His Pride is Prejudiced

Chapter One: Surprises I Get On Valentine's Day

Chapter One
Surprises I Get On Valentine's Day 

Great.  I  can't  wait  for  what  my  boyfriend  has  prepared  for  me.
     I  dreaded  this  day  would  ever  come.  Four  years  ago,  our  first  Valentine's  date  was  a  disaster  and  I  thought  that  maybe  he  was  only  anxious  since  it  was  our  first  Valentine's  Day  together.  He  got  me  a  bouquet  of  roses  and  a  beach  trip.  I  thought  we  were  going  to  an  actual  beach  when  we  ended  up  at  his  backyard  with  a  children's  sandbox  in  the  middle  and  an  inflatable  swimming  pool.  Three  years  ago,  he  gave  me  the  same  bouquet  of  red  roses  and  we  watched  a  movie  together  while  eating  dinner.  It  could've  sounded  an  amazing  date  if  we  weren't  watching  Alone  in  the  Dark.  It  is  loosely based on a series of video games. This film was panned by critics from Entertainment Weekly, Variety, The Village Voice and various Internet movie sites for a multitude of reasons, including poor script and production values, overuse of slow-motion and quick cuts to optimize the gory content, almost no connection to the game, and bad acting. One review said the movie was "so poorly built, so horribly acted and so sloppily stitched together that it's not even at the straight-to-DVD level." The movie has received a 1% rating at Rotten Tomatoes, and was included in their Top 100 worst reviewed movies of the last 10 years. A  critic named  Rob Vaux states that this movie is so bad that "the other practitioners of cinematic drivel can rest a little easier now; they can walk in the daylight with their heads held high, a smile on their lips and a song in their hearts. It's okay, they'll tell themselves. I didn't make Alone in the Dark." Screenwriter Blair Erickson wrote about his experience dealing with Boll and his original script, which was closer to the actual game itself, and Boll's script change demands on the comedy website Something Awful. It appeared on Metacritic's list of the all-time lowest-scoring films, and is on the MRQE's 50 Worst Movies list. It also received two 2005 Golden Raspberry Awards nominations for Worst Director whose name was Uwe Boll and Worst Actress named Tara Reid, and won three 2005 Stinkers Awards, for Worst Picture, Worst Director, and Worst Special Effects. In 2009, Peter Hartlaub, the San Francisco Chronicle's pop culture critic, named it the worst film of the decade.  You're  curious on how I knew all about this? Well, I looked it up on the Internet to find any possible reason why Matt loves this movie and found all this.  Now, two years ago, he gave me another bouquet of red roses and went to meet his grandparents who read me a story entitled "Bessie the Cow". Last year, he gave me the same bouquet of red roses and guess what? I was asked to help him clean his bathroom and he said it was fun because we're doing it together.
     Oh yipee.
     Now, I wonder what he's got in store for me this time.
     I picked out a white sleeveless top worn underneath a striped black-and-white cashmere and skinny jeans plus the ever-popular Converse sneakers.  I headed out our apartment door and rode the subway to our said meeting place.
     Minutes later, I arrive at the Central Park and found him sitting on one of the park benches with his arms hanging casually on the backrest and watching people pass by.  Beside him was a bouquet of roses.
     As usual.
     I walked towards him until he spotted me within twenty five meters.  His face brightened up and handed me the bouquet.
     "Thanks," I smiled appreciatively.
     "Let's head to my house," Matt said.
     "Okay." I forced a smile.
     We rode the subway back to my station and walked at a distance to his place.
     "I want to do something fun today," he said as he headed towards the couch and pulled something out of the shelves beside their flat screen.  A moment later, he flashed something up which I thought was a DVD until he said,  "Assassin's Creed."
     Oh, no, he won't.
     Oh God, please have mercy, don't let him do this to m--okay. Too late now. He has set up the game console and has given me a remote control. For Pete's sake! I don't even know how to play this!
     Wait a minute.
     Of course!  What could be more romantic than letting him teach me how to control the remote?  He'll wrap his arms around me and guide my hands through the controls.
     Genius, Ava.  True genius.
     "Babe, I don't know how to use this," I slightly pouted.
     He paused the game then looked at me.  "Okay, then you just watch me play, alright?" He smiled.  He unpaused the game.  He killed someone which looked like a knight and said, "This one's for you, baby."  I wasn't even sure whether he was talking to me or to the screen.
     So far, he has broken his own world-record for being the worst Valentine's date ever.  Period.