Confessions of a Christian Girl: Naked and Unashamed

Chapter Two: Catching Feelings

Chapter Two: Nicole 

Catching Feelings:

Vic gave me his number that day, and I decided to call him and thank him again just for the ride. He answered on the first ring, “What’s up sweetheart?”

“Hey Vic. I just wanted to thank you again for today. I really appreciated it.”

“It’s cool sweetheart,” he paused, “So what’s up? Talk to me.”

“I’m not too sure what to say. Tell me about yourself,” I suggested.

“I can talk about me all night, but I would much rather hear more about you sweetheart. What’s your story? You got a little boyfriend I need to take you from?”

“My story? Umm well no I don’t have a boyfriend; and if I did, what makes you think you could take me from him?”

“Time and patience baby girl.”

We talked on the phone for hours. My mother had to come in and remind me to eat dinner! Time flew by that night. The days flew by as well because after 3 weeks of casual flirting, we became a couple. After that, things really took off. My whole life was suddenly changing. People in school began to treat me differently because I was known as Vic’s girlfriend…half of the student body didn’t even know my real name but everyone in the school knew me as Vic’s girl. It’s like I became popular overnight and I must admit, I was loving the attention. Things at home began to change as well. My mother was always telling me that she didn’t like the new me and that I shouldn’t get my hopes up with Vic but I loved him. She didn’t understand what it was like because she wasn’t my age. She’d often tell me that I didn’t know what love was but I knew how I felt for Vic…I knew that we were made for each other. I would often question her and ask that if I wasn’t allowed to have these feelings for Vic then why did God wire me this way? Why would God allow me to feel things like this if it weren’t real?

It was the last day of school as well as Vic’s graduation. He had come to the school to pick me up, but he looked different. I leant up to kiss him and he even kissed me differently.

“Baby what’s wrong?”

“Baby girl we gotta talk,” he looked away from me, “I don’t think this can work anymore.”

I felt my heart breaking, “What? Why not? What did I do?” I felt the tears clouding my eyes ready to fall down my face.

“I’m sexually frustrated. I wanna have sex, and I’ve been trying to be really patient with you but I can’t take this anymore. I know you’re saving yourself for marriage and I respect that or whatever but I think we should call it quits. I don’t wanna pressure you into doing something you don’t wanna do and before I cheat on you, I’d leave first.”

“Where is all this coming from baby?” I couldn’t hold the tears in anymore. The car stopped in front of my house. He got out and opened my door.

“Look baby girl, I gotta go…I’m sorry…” he kissed me on my forehead before he drove off. Moments later, I walked in the house as tears cascaded down my cheeks. I couldn’t let this happen. I needed to show him that I wasn’t a baby. I contemplated the pros and cons of living without him and I refused to not have him apart of my life. He was my first love. He was my soul mate and I needed him. I loved him and I was really ready to express that in a way that words couldn’t describe…it was time to let my actions speak for themselves.

 

 Dear Diary,

All my life I grew up in the church and I was told that God didn’t condone pre-marital sex and that fornication was a sin. I’d hear countless sermons about the dangers of sex and soul ties. I’m young. I should be able to experience things and make mistakes for myself…after all how am I supposed to learn from it if I never went through it? I think I’m gonna do it…I’m gonna have sex! Yes. My decision is final! I need to keep my man!