chapter thirty five

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“Come with me.”

“I can’t,” I answered, unable to meet his gaze. We were in Jared’s SUV at the end of some deserted, long-forgotten country road. 

“Come with me,” he pleaded again with me in the dark of the vehicle’s interior. 

“I want to, believe me. But I can’t, Jared,” I said again. Everything was silent for a few minutes, except for the wind blowing outside.

“Tiffany, I--” Jared began.

“Jared, I can’t. I’m in my last semester of school. Maybe you shouldn’t have reenlisted,” I interrupted shortly. It was a low blow, but I couldn’t help it. 

It was three years later, and Jared had reenlisted with the Marines last year in the spring. He was home on leave again, but had to return again on a plane tomorrow evening. We’d had a huge fight when he had reenlisted, but, his mind had already been made up long before his first four years was up. 

He let out a long breath. “Tiffany--” he began again, and I could feel his eyes on me in the dark. I dared a look over at him, dragging myself from looking out of the passenger side window. “Tiff, maybe we should….I don’t know…” Jared trailed off. He seemed like he knew what he had wanted to say, but wasn’t sure how to go about saying it.

“What, Jared? What should we do?” I snapped. My tone had a little more vehemence in it than I had intended, but I couldn’t help it. I feared that I knew what was coming. 

“Maybe we should take a break….from all this….from…..” Jared paused for a long moment and then finished, “us…” his eyes searched for mine in the dark, I could feel it.

My heart and breathing instantly stopped. My entire body went numb; my mind went blank. Had he seriously just said what I think he had? The cargo light flicked on, momentarily blinding me. I shut my eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the new lighting. When I reopened them, tears blurred my vision.

“What?” I asked, “Are you…breaking up…with me?” I squeaked out.

“I don’t want to…” he began.

“Then why?” I interjected, my voice barely at a whisper. His hands were on my face and I shook them away. I turned to look out the window; I couldn’t face him right now.

“I just think that a break would do us some…good,” he tried to reason. 

“How is that, Jared?” I spat, turning swiftly to face him, my eyes full of hurt and anger. 

“Tiffany, I---I just---can’t,” he replied, hanging his head low.

“Can’t what? Jared, please explain this to me. For years now I’ve been by your side through thick and thin. Through the entire boot camp thing. We’ve been through four deployments together. We’ve survived all of that, and now you’re wanting to just ‘take a break?’ Who does that? I mean, come on, seriously!” I was barely keeping my voice from screaming volume. Anger pulsed through my body, and I wanted to know a valid reason why. Why!

“I can’t….be there….knowing you’re here…alone,” he said slowly, carefully.

“And I guess if we take this ‘break,’ then you won’t have to worry anymore? Whatever can happen to me, and you’ll still be able to rest easy at night? Well, Jared. Thank goodness. I sure would hate for you to lose sleep over my well-being!” I exclaimed. Without thinking, I opened the SUV’s door and climbed out, slamming it shut behind me. I wrapped my arms around me, trying to shield myself from the cold night’s wind. 

I began walking, swiftly and without direction, in the dark. Behind me, I heard Jared’s door open and shut. 

“Where in the hell are you going? It’s freezing out here!” Jared yelled after me, but I didn’t stop. The wind whipped my hair into tangles behind me. The cold wind bit at my cheeks, and stung my eyes. The tears streaming from my eyes raced backwards towards my ears. I didn’t make a single attempt to wipe them away. 

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