Finding Kate

Chapter Thirty Five: Save Me

But can you save me
Come on and save me
If you could save me
From the ranks of the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyone

Aimee Mann – Save Me

The room was small, how it managed to contain everything he didn't know. The bed was in the center, next to it a small pine hospital standard night stand and alongside the bed a sturdy metal chair. An IV dripped a clear liquid into Kate's arm.

She was curled up on her side, the blanket covered her whole body. Kate's dark hair was splayed across her pillow. The blanket was wrapped around her tightly, her hands were in it clutching it to her chest.

Tim couldn't believe how lonely she looked, how vulnerable she was. He'd seen her sleep like this before, but she'd never looked so fragile.

"I'll leave you two alone." Doctor Carmichael said softly, before closing the door behind him.

Tim strayed to the chair, his hand gliding along the back of it before dropping down into the seat. His hands ran through his unruly hair. He wasn't sure what to do. Could he touch her? Should he?

His fingers reached out and trailed along the back of her hand, across the veins and pale skin. Her fingers flexed suddenly and clasped his hand, scaring the crap out of him.

"I'm awake." she murmured through closed eye lids. "Drowsy but awake."

Tim's fingers curled around Kate's. He was surprised she wanted him to touch her, but he didn't question it. There was a bond between them that could not be broken, and he thought he knew what she needed.

"I didn't think you'd want to touch me." she told him, tears sliding down her cheeks through closed eyes lids.

He wished she'd open them, he wished she'd let him see those beautiful sapphire eyes. His fingers trembled as he reached out and and let them caress the soft skin of her cheek, over the bruises caused by the crash.

"I thought it was the other way around." he confessed, leaning in closer as he used his thumb to wipe away small tear drops.

"You know?" she asked, Tim clenched his jaw already knowing the question to come. "You know what he did?"

He couldn't bring himself to speak past the lump in his throat, instead he squeezed her hand tighter. Kate's eyes opened as he closed his to draw breath, to pray for strength. It hurt badly to know what had been done to her, to see her like this.

"I don' remember... I only remember afterwards. I remember waking up and knowing..." she trailed off, giving way to a choked sob, holding the blanket up to her mouth to stifle it.

Tim scooted closer in his chair, his heart breaking as watched her fall apart. She was processing and this was a side effect, there would be more side effects. There would be dreams and nightmares and fear, but he could deal with that. He would deal with whatever came their way.

"Is there anything... Is there anything I can do? I'm not good... I don't know..." he trailed hopelessly.

His hand cupped her face, his rough skin was a sense of comfort as she nodded.

"Can you just hold me right now?" she asked her eyes wide, baring her vulnerable soul.

Tim gave her the smallest of smiles as he rose to his feet.

"I can do that." he murmured, sliding off his shoes.

Kate shuffled backwards, he could tell her body was still in pain as she winced. He climbed onto the stiff hospital bed, resting so he was on his side facing her. She looked up at him frightened and unsure. Tim made the first move, his arm wrapped lightly around her waist as he pressed his body along the length of hers.

Kate's head came to rest in the crook of his neck, her hair tickling his cheek. His hand massaged up and down her back, her ear was next to his lips, he wasn't sure why he did it, but the words from an old lullaby his mother used to sing came back to haunt him. He found himself murmuring it into Kate's ear as she snuggled closer trying to lose herself in the safety he gave her.

"I thought I was going to die." she said after a while, raising her head to meet his eyes.

"I'm glad you didn't." he said looking down at her.

"I didn't want you to lose me." Kate told him, her lower lip trembling.

"I could never lose you." he whispered. "Your a part of me Kate, Your a part of my heart and your a part of my soul."

She pulled her hands out from between them and wrapped her arms around his neck. Their faces were inches apart. The proximity was startling. Tim couldn't think, or breath as he stared into her eyes. He could only feel.

There was heat between them, his body was wound up tight from the sexual tension. He felt nauseous, knowing that the lower part of his anatomy was stirring, but at the same time there was the primal urge to claim her, to make her his own again.

Tim hoped that Kate couldn't feel it, that she was too wrapped up in everything else to realize that it was his raging hard on and not his leg that was pressing against her stomach. He wanted to draw away but wasn't sure how to with out frightening her.

Kate bit on her bottom lip, he saw the smile twitching at the sides of her mouth and he knew that she knew and he felt mortified.

"At least I know I'm still attractive." she murmured, her gaze sweeping downwards.

Tim felt his cheeks flush red as he buried his face in her hair.

"I'm sorry." he muttered feeling utterly ashamed. "I know that its not ok, but my body is pretending it is."

"It is ok, it's natural...I'm glad." Kate said softly.

Tim pulled away from her shoulder to study her face. She didn't look like she was lying. Her hand smoothed over his shirt, he could feel it's warmth when it came to rest over his heart.

"It means you don't see me as a victim and I need that. I need things to feel like they can go back to normal, and this..." she said grinding against him a little until he gasped. "is normal."

"That was mean." he said, half serious.

"I like knowing that I can still do that to you..." Kate informed him, before curling up, her head resting on his chest.

Tim's hand slid to the back of her neck, his fingers lightly caressing the sensitive skin there as he pressed his lips to her forehead.

"I love you Kate." he murmured, inhaling her scent.

Kate closed her eyes and held onto his shirt tightly, scared he would leave her if she let him out of her sight.

"I always need to know that Tim."