1D BoyxBoy One Shots:D

Nouis ~ Cuts & Confessions

♥ NOUIS ~ Cuts & Confessions ♥

*CONTAINS SELF-HARMING*

Louis' POV

I gripped the knife in my hand, the blade pressing into my palm, stinging as it gently grazed my skin. I winced and squeezed my palm again. It felt relieving, and I barely felt pain. After all, I was used to all this emotional pain, and physical. I admit, I'd cut before, but only a few times. Emotional pain? Well, where should I begin? I'm always expected to be mature, as I'm the oldest. But I'm not that mature. I like to have fun and be crazy, thats just me. But management say I'm letting them all down, so I'm not as happy and out going as usual. I'm starting to fade. I'm not Louis anymore, I'm just the glimmer of him. 

Ever been told you're not allowed to be yourself because someone may not get their paycheck? That's all management are worried about. Money. They don't care how we feel. All they're worried about is getting too much money in their back pocket. They dont realize that what the fans want is us. Just pure us; the 5 boys they first fell in love with. Not the perfect, flawless boys they want us to be. I blinked back tears and positioned the knife. I dug the tip into my skin, pressing it down so I could see a small bead of blood appear beside the cold metal. I didn't wince this time. It felt no different. Yet the tears kept rolling down my cheeks. I'm glad Harry's not home. He's with his family this weekend.

Blood trickled down my wrist and dripped on the bathroom floor. I was careful not to get blood onto my clothes, or else the boys could possibly get suspicious. They've noticed I've been slightly different recently. Even the fans. They're right, but they dont need to know that. I was just doing as I was told. Being more mature, not being as loud, not as carefree. Instead I'm quiet; I hardly talk during interviews or anything. I'm just following orders from those who can take my career away from me with a blink of the eye. The same people who are reason of the blood seeping through my skin.

"Lou? Where are you mate?" I heard Niall call. I didn't flinch because I had locked the door so nobody could get in. I jumped at his voice.

"Be down in a sec, Niall!" I called back. I rinsed the knife and put it at the back of the draw in the bathroom. I washed my cuts and they soon stopped bleeding so I covered them with bracelets and I quickly wiped the drops of blood off the floor. I unlocked the bathroom door and walked into the lounge to find Niall with his feet up and eating Nandos.

"You alright Louis?" Niall chirped in his thick irish accent, his blonde hair in its natural state. Oh, and did I mention... I'm in love with Niall. No? Oh, must've slipped my mind. I'm in love with the little blonde leprechaun with piercing blue eyes and bleach blonde hair that spikes in odd directions. Want to know the suckish part? He's straight.

"Lou?" Niall asked again.

"What? Oh, yeah I'm fine." I muttered, sounding unconvincing to even myself.

"Louis, tell me whats wrong," Niall demanded, looking into my eyes. How could I tell him that I was in love with him? I couldn't. I couldn't face humiliating myself. He'd probably hate me.

"It's just management. They told me I couldn't be myself. I'm not allowed to be so carefree and being all prankster. I have to be more like Liam." I told him. I wasn't exactly lying. Management have put me in a depressing mood, but loving Niall...that just makes me crazy. I faked a smile and Niall smiled back before his smile faded and was replaced by a look of horror.

"Um, Lou? Is there something else thats bothering you?" He queried and I followed his gaze which led to the scars on my arm. I attempted to cover them with my hand as I felt the heat rush to my face. I gulped as Niall's gaze flickered between my cuts and my face. I couldn't say anything. "Don't say nothing, Lou. I know management wouldn't make you that depressed." He said sternly. I looked down at my lap and took a deep breath, preparing myself for the rejection I was about to face.

"Niall, I'm in love. And I don't think they love me back," I whispered to him, eager to change the subject.

"Lou, Eleanor broke up with you because she's stupid, it's not your fault." Niall reassured me. I shook my head and sighed.

"He's not Eleanor." Niall was about to say something, then closed his mouth in slight shock.

"Wait...he?" He asked. I nodded nervously. "Your...your g-gay?" He asked quietly. Again I nodded. His reaction shocked me. I was expecting spiteful words saying I'm disgusting. But no, I got Niall's lips pressed against mine while his hands cupped my face. I was surprised at first, but after a few moments I began to kiss back, my tongue pushing its way into Niall's mouth. I could almost feel Niall smiling into the kiss, filling my stomach with butterflies. My hands rested on his hips and our tongues playfully battled together. I've been waiting for this kiss for ages, and now it's here. Screw management. I am who I am. They can't change me. Niall gently tugged at my hair as the kiss deepened.

"Do you know how long I've been waiting to do that?" Niall chuckled, pulling apart from the kiss.

"Same here," I smiled, my breath brushing his lips.

"Promise me never to hurt yourself, Lou," Niall sighed, briefly pressing his lips against mine.

"I promise." I smiled. "Oh, and Niall."

"Yeah?" He asked. "I love you." I said truthfully.

"I love you too, Lou."