Saudade

Two. And So It Begun

I hated it when people made a fuss. Particularly when it was over me. It made me as anxious as the person fussing, and I hated being anxious. Anxiousness caused an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach that twisted and turned in the most uncomfortable of ways.

My brother's fiancé knew all of that good and well, and yet she still continued to fuss as she talked a mile a minute while flying around the room, pacing. Technically pacing. It was more like dancing in my opinion. As she was a dancer, a ballerina to be exact, she was very light in step so every move she made kind of looked like dancing.

"I just can't believe you're going off to college," Demi said, tears glistening in her princessey bright green eyes. "This is so exciting, but so sad too. I mean, I know you really won't be that far away, and that of course you'll be okay because you're a very smart girl, but it feels like just yesterday you were five years old. How does time go by so fast? You have to call your brother almost everyday. He won't say it to me, but I know he's really nervous about you going away to school. I'm really nervous too, but you don't have to call me as much. I'm thinking every other week, or, actually, every week is a little better. Are you sure you've packed everything? I don't want you to forget anything. You have to-"

"Demi," I cut her off, grabbing her hands to stop her in her tracks. "Breathe."

She paused, wrinkling her eyebrows as if she truly forgot she needed oxygen in her lungs, and then nodded.

"Right," she swallowed a deep breath. "Sorry. I just-"

"Talk when you're nervous," I laughed. "I know, but you don't need to be nervous. I'm going to be fine."

"Of course," she gnawed on her bottom lip, still looking very much worried.

It didn't escape me for one second that I would miss Demi just as much as I would miss Aidan. She was like the sister I never had the fortune of having, and as deeply as I loved my brother my love for Demi ran in a slightly different route. I found I was more capable and comfortable talking to her about certain things than that I just couldn't talk to Aidan about.

For example, what were the best feminine products to use? Why were my boobs sore for a few days out of almost every month? How exactly do I accomplish the task of shaving my legs without cutting myself a bunch of times? Was shaving my legs really something I had to do? What type of birth control should I go on?

That last question I actually did ask Aidan. I was about fifteen years old, and the second it was out of my mouth I was quite sure he was going to pass out.

I ended up getting a very lengthy lecture that lasted approximately two days. All I managed to take from it was that I was expected to never have or think about having intercourse with anybody.

So, completely unhelpful.

Demi, however, was helpful, and was more than glad to talk to me about such things, and other things as well. In fact, I talked to her about everything and anything that happened to be on my mind. Things I was comfortable and not so comfortable sharing with Aidan.

If I really thought about it, she was probably the closet thing to a best friend that I had, which I probably should have considered sad and slightly pathetic, but I didn't because I liked Demi. I really liked Demi.

She gathered her long, dark brown hair into a messy ponytail and took another deep breath.

"Of course you're going to be fine," she nodded and flashed me her dazzling smile.