Fairytale Gone Bad - {Synyster Gates - Book 2} -

Chapter 28

Brian’s POV

Dear Katie,

I’m writing you this letter sitting in the café where we went to on our first date almost a year ago. I also got the same table and ordered your favorite ice cream. It seems like it was yesterday that we came here to enjoy the sun and those amazing feelings that we shared.

But now I’m sitting here with the chair opposite of me empty, the ice cream cup untouched and I ask myself why I did all this to myself. I had been so incredibly happy and I didn’t know what to do with all those butterflies that were flying around in my tummy. At this time I would have never imagined that we ended up like this. All I can do is think of you and the dreams I had, that will now never come true because I was such an idiot.

Of course I know that what I did was absolutely stupid, not just keeping things from you but everything that came along with my ex-wife. I know that I have hurt you beyond imagination and this knowledge makes me so incredibly sad.

You’re probably asking yourself why I didn’t tell you in the first place. Well, that’s not so easy ... wrong! That would be another lie. Because it is easy, if I swallow my stupid masculine pride! And this is what I’m doing now! And when I do this there is only this incredible emptiness and sadness left.

You saved me from a very dark place where not even music could reach me. This place had striped me of everything I held dear but you came and gave it back to me. I don’t know how you did it but you made me the man I was again. But once I was whole again and seeing what an amazing woman you are I grew scared.

You are so beautiful, Katie. Inside out. You didn’t know me but you put all your energy and faith into me. You washed me, you nursed me, you were there when I pushed people away. I knew from the first kiss we shared that I would die the cruelest of deaths when you decided to leave me. That’s why I tried to keep all the bad stuff away from you, so you would stay. But obviously this plan just backfired.

Katie, I don’t know what to do. I miss you so much. My every fiber is longing for you. I miss your sweet scent, I miss your soft skin, I miss your laugh and your singing. I miss your puffy eyes and the light touch of your cold hands when you wake up in the mornings next to me.

I wanted a little Katie with you – or five, I’d really love that. And when you told me it was about to happen I was the happiest man alive. I didn’t deserve it but hell, I couldn’t wait to see your belly and our baby grow. After all that happened I saw this a sign for a new start.

Then you told me you lost it and I wanted to stab myself. Seeing this dream shatter right in front of me hurt so incredibly bad. But it was wrong to accuse you because like you said, it is all my fault. I did this to you and left you alone. Not just physically but also emotionally.

I know I did all these things and believe me, I hate myself for them. But be sure that I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t do it on purpose or because I didn’t love you, no. I was just too naïve and too stupid to believe that, no matter what, we would be together forever.

But now you are gone and I miss you so much. I know you need time, and I will give you all the time you need, but please know that you are my life. I want to grow old with you. I want to sit in the park and feed the ducks while I hold your hand. I want to your face to be the last thing my eyes see before I leave this world to be with my brother in heaven.

I can’t be without you, Katie!

Please … come back home.

I probably read it for the millionth time now but I wanted it to be perfect. This letter was the beginning of my way to become a better man. The last two days had been so incredibly hard, knowing that Katie was so close but yet so far. I was hurting without her around but I brought this on myself. I had hurt her again, worse even and now I had to pay the price.