Sinful [malexmale]

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

"He hasn't left the closet in days. I'm such an awful person. I shouldn't have showed him that news report."

Akin was crying outside the bedroom and Hannibal was completely breaking character to hold him and snuggle him to calm him down. Abel was patting him and trying to convince him that it was okay and Cain just stood there, looking annoyed by the whole situation. I didn't want to be anywhere near them, though. I just wanted to stay locked in the closet, on the floor, where I belonged.

I curled up tightly, hugging myself under the blanket and clenching my teeth.

I was a monster.

A horrible disgusting foul monster. And if I ever died for this, I was going to take Julius with me. That scum-sucking son of a bitch. As if I didn't already loathe his very slimy existence, now I just wanted to take my time shredding it to ity bity pieces. What kind of sicko would do such a thing? To tell my family I was dead when I was being tormented for a whole year?

To most immortals, a year was just a blink in time.

But most immortals didn't spend an entire fucking year... well, fucking, basically. That one year felt like centuries to me. Each day was a year to me.

And each day, I cursed a family that mourned my death. A family that wouldn't even go outside to talk to a whole realm of people, who were mourning my death. I spat and cursed at them all while they wept for me. Guilt was suffocating me, but I let it because I deserved it.

How could I have had my affection towards family and friends to become so warped and twisted? Had all that time with Julius truly darkened me? I had barely noticed it at the time, but now as I looked back on my first few weeks of capture, to how I was now... Julius truly had dissected me, ruined me. I didn't want to sleep on a warm fluffy bed anymore. I was reduced to sleeping on the closet floor. I used to love and cherish my family. I wept the first few weeks as I wondered where they were, why they hadn't come for me yet, why they let this happen to me. And now that I knew the truth, all those months that  cursed them suddenly made me ache.

I rubbed my hands on my face, feeling tears there, then clenched my fists and tucked them back around me as I squeezed my eyes shut in pain.

Worst of all, as much as I wanted to go back now and savor every playful insult, every pop culture joke, every complaint, I couldn't imagine myself going back now. My family would remember me as I was. As a hardworking soldier that feared nothing. How would they react to having a dirty whore crawl back to them? The pain of that realization hurt so much. It would hurt them too.

I couldn't go back.

At least, not as I was now.

I took a deep breath and carefully sat up in the closet, using the sleeve of my shirt to wipe across my eyes. I slowly got to my feet, pushing aside the clothes that hung in my way before I opened the doors to the closet as quietly as I could. I could hear Akin outside now, telling Hannibal to make something for me to eat and have it brought to my room. I tried to remember the way I used to walk. Head held high, shoulders back, eyes meeting everyone else's... But I couldn't bring myself to walk like that anymore. My steps had become wary and timid, my hands trembling at my sides, shoulders hunched and eyes downcast. It was so hard to break a habit that had literally been beaten into me.

I finally made it to the door and started to open it, but Akin was already opening it from the otherside and my instincts made me scramble back from the door and press myself to the wall beside it. Akin jumped, looking startled to see me there.

"Raven?" He asked. I wasn't sure what to say at first. What could I tell this person? He'd tried to help me. So had Hannibal. And Abel. And Cain, for all his coarseness. Even Alexion had done something to assist me. I swallowed at the thought of complete strangers coming to help me, when I had given up so long ago. And even worse, a stranger that wept so heartwrenchingly for me. Even now, Akin's vibrant blue eyes were rimmed red from his crying. And he still managed to appear angelic.