burning g.d

1

it's never a good sign when your mom calls you downstairs to 'talk'. so when mine yelled up the stairs for me, i pretty much thought the worst.

are my grades okay?

did my mom find my weed stash?

oh shit she probably found my weed stash.

thousands of thoughts ran through my mind as i skeptically made my way down the stairs, holding on to the laminated wooden railing.

"yes mom?" i called out through the living room.

"come here."

fuck, what did i do?

my nervous body passed through her large doorframe and i peeked my head around the corner to her bed. the expression on her face didn't make me feel any better. my stomach squeezed as i stepped toward her.

"close the door please."

she found my weed stash, didn't she?

"am i in trouble?" my stomach churned as she shook her head with her thin brows knitted together in confusion.

"no, of course not. i just have some news. sit down." i did as i was told and i sat down on the leather chair in the corner of the room.

"so, sol..." she paused, my heart fluttered like a humming bird.

"yes."

"richard got a job offer."

"oh dick got another job offer?" i rolled my eyes, my stepdad and i never really got along.

"sol, be nice. yes. he got a job offer that pays double what he makes now."

"oh wow, like we don't make enough already." i scoffed, they act like money is everything. that's why we moved to roseville, the money was better. it didn't matter that my dad and brother couldn't move with us, they're not rich like my mom. all she wanted was more. as if family wasn't enough. now we've got everything we could ever want, but we've lost what we really need.

"there's one problem..." she ignored my comment.

"what is it?"

"it's in san francisco. he took the job. he'll begin in april, we'll be out of roseville by the end of march." my heart sank and a strange anger rose from my throat.

"you gotta be fucking kidding." i shook my head and closed my eyes, pushing back already rising tears.

"sol, this job could push us all into success. don't you want that?"

"mom, unlike you, money isn't everything to me." the words barely left my lips before a tear slid down my cheek.

"it's not everything to me either."

"mom?" i look up from my lap and make eye contact with her concerned brown pupils.

"yes?"

"why'd we move here?"

"what do you mean?" her forehead created deep wrinkles as she cocked her head to the side in question.

"do you remember the reasoning for moving to roseville?"

"yes. richard got a promotion."

"it's just never enough is it?" by this time salty droplets we're spilling from the corners of my eyes, my throat sore from my effort to suppress them.

"sol, this is such a great opportunity. why can't you just be happy for us?"

"you mean why won't i pretend to be happy while you're pulling me from my happiness? hm mom, i really don't know. maybe i should just fake a smile to make sure you're content. maybe i should just hide my emotions so you can make more money." i pushed my tongue back to stifle a sob and a choked cough emerged.

"sol, we've already decided. end of march and we'll be in a new house. i know you don't want to move but at this point you really don't have a choice."

"don't want to move? we've been here for two and a half years. two and a half years and i'm finally happy. it has taken two and a half years to be content with where i am, and now you're just gonna rip me from everything i've worked for and make me start over." i stood up from the leather seat and made my way to her dresser of wedding pictures.

"i only have one year left of high school. after that i'm out, so why would you make that last year miserable? for him? you're going to destroy my last year of my childhood for this mans job offer?" my fingers reached one of their pictures and i pulled it to my torso, staring down at it as warm tears plopped on the glass.

"i would never put money above you, sol."

"really? then what are you doing right now? oh, you're putting him above me." my arm lifted only to drop once again, the picture crashed down onto the hardwood floor. my mom yelled but i drowned her out, shaking my head and slamming the door as i exited her room.

•••

that night i drove my beat up sedan to nowhere in particular. it was the one thing i worked for. every other object was given to me, in effort to make up what they had taken away. this car was bought by me, for me. nobody could tell me anything different.

i made stops at the places i held the most memories from the last two and a half years. my first date, the movie theatre me and my friends has the worst luck at, the middle school we would go to just to scream at little kids.

i remember once we didn't have a ride home from the theatre and none of us could drive. we waited at that theatre for two hours, calling every upperclassman we had in our contacts. another time we got kicked out of the elementary school because we kept screaming harry potter spells at the fifth graders.

i've had the bad times too. like when all my friends turned on me. it hurt more than being cheated on, it was worse than any heartbreak. i had never felt so alone before that. but once i found myself again, i never felt better.

roseville wasn't anything special. not even close. the town itself was dirty and cluttered, the wide streets and cracked sidewalks, the depressing 'downtown' that no one even mentioned. the people the town held were mostly stuck up and rude, but the few that stuck with me out of pure kindness really left a mark on my perspective.

they showed me that even in a world drowning in water, some still manage to stay burning.