The Lemon Meringue Boy

Part 36

That did it. Bill had never said please for the entire time I'd known him, and I doubt he said it all that much beforehand. He had to be in absolute agony.

 I had to help. I didn't care if it killed him, I couldn't let him be in that much pain. I was aware that it made no sense. I'd been realizing that my sanity had gotten out of hand since I set foot in the falls, especially when it came to the demon I was supposed to hate. My emotions were jumbled. I found solace in the fact that nothing made sense around Bill Cipher.

This would be tricky. The aspirin and naproxen were in the medicine cabinet upstairs. That meant I had to sneak the little psycho-terrorist through the TV room, the kitchen, and up the stairs. Then back. I'd be damned if we didn't run into anyone.

"Okay Bill, I can take you upstairs to get something for... that. But, and this is super important, you have to control yourself! That means no talking, walking away, touching anything, or being stupid." 

I felt like I was a mother trying to control a hyperactive toddler at the grocery store. Bill was nodding frantically. I doubted he was listening though. He obviously just wanted alleviation as soon as humanly possible. 

"You understand that this is life or death!"

"Yes! If you zip it and get me some freaking drugs I might live, and if we sit around talking for one more second I will throw up my guts and I will die. I got that. NOW FIX IT!"

I had had enough. "Look, I don't know what you think is gonna happen up there, but there is a very high chance that if you don't pull it together and show some restraint, we will get caught! And when we get caught, you die! And when you die you go back to the void or worse! And I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure that an eternity in limbo is a shit-ton less desirable than a freaking BELLYACHE! Now unless you want to die again you have to stay hidden and follow my lead! UNDERSTAND?!" 

Thankfully, Bill seemed to realize that it was in his best interests to back down. Otherwise I was prepared to do nothing about his little headache and let him learn his lesson, and we both knew it.

"Okay, Follow me and be quiet. Hide if anybody comes." There was so much more I could've said not to do, but I felt that if Bill had any common sense he wouldn't try anything dumb. It was his own life. I grabbed a sturdy enough cardboard box from the corner of the basement. When I flipped it over, a nest of spiders fell on the floor. Startled, they scurried back into the shadows. I brushed off some dust and cobwebs and dropped it in front of Bill. He stared at it with a blank expression.

"What's this for?" He was still holding his head and talking as if his teeth were clenched. He didn't have teeth, so I didn't know how he managed that.

"Get in."

"Are you serious?!" Bill looked at me, acting as if the box was something peeled from the sole of a shoe.

"Well what else am I supposed to do? I can't just lead you through a house full of people and hope nobody sees. What did you expect? You want your meds or not?" Bill grumbled and got in. I started to close the top off.

"What, no complementary bags of peanuts? What about entertainment? I'm tellin' you right now, this is straight up lousy. You'd better not go asking me for a rating, 'cause it's not gonna be pretty I can tell you that..."

I was relieved when the top was finally closed. It was quiet again. I grabbed the box by the bottom edge. I suddenly felt a burst of adrenaline at the last second and I dropped it hard on the cement accidentally-on-purpose. Probably mostly accidentally.

 I was glad for the cardboard that muffled the stream of profanity that followed. I made a note to self to have a talk with Bill about censorship. That is, if he was alive by then.

Just like that, my nerves re-scrambled and adrenaline pulsed through my veins. I was about to take Bill, the most hated being in Gravity Falls, upstairs. Everyone up there had a bone to pick with him in one way or another, and the only disguise he had was a highly suspicious cardboard box. I had to play it cool. No sweating. No stuttering. No red face. If anyone asked I was taking some research equipment to the bathroom to clean. 

Nothing suspicious. Not at all.