Ways to my Heart (Mortal Instruments FanFic)

Chapter 8 ~ A New Type of Depression

"Clary?" I asked anxiously, she was just waking up. I was still holding her cheek and I was shaking her with my free hand. Her emerald eyes opened and she seemed so frantic. 

"Clary, are you okay?" 

"Yeah Jace, I'm fine" Clary said starting to sit up. 

"No, you aren't. What's wrong?" 

"Nothing.." 

"Clary, there's something wrong." 

"No, there isn't."

"Clary you seem like you are on the verge of crying. Please tell me what's wrong." 

"I'm sorry Jace." 

"What?" 

"I'm sorry." 

"Why, what. What do you have to be sorry for?" I asked her taking her hands in mine. 

"I didn't mean to do it. He forced it on me-" 

"Who forced what on you?" 

"Sebastian.." Clary mummbled looking at our hands, I felt a drop fall to my hand. I knew Clary was crying. 

"What did he do?" I asked, my voice stern to my own ears. 

"He-he. Sebastian raped me..." Clary cried in a soft whisper. "And then he, he made me drink from the infernal cup...I-I'm sorry Jace." Clary whispered sobbing into her lap and my hands. I took my hands from hers and pulled her into me. I heard her sob start to stop but she was silently crying, I knew this because I could feel the wetness on my shirt. 

"Clary's it's going to be fine." 

"No.. no it isn't!" 

"Why?" 

"I'm pregnant Jace." She whispered into my shoulder. Clary? Pregnant? Sebastian is really going to die soon. I can't believe my precious Clary got raped by Sebastian, then was forced to drink form the mortal cup and is now pregnant. My poor, poor Clary. This was a New Type of Depression I was feeling. First I lose her and now she's pregnant, unwillingly might I add, from my nemisis?? And her brother?? Is that even legal? Who the fuck cares if it's legal it's fucking disgusting and she's 18. I tightened my grip around her as her sobs grew. 

"Maybe Magnus-" 

"Logan already checked. It's a demon Jace." I felt Clary burying her face into my shirt. I pulled apart a little and looked at her emerald eyes that were now glassed over. Her eyes were red and puffy. I then pulled her back into me, cradling her head in my chest. I felt her inhale sharply as I pulled her into my lap. My Clary got raped, My Clary drank from the infernal cup, and My Clary is pregnant with Sebastian's baby. 

"Tell me what happened from the beginning." I felt her bodt tense up from under mine but she began. 

"I came here after I went to the New York Insitute and saw you, you know. Cheating and stuff. I ended up here and Jessica and Max took me in. I quickly became friends with everyone and trained here. After about 2 years Sebastian came back and we got into a huge fight and I was forced into drinking a sip of the infernal cup. That's how I basically control the elements and then a couple months ago he came back and raped me. He took me for a few days before anyone could find me and he abused me and raped me everyday. I found out I was pregnant about 2 weeks ago. I'm about a month pregnant Jace. I'm sorry. I wish I wasn't." Clary sobbed. "It hurts so much" Clary whispered crying even harder. I combed my hand through her hair trying to calm her down. Nothing was working, how could you calm someone down who got raped by her demon brother and is now pregnant with his child? 

Clary's P.O.V. 

I remember Jace holding me until I stopped crying. I missed being in his arms, I missed feeling safe whenever I was around him. I miss him. I can't believe I am actually pregnant, I'm only 18. Plus, this is Sebastian's baby I'm carrying. I always thought I would be carrying Jace's, but no. I have to be carrying my pscyhoatic, demon brothers child. I couls feel it tearing away at me slowly everyday. I never mentioned to anyone else but Emily and Logan. Not even Michael, Ryan, or Jessica knew. Soon a bump would show, at least that's what Logan said. I can't deal with this. I wish I never lived sometimes, nothing ever goods come out of it. I have really had a shitty life. 

I sit on the couch watching Jace sit on the gorund and process everything I just told him. I jsut spilled my guts to the guy who broke my heart. That's a smart idea. I put my hand to my stomach and then quickly pulled it away, I wasn't comfortable with this. I don't think I ever will be. Secretly, I was hoping for a miscarriage. 

"Do you think I could get a miscarriage?" I asked Jace softly. Jace looked up with the most worried eyes I have ever seen. He was biting his thumb and quickly looked back down, not answering. I have never seen Jace like this. So, so out of it. Not sure on what to do. "It's not your fault, I hope you know that Jace." I whispered twidling my thumbs. 

"Of course it is. I was the one who made you leave. I was one who made you upset all the time. This is all my fault. I'm sorry Clary, please forgive me." I looked into his golden eyes. All I could see was pleading and sadness. Then i did something I never thought I would do. I took my hand and put it under his chin and lightly kissed him. I felt a spark of electricity run through my veins and all that mattered right now was us. I could feel Jace's surprise in the way he kissed back. Reluctant at first but then he slowly started to deepen it. I leaned forward, my body pressing against Jace. Our lips moved in sync as I cradled his head. His arms wrapped around my waist like snakes. I pulled back a little, looking into Jace's eyes. Hope and happiness now, I wanted him. And I wanted him badly.