It's Just Me

A message?

Stupid, stupid, stupid! I emphasize the last one with a smack to my own head. I should have stayed and let her speak, but no. I allowed jealousy to take over and I believed whatever I thought I saw. Surely, there's more than just one explanation for it. Besides, what am I even talking about? They're together, much to my dismay, they can do as they please... Of course, I have to start seeing it this way, when I'm already back home.

I sulk (at myself) the day away, I can't even seem to play properly, so I put away my acoustic a while ago. Slumping down on the couch, I turn on the TV and surf through channels, not finding anything decent to watch, until I hear the doorbell. What the hell? Who would be visiting me at this time? Well, Stevie could, but I highly doubt it, in this case.

However, when I open the door I do see Stevie. She doesn't seem pissed off, but why would she be here then? I ask her that question, sounding a little too mean and annoyed than I intended to. She insists on coming inside and I let her, as we go to the living room and she tells me to sit down.

Honestly, I don't really want to listen, but when Stevie starts talking, I suddenly wish the ground would swallow me up whole. It's just gone from bad to worse and it's all my fault. Although, Stevie isn't mad, at least it doesn't show. I apologize, taking her hands in mine and she doesn't pull back. She says, she was angry for only a short moment.

"Is Karen waiting for you?" I ask and she explains to me that no, she had called a car to come here. "How about I order some food for us and, I don't know, we can watch a movie or something?"

She seems slightly surprised, but the corners of her mouth curl up, as she says. "I'd love that."

I let out a deep breath that I didn't know I was holding, smiling back at her. We quickly decide on what to eat and I order for us, then go in search for a bottle of wine that I'm sure I must still have. Stevie followed after me, as she's now leaning against the wall and I feel her watching me as I look through my kitchen.

"Ah, here it is." I place the bottle down on the kitchen counter, opening one of the drawers for the corkscrew. "This might sound forward, but it's after 9 pm and you could just stay in the guest room? It's all set. Or am I going to have to trust a complete stranger to bring you home in the middle of the night?"

"Well, I can't see why I should choose a stranger over your offer." Stevie shrugs her shoulders and takes two glasses for the wine that I give to her.

"I really don't mean anything by that, though." I feel like I need to make that clear.

"I get that." She nods once, as we return to the living room.

We don't have to wait much longer until our food is delivered and we sit down to eat. Stevie has made herself comfortable on a pillow on the floor, due to how low my coffee table is and I smile at that. Clearly, she notices.

"What's so funny, huh?"

"Nothing. It's not funny, it's... I just remembered the old days, when we would throw pillows on the floor and sit down on them to eat. Also, the early 70's was probably the last time I remember you eating pizza."

"I give into temptation, very rarely, but I do."

"You should treat yourself more often."

"Well, my diet doesn't exactly allow me to."

"I don't think you need it, you look beautiful. You always have been and always will be to me."

I see her cheeks turn slightly pink, as she lowers her eyes and reaches for her glass of wine, taking a generous gulp rather than a sip from it.

"I mean it." I add, since she didn't reply.

"Thank you. I don't think I've ever told you this, but... you're the only person, whom I believe, when you tell me that I'm beautiful. I think the fans only see some kind of image of me they created in their heads, that I'm perfect, which I'm not. Other men, well, I think that they obviously want something from me. But you... you've seen all kinds of me, you've been by my side at my very best as well as at my very worst and still, when you say those words, as I look into your eyes, I believe you."

Now I'm the one, who can't utter a word, as I stare at her. She's smiling at me and I don't think she's actually waiting for a response, taking another sip of her wine.

"Put on some music instead of the movie?" She asks a moment later.

Standing up, I wipe my hands on my jeans, receiving a disapproving glare from Stevie, as I walk over to my record collection. "Huh, I haven't listened to this in forever." I hold up Imagine by John Lennon. "I think this is very fitting." I joke, skipping right to Jealous Guy.

Once we're done eating, Stevie grabs another cushion from the couch, placing it beside her. "Join me."

And I do, as we sit together, sipping the wine and not talking. In this moment, speaking to each other would only ruin our lovely time. A couple of songs later, Stevie rests her head on my shoulder and I wrap my arm around her middle, pulling her in a bit closer.

The record had finished playing, but neither of us move. I'd like to ask what this means for us, where might this lead us, but... maybe some other time. Although, she did tell me loud and clear how she feels about me, she also broke off her relationship with Christian. Is she sending me some kind of silent message?

I'm not exactly sure how much more time passes, but Stevie lifts her head up, placing her palm against the side of my face as she reaches up slightly and kisses me briefly. "Good night."