He wiped the falling tear with the sleeve of his jacket, but other than that he just stood motionless watching me with sad eyes.
"Can I?" he motioned to the inside of my hotel room with his chin.
I said nothing, just nodded and walked back to the couch, leaning on the arm of it.
Quietly , he shut the door and sat down next to me, I moved closer to the edge, further away from him the better. He seemed to get the picture and stayed where he was.
"Ezmirelda?" When I didn't answer or even move, he carried on. "I know whats happened, and I know how you feel, and I don't want to make you feel this way any more, and I don't want to feel this way either. Its gone on long enough, too long actually. This has to stop. We need to work this out. I knew what I did was wrong and I just wanna sort it out. And I cant do it without you. I cant live without you. But for this to be alright, even if its only so we can be in the same room together, but I can't do this on my own. Its hard, yeah I know. I know how you feel." His voice was breaking.
I felt tears well up in my eyes. But I wasn't sure if it was anger or because I was upset.
"What do you mean 'I know how you feel'? How can you know how I feel? I wasn't the one who ruined your life. You wasn't the one who cried for days. You wasn't the one who had to go counselling for four years. You wasn't the one on anti-depressants. NO, it wasn't. So no, you do not know how I feel! HOW CAN YOU JUST COME BACK AFTER ALL THIS TIME AND PRETEND EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE?" I yelled back, and my tear poured from my eyes.
"No, but you don't know what I went though after, do you? You act like you got the bad end of all of this! You didn't!" he yelled back. "You have no idea what my life was like after it happened. You may be a smart one with everything. You might be the smartest child in your school. Your poetry might be as well known as Harry Potter. You might be one of the richest families in America. You might be the most popular girl in your school. You might be possibly the prettiest person alive. You might have everything. But I had nothing. I have nothing that matters." He was still yelling.
"NO! I don't have everything! How could I have everything? The one thing I always wanted, the one thing I want. I do not have!"
"Whatever. I lost the one thing that meant everything to me. I lost you. And nothing, NOTHING can compare to that, Ezmirelda. No pain in the world is like that."
"The why did you do it?" was no longer angry, just hurting.
"I didn't realize it would affect you this bad. I didn't... I'm so sorry, you just have no idea how sorry I am. How much this hurts me. Ezmirelda. I love you." I choked out the last three words as if he hadn't said it before, that's he hasn't lied like it to tones of girls.
But I couldn't say anything, even if I wanted to, which I didn't, I couldn't. I felt so numb.
I just stayed silent, watching Sandy dancing around on screen. I just had no idea what was happening.
"Ezmi-" he started, but I cut him off.
"How did you find out where I was hear?" I asked silently. I couldn't bring my voice above a whisper.
"The check in desk."
I didn't say anything for about ten minutes, neither did he.
Soon enough, he stood up and walked to the door, he looked back as he touched the door handle.
"don't go." I whispered, maybe too quiet for him to hear.
I just pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapped my arms around them and dropped my head down on the knees. I heard the door close and I knew I had managed to blow my chances.
