Secrets.

Chapter 12

I woke up the next day literally hurting. I just wanted to be in California with everyone else but I was stuck here, alone. My dad was here  but when did he ever have the time to talk to me? He was too busy trying to sign Selena Gomez and get some fake relationship going on between two of his other artist. (I always thought he did that with Justin and Selena, which I'm sure how the relationship started but didn't end). I didn't know anyone here anymore; Sammy and I's friendship didn't last at all. The only people I had were the people on tour and Chaz, his lying ass never came. I'm sure since he's out of High School by the end of this summer he'll be coming. 

Justin: 

Babe.

I looked at my phone and debated whether to text back because it was his fault I didn't go. He waited right until I had to pee to leave, like he was here one second and when I came out of the bathroom my dad said something like "They're headed to California" and I cussed Justin out over the phone without letting him say a damn word to me. I was still pissed off even though I could easily leave and not say shit to my dad because I'm old enough to go. 

Me: 

Justin. 

I really did not want to be here. I kind of wanted to rip out all my hair but then again I wanted to cuddle next to someone. I wish my dad could see that I'm not going to go off and have 5 kids by Justin or mess up anything because I'm really no bother to anyone unless they talk to me first. 

Justin: 

You're still mad I see, come okay? what can he do if you do leave 

I pouted. I was actually scared to go because what if I left and he thought something happened to me. I could write  a letter. He'll be pissed off and come to California trying to drag me away from Justin. What can he do though? He'll probably make up some bullshit story and sell it to TMZ about Justin being with a girl or saying Selena and Justin are together or some shit about me and Justin just being friends when that can be turned around real quick. 

I didn't bother to text back instead I started to pack. I didn't know when I was going to leave or how I was going to get all my shit out to a taxi and leave without my dad seeing. This was like running away and never looking back (something I've always wanted to do) but then again it's not like I'm missing or anything because my dad knows exactly were I went its so obvious. Plus the media will be non-stop about us and that'll be a fucked up thing. Watch people think that were fake or something considering my dad is known for making fake shit for publicity. 

After packing whatever I could fit in my 3 suit cases I got out a pen and paper and began writing to my dad. I didn't know how to start it so I did the basic I'm leaving letter start off. 

Dear Dad,

You've always wanted me to be your little girl but you've always made me feel bad. Ever since mom died you kind of made me feel bad every time we spoke. First it started with you not wanting to talk to me about anything because I reminded you too much of mom. Then it went on when I got in my first relationship with Jermy and I wanted you to help me but you didn't want to hear me talking. I tried telling you about him about how he made me feel good and you told me he was an asshole and I didn't believe you because obviously a teenage girl doesn't want her dads opinion on a guy she thought she'd love forever. Then I was crying out for help. You barley looked at me to even noticed what he was doing. He was hurting your little girl and you didn't do anything about it. You sat there not wanting me near him but you never stopped me from going. And that time he came when we went on tour with Justin you didn't notice the mark he left on me—no one did. How didn't you notice me getting abused by him almost every time I came home with a bruise? I tried hiding it but even if I didn't you were too busy with Justin to notice which brings me to my next thing. I know you don't want me with Justin at all but he's the only one who listens. I didn't take him from Selena, I promise, she took herself away. Didn't you see the abuse she was doing to Justin? No, because you were too busy trying to make them go out in public for publicity (that Justin didn't need). I think Justin loves me like I think he does. Even if he took me from this "innocent" 18 year old and showed me what that life is about it's not his fault because I just wanted someone to pay attention and love me. I don't see why you don't see that. He's perfect for me and I'll always love him no matter what you or anyone else says because he was my first everything and I've loved him ever since we met when you got him signed. I was writing this to you because I think since I'm growing up I don't need to be here anymore right? I need to find my path in life—making mistakes is something I will do and you don't need to keep me locked up for them not to happen—if California is not for me I'll go to New York, if Justin's not for me they're many other guys in the world that I'm sure will find interest me, If this whole trip I'm taking is a blow out I'll make it through. I've been through too much too not do what I want to do. By the time you read this I'll be on my way to California or maybe I'll be there. When you do read this know that I'm not leaving to piss you off, or to get away from you I'm leaving to better myself. The tours not even over so I'm sure I'll see you again. You are my dad and no matter what I'll always love you. 

Love Always, 

   Demily. 

I decided 3 days in Atlanta would be good. Booking a flight and actually deciding to go would take a couple days. I wasn't rushing to go just in case something did come up and It wouldn't be best for me to be their at the time. Nothing ever came up and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go anymore. The letter was a hard thing to write considering I told my dad about past abuse and how I felt towards him. I kind of felt bad by leaving a letter but he would never let me go on my own. 

Waiting for the taxi was the worse thing because he could pull up any time and I'm realizing this is real—I'm actually leaving to California. I felt like this was best. I'll end up living there permanently, I know, If it's with or without Justin that's my dream place and that's where I'm going to go. I'm not afraid to try something new or to make mistakes so I know that this trip won't be a regret. You learn from your mistakes. 

"Where are you running off too?" The cab driver asked once I put my last suit case in the back seat next to me. I had no idea how he figured I was running off somewhere. 

I looked at the house, "California." I looked ahead, "The airport is where I'm heading to."

The drive there was awkward because Justin's music was on the radio. Was this a sign from the heaven above? I smiled to myself as we got closer and closer. I was freaking out too because my dad could be reading the letter and I have no idea. I was mentally freaking out every inch I knew I was closer to California. When I reached the airport I was nervous and entering the plane was even scarier because this is it. 

Me and Justin both stood silently waiting for my bags. My dad could have read it already and I don't even know. Justin's arm loosely around my waist was making me nervous for some reason. He'd been my boyfriend for 5 days (thinking/saying it is actually weirder then I thought) and It still didn't seem right. It was right in other ways but romantically? Weird. We've did a lot together but not as a couple which got me jittery because a first date (with a guy who didn't mentally and physically abuse me) is terrifying and not knowing what to say or how to act because he's my boyfriend and not my crush. 

The bags finally started coming and people began grabbing while mine came last, I had the best luck. "That's it?" He asked, 

"Obviously do you see anymore?" I was being sarcastic but his stupid attitude always took shit too far. I could tell by the look on his face he wanted to say something but you don't say those tings to our girlfriend do you? "I was joking do have to take it serious." I mumbled it, hopefully he wouldn't be regretting letting me come. 

Justin was pissed off. Not at me but at something he didn't warn me about because he got an attitude with me and my bad attitude and other peoples bad attitudes don't mix so we were sitting there yelling at each other like we were a 60 year old married couple fighting over how they met 40 years before. 

Justin suddenly shut up, "Okay." He said leaving me sitting on the couch as he grabbed his keys and walked out the door. Shouldn't I be the one leaving? This is his house. Then I felt bad. I was always feeling bad even though it wasn't even that serious. I mean leaving is kind of serious I guess. I don't know. I was always wrong in my other relationship and I always made things bad so I guess I did this to myself. I shouldn't have even said anything. Why did I even go over and say anything without making sure he was fine? I'm so lost. I don't even know how to make this better because Jermy would act like he did nothing afterwards and I don't want to do that to Justin. 

I paced around his house for 2 hours and 7 minutes (I was counting, judge me) when I heard the front door open. I was being nosy looking at a painting on the wall that was simply beautiful. I'd never seen anything like it before. I didn't take much interest in art but it was pretty and I liked pretty things (on the low, not a big girly girl). 

"Sorry for being a bitch." Came out of my mouth as soon as me and Justin made eye contact. What else was I suppose to say. 

"My fault." He kind of shrugged it off looking forward. "Want something to eat?"

"You." Slipped out of my mouth before I even realized it.

"Wouldn't mind having you either." He shrugged. 

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