A Mistake

Chapter 8

Ang susunod na fanfic ay Rated SPG :)

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"I'm sorry." I blurt out the word almost immediately.

"You think I was having affair behind your back?"

"I didn't know." I choke. "You smelled of woman's perfume every time you came home."

James sighs, long and pained. He buries his face in my hair. "I should've introduced you two long times ago."

My dad knows. All I could think is my dad knows and he didn't bother to tell me before. Does this mean James' telling the truth? And why my chest feels suddenly too tight. "I'm so sorry."

"It doesn't matter."

I shift to my back, forcing James to pull his head back. "It is. It matters a lot to me." Ashamed and guilty, I force myself to stare at him square in the eye. "I didn't know what came over me concluding that you . . .that you. . . ." Why is it so hard to finish my sentence?

"You're jealous." He says with so much finality and cockiness.

"I'm not."

James just smiles at me. "So, we're good then?"

Are we? I don't know what to answer. I look away because I can tell he knows what's going on in my mind. Do I want my status as his wife back? I admit I do, but for entirely different reason. A reason he can't and will never give to me.

"What do you have in mind honey?"

I cast a glance at him. His hand is now playing with my hair and it's really distracting. "A lot of thing."

"About us?"

"About you." I say truthfully.

"Tell me." He urges.

"I – you, why did you agree to marry me in the first place?"

When James exhales wearily, I felt my last piece of hope vanish in the air. I wait for him to answer patiently. The answer never comes because I feel his hand slides under my t-shirt. Heart thumping rapidly, I lay still as his palm curls around my still flat belly, probably checking if the baby has shown yet. And oh my god, I feel like fainting.

The way his hand touches me feels so possessive . . .intimate. We may be a husband and wife. But it's crystal clear that there's no feeling between us, or maybe on his part.

And it hits me again in the head that he has been solely mine since the day we married. Oh god, I have him all along and I just realized about it. Stupid, stupid girl. My t-shirt has ridden upwards at the force of his hand, causing my tummy on full display. James takes the benefit of it by caressing my belly gently. I'm captivated by the sight of his hand on my stomach.

What the hell is he doing?

"A baby." He muses.

Guilty slams hard. Yesterday, I sort of dumped everything on him without second thought. I watch him watch his hand plays over my belly. I search for the sign of apprehension, disgust or whatever negative signs it is. None of its shown. Does this mean he wants this baby as much as I want it?

"Do you regret it?" I tilt my head aside as I regard him more closely.

He stares at me as if I've just slapped him. His hand, which has been creating havoc inside me, stops moving.

In some weird reason, I felt relieved. James may be unattainable, but he isn't completely a cold bastard. The thought of it makes me sick. I know so little of the man who has been intimated with me so many times. It's always safe to touch, to kiss, to mate, but not for feeling and words. I wonder what kind of relationship that we have?