Blown Away (CURRENTLY EDITING)

Chapter 19: Forgiveness

It's been a couple weeks since the Christmas Ball. Travis is probably upset with me. I mean, c'mon, I would be, too, if I found out one of my friends did the same thing I did. Since you guys don't know what happened, I'll tell you.

FLASHBACK; IN GARDEN DURING CHRISTMAS BALL

"Hey, Abi, what's-" How did he find me? He's not supposed to know about this now, no one is, "What the heck happened to your ankles!?!" I was scared now. He's never yelled at me before since we got back together. How do I work with this? Maybe I should just say something so we won't lash out at me like dad does.

"I... I did it..." I was ready for impact. I don't know what he'll do now.

"D-did I just hear you right!?! You did that to yourself!?! Why!?!" He stumbled over to me and ran his fingers over my cuts. I guess he was seeing if this was all real. When he realized it was, he kinda just had this astonished look on his face.

"T-to punish myself..." That one sure got him.

"What on earth for?" I kept getting worried. This wasn't the Travis I grew up with. Well, it kinda was before we got back together after a few years, but now since we've been back together, he hasn't been like this at all. Would we have a replay of middle school all over again?

"So God would ease up on me..." I knew this was true, but did Travis know? He's not even a Godly man, so he should understand, right?

"Abi, what're you talking about?"

"God's been punishing me, I just know it. Makin' you leave, taking mama, letting daddy abuse me... I'm telling you, Travis, I did something wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Abi. I was stupid, a drunk driver was stupid, and your pathetic excuse of a father is a complete idiotic jerkwad. God loves you, you know that." I guess I was wrong about the whole not being a Godly man thing. Honestly, I'm tired of this whole 'God loves me' thing. I mean, why would He? I did so much wrong in my life, I don't deserve His love. And He's obviously showing it by putting me through the stuff I've had to go through ever since mama died.

"I'm done talking about this, okay?" I got up to leave but Travis tried to grab my wrist and made me wince in pain. He removed my glove and saw the marks on my wrist from smacking them with a rubber band. He checked the other wrist and saw the same thing on the other side. He just stared at me in astonishment.

"Abigail Danielle White..." He's using my full name? Wow, I'm in trouble now.

"Go ahead, be mad at me, I just don't wanna talk about this whole God thing anymore! I'm tired of hearing He loves me when He's the one that took so much from me! What was His plan in that, huh!?!" I then stormed off trying to control the tears that were threatening to pour down my face. I realized I might've just risked our relationship again. For what? God. See, this is why I think He doesn't love me. I mean, if He did, He'd prevent this stuff form happening to me, wouldn't He?

BACK TO PRESENT

I pretty much locked myself in my room since the Christmas Ball. Not much food other than the stuff in the mini fridge Amy put in here before I started staying. Barely any water but still having some thanks to the bathroom in here. No people to talk to. Nothing. No one. Just like I've felt ever since mama died. I didn't wanna see anyone. I didn't wanna do anything. I didn't wanna go anywhere. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and die, like I do now.

*Why, God? Why do You have to treat me like this? What was it that I did wrong? Is it my fault for mama dying back in middle school? I don't know anymore. Geez, why am I even talking to You when I know You won't listen? Maybe because You're the only person that can actually be in the room right now since You see everything and everyone. I just don't get it, though. Why me? Why now? Why this?* My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Who is it," I ask.

"Who do you think," they replied.

"It's unlocked, Amy." She opened the door and slowly walked in.

"Honey, you've been in here since the Christmas Ball. Travis is getting antsy about you."

"Oh, really? I bet he doesn't even care right now. If anything, he's mad at me." She sat on the bed and looked at me with a sympathetic look.

"Abi, Travis told us what he saw at the Christmas Ball. And Jonny and I honestly can't believe it, either. We didn't think you'd do something like this to yourself."

"Honestly, no one knows the real me anymore. And, Amy, if you're gonna bring God into this, I really don't wanna hear it."

"I'm not gonna until you're ready, darlin'. But I think you need to talk to Travis because he's been in a fit for the past couple weeks."

"He probably doesn't care about me right now."

"Oh, really? Because he's hidin' out in his room, doin' 'bout the same thing you are."

"Well, I guess you can let him in, then."

"Alright, I will."

It didn't even take Travis a minute before he showed up in the doorframe of the room I was staying in. He literally looked torn. He had a bit of stubble, his hair was a mess, his clothes were wrinkled, and he had dark circles under his eyes. When he saw me in the same kind of condition, he made a bee line for my bed and threw his arms around me. I didn't know how to react, so I just patted his back. He looked up at me and I saw that his beautiful, blue eyes had turned a dusty grey color. Back when we were kids, the only time his eyes turned grey was when he was upset about something.

"What're you so upset about, Travis?," I asked.

"A lot of things," he replied, "one of them being a possible repeat of middle school, except you would be the one that was done with us."

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know. You just seemed upset at the Christmas Ball... and I've never known you to do this sort of thing. And then you locked yourself in here like a prisoner and... I couldn't stand it... so I stayed the same way for a while. When mama told me you wanted to see me, I literally ran like a mad man to you. I don't know, it's kinda stupid, but... I don't wanna lose you again, Abi."

"Same here, Travis. You wanna do what we did when we were kids when this kind of stuff happened?"

"If you're talking about building a fort out of blankets, then I'm in."

We built the fort effortlessly. This brought back memories...

"I remember that one time when you were so upset about Hunter moving out," Travis said, "you stayed over here for an entire weekend and we spent the whole time in one of these forts."

"Same thing for you when Wen moved out," I replied, "but you stayed at my house for an entire weekend and we made the fort in the basement in my house. But, with what happened... I don't think I ever wanna go down there again..."

"You don't have to. I don't know how, but I'm going to try and keep you as far away from him as-" There was a sudden bang downstairs.

"Abigail Danielle White, get your f***ing ass down here right now," a man with a slurred voice shouted loud enough to be heard in this room.

It couldn't be possible. It just couldn't be... could it?

ANOTHER CHAPTER DONE!!! XD I'm soo sorry I couldn't get the New Year's Ball! I feel awful!!! D'X But I was so busy with church, I didn't exactly have much time to work on it! Hopefully it wasn't too late for you guys! So, hope you all enjoy 2014, never forget about 2013, and stay tuned for the next chapter! Show your liking however you like! And God Bless! :)