Confessions of a Christian Girl: Naked and Unashamed

Chapter Seven: A breath of fresh air

February 13, 2011 my life took an unexpected turn. I was now 21 years old and I was officially living back home on the weekends. I had been working as live-in nanny to put myself through college…so Monday- Friday I lived with the family I worked for, and the weekends were my own.  Being a nanny had its rewards. The pay was phenomenal but the connection that I built with the family I was working for was the greatest reward. I loved that family as if they were blood. I worked hard for them and I honestly loved my job. When I would go home on the weekends, I would spend my time relaxing and resting up for the next work week to come. For a while this was my routine: work all week, and relax on the weekends…but it got lonely very quickly.

        I was just coming off of a 21 day Daniel’s fast and the voice of God was clear in my heart and mind. During my fast I prayed for restoration. I prayed for God to give me wisdom and discernment. I asked God to continue to lead me and to guide me. I totally and completely surrendered to Him and it was a wonderful feeling. I asked God to show me what I deserve and to help me appreciate my blessing when he gave it to me.

        …February 13, 2011…what can I really say about this date? It was definitely the start of something new and something that I knew would last forever. It was around 9pm and I was off duty for the night. I was in my bed flicking through the channels and I couldn’t find anything to watch. I turned my TV off and I decided to read instead. I began reading a romance novel and it started to tick me off. I was upset.

Here I was 21 years old, and I had never been head over heels in love with someone that loved me back…I wanted love. I was fascinated with the whole idea of being in love, and giving your heart to someone in the hopes that they wouldn’t break it…I wanted that…but I didn’t have it. Don’t get me wrong, there were guys that tried to date me after Vic and I were over, but I wasn’t ready to date. I honestly was still working on myself and I didn’t have time to deal with another guy playing games with my heart. But now, here I was ready to date again and there was no one to be found…there weren’t any guys after me…or so I thought.

I closed my novel for the night and decided to check out my social media accounts until I got tired. I went on Twitter first and all I saw on my timeline was goofy girls in love and talking about their excitement for Valentine’s Day. It pissed me off. Instead of joining in their excitement, I found myself becoming bitter. I was lonely. I wanted love and I felt like I deserved it after all of the hell that I went through…but then again, a part of me was afraid. I needed to get off of twitter but before I did, I posted a tweet…I don’t know what made me do it…but  I did, and looking back on it, I’m glad that I did!

        I must admit, when I logged into my twitter account, I was not expecting to have a conversation with anyone…let alone with him. I had first knew of him when I was thirteen years old. My church was having its church anniversary and he was there as a musician…a drummer to be exact. He was eighteen and I was thirteen…he was cute but he was also older and I knew I had no chance of him even looking in my direction so I let that crush go quick, fast, and in a hurry! I was actually introduced to him when I was 18 years old. I had written a play and I was holding auditions…he showed up. When I saw him, I instantly got butterflies…it was weird because I NEVER got butterflies; but, here this guy was standing less than 2 feet away and he was making my stomach twirl. He auditioned for the main character and he blew the judging panel away. He got the part. To no avail, the play went nowhere. He had to drop out of the play and I couldn’t find a proper replacement.