Take Me Home • h. styles ✔

16 | Heartbeats

A/N: This time it’s Hannah’s point of view, so for you to at least know what she’s feeling. ^_^ 

Featured song: Something Stupid by Nicole Kidman and Robbie Williams.

HANNAH

     My eyes kept their gaze on the cracked ceiling. Despite how many times I blinked, the outlook of everything didn't change. Everything was still the same. The ceiling still had those extensive chinks and cracks that raze the beauty of its smooth, superficial beauty no matter how long I kept looking at it. Maybe it was the fact that those flaws, regardless of countless attempts of mending them, would never be stripped off to the way they were before. With moments of having these thoughts in my head as my body found comfort on my supple bed, I realized that the ceiling epitomized who I was – the girl who lost faith in it all.

     Yes, it was true. It was the perfect notion that would best describe me of who I am at the moment. My dad was right, and he would always be. What is faith in times like these? After all of the tragedies I had experienced and seen during this destructive, dreadful apocalypse, the idea of having faith and strength to believe in the existence of God and even the essence of carrying on with life was slowly fading away from my accepted wisdom. My mind kept telling me that there was no point in living anymore, and that it would just be for the best to keep on living here, safe inside our home in London, just for the sake of counting the days of how much time we would survive given this trail that seemed to be unending and hopeless to overcome. Our home was even not a guarantee of survival, for the bodies of torment would just be in proximity with our eyes, making their slow shambles right outside of our doors. The peril of losing our lives was within reach, and if I had the choice without Louis or dad’s constant persuasions of not to lose faith, I would just run out of the house and let myself be devoured, letting my life to be taken away in just a few instants. Once that happened, everything would finally be over.

 

     But at the same time, I had to admit that upon Louis’ coming into our lives, he made me ponder that it was not right to just give up. I was really thankful to have him, or I would definitely renounce everything because my heart would not take it if I would be living with my dad without any companion. He became my best friend, and my brother. He became my source of belief, although my faith was still trivial because the thoughts of losing my mom and Holly kept coming back in my mind. They were the only people who understood me, whom I felt loved throughout my life. However, I supposed that God gave me Louis to make me somehow believe that it was not the end of the life yet. He took my mom and Holly’s place in my heart for now, but I knew that he would never replace them, for they were the two most special people in my life.

     As my eyes kept looking on the ceiling, my mind kept thinking of the conversation we had a while ago. It was just too unacceptable for me, because it had been a long time since I yearned for other people’s friendship. I was happy when Louis endowed me with comfort for the five months of living the life of destruction, but Niall and Harry made me feel more blissful than ever. Not just that those three people were from the band that I admired the most, but their presence made me feel at ease and safe, and I knew that I had more people to count on and have a cause to believe again. We had been together for two weeks as of now, and our home felt vibrant and full of life again upon their coming in our lives. Although, I knew that everything would be momentary, for up until now, I hadn't told them the reason why I almost caused the bereavement of their lives when I pulled the trigger on them by mistake. I was afraid to tell them the reason, even though I knew for myself that it was all by chance.