Love Me Back To Life (Preview)

Novocain

I exhale every time my left foot hits the ground. I'm on my sixth mile and I can go for another six. These morning runs have been a godsend. It's "normal." I see other people in the park doing it. My mother doesn't hyperventilate when I yell that I'm going for one, as I make my way out the door. Most of all it helps to clear my head.

The agonizing guilt that keeps me awake keeps me running and the longer I run, the better I feel. I don't know if attempting to live life normally will make me feel better. People were always saying that moving on, living life is what George and McKenzie would want. I hated when I was told that. How would anyone know what they would want if they were no longer here to tell them? All I want is to see my friends and when I run, I do. I see George laughing, McKenzie smiling with every step that hits the ground. The images of them flash through my mind and I can feel myself smile with every breath I release.

Left foot, George, right foot McKenzie and it goes on like this repeatedly. I see a flash of Grace in my mind and stumble a bit. I catch myself and keep the momentum going. I shake my head as I try to figure out where the thought of Grace came from. Its true I haven't heard from her for a few days.

I don't know if I miss her per say, because how do you miss an acquaintance? I don't like how things were left the other day at the mall. I'm used to direct orders, what's said is meant and what's meant is said. This silent emotional conversation thing is a skill I lost after leaving high school. I didn't want to have any form of emotional conversation; silent or not and that's why I left. People kept asking me how I felt and if I was doing better? Honestly though, I never had an answer because, I felt nothing. I was numb and once that subsided, I felt; guilt, regret, and anger towards myself. So, to get other people to stop worrying about me, to see something in me other than death, I ran.

I go around the bend and another flash of Grace crosses my eyes eyes. I stumble again, this time losing balance. I throw my hands out to steady myself from falling completely. As I push myself up, I'm met with a wet nose sniffing me excitedly. I giggle and push the furry face away from mine.

"Doc!"

The familiar voice makes me smile and I'm surprised at the gesture. This so called Doc goes around my legs and gets acquainted with me.

"Hey now..." I shriek in surprise as I move away from Grace's dog. She jogs towards us and grabs his collar.

"Doc no." She corrects him and he drops his jaw letting his tongue hang out. I just laugh as he dismisses Grace's rebuke. "Sorry about that, he usually doesn't run off like that."

Doc sits obediently next to his master and looks up at me. She pats him on his neck and ruffles his fur.

"I guess you both like sneaking up on people." I offer with a weak laugh, not really sure as to where to take this conversation.

She breathes out a single laugh and rubs the back of her neck nervously. She mumbles out something that sounds like a 'yeah well'. We stand there momentarily looking everywhere but each other. At least I thought she wasn't looking at me until I hear her say, "Nice tats"

I look down at my torso and see the work I had done while I was away. My dog tags and its chains that go up my ribcage. I see Grace's eyes dance over my body and I blush a bit.

"So you're in the..." She leaves the question open waiting for me to fill in the answer. When I say army her eyebrows pop up once and she nods impressed. She touches my shoulder softly and I'm a bit embarrassed because of how sweaty I am. She's examining my tattoo that I got right after Tyler was born. I was underage at the time but my mom and dad both agreed to let me get it. It's his baby footprints with his name under it in cursive. She smiles softly. I just lick my lips and look down at the ground. I notice my laces are untied and that explains my stumble that got Doc's attention in the first place. I bend down to tie them and I hear Grace breathe out a "wow". I forget about that one sometimes.