottled up feelings and thoughts. I was fragile but I could become stronger.  No body starts the strongest person in the world; they work hard for it, push through the pain.

I took my hand away from Y/N's bod and realised, my breathing had returned to usual pace much earlier. "I'm becoming better." I beamed, happiness pouring onto the page, spilling the love and the passion I felt towards Y/N, and her/his beautiful body and soul.

The thoughts of suicide and self harm had slowly dispersed and the thoughts of love and marriage and a family ran through my mind, a permanent smile on my face. She/he was the one.

I loved her/him. I love her/his smile and the way her/his eyes sparkled when they laughed, the crinkles by the eyes. I wasn't fighting my battle by myself, I had this caring beauty fighting by myside.

I could use my pain and hide it with a melody. I could knit my thoughts into the music, making my feelings heard, making me seem vunerable but feel stronger.

Y/N would be with me, the whole battle fought, her/him and I together, against the mental illness. We just had to hold on, stay with eachother and not do anything too dramatic.

The demons can't win.

They won't win.

A/N: Sorry this chapter is shorter than the last one, but I have had this chapter written up for a bit and just wanted to publish it.

Sorry, it's not good. :(

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Bye!