Dear Diary, it's Marilyn

Chapter 31

Finals are over! *celebrates* Back to regular(ish) updates. Everyone who commented on the last chapter had such insightful answers to the chapter question that I really don't know who to dedicate this to, so I'm dedicating it to all my fans. Oh, and I think the general opinion from your answers was that if you're in love, it's alright to have sex.

Chapter 31

"No."

"No?" I repeated, not wrapping my head around what Joe was saying.

"No." He replied as if that was that.

"You mean you're refusing to let me get a divorce?"

"That's exactly what I'm doing." Joe nodded, leaning back in his chair with a confident smirk on his face.

"Are you drunk?" I didn't give him the chance to respond. "You can't do this. We obviously aren't a good couple. Nobody thinks we are, not even your friends. How can you not want a divorce?"

"Is this about that argument we had when you were filming? Sure, everyone may be talking about it now but it will all blow over in a couple weeks."

No, it wasn't about that, but I couldn't tell him it had anything to do with Milton either, could I? Of course not, so I had to make something up. "I'm not attracted to you anymore, Joe." I shrugged. "I can't help it, but when I look at you I just don't feel that spark anymore." That wasn't true at all; I still found Joe one of the most attractive men alive, more so than Milton. Don't get me wrong, Milton was a very handsome man, but Joe was much more rugged and I liked it.

Joe stood up, his eyebrows raised. "You don't find me attractive." It wasn't a question. He took a slow, deliberate step towards me, making me shrink back against the living room wall. I shook my head and he took another step. He looked down at me, his chest just a few inches from my face. Gently cupping my face with his rough hands, Joe bent down towards me.

He brushed his lips against mine so lightly I could barely feel it. Standing on my toes, I pressed myself against him and closed the distance between us for a proper kiss. I could feel him smiling against me. He ended the kiss himself, still grinning triumphantly. "You don't find me attractive? I don't believe that for one second."

"That's not fair!" I pouted, realizing what he just did. Shoving him away, I stomped over to the couch and sat down. He sat down beside me, draping his arm over my shoulders. "I was caught up in the moment. And besides, it's not just that. It's your drinking habits. You drink far too much and I can't trust you when you can't make good judgments for yourself."

Joe didn't answer me for a while. Instead he removed his arm from my shoulder and absentmindedly drummed his fingers against his leg. He took so long to answer that I began to worry a little.

"Joe?" That snapped him out of it.

He turned to face me, his expression suddenly very serious. "This is really because of my drinking?"

"Ah…yes, it is." I could feel my face go red at the lie so I looked away. It was only partly a lie, at any rate. I mean, it was his drinking that caused Joe to have such a bad temper which caused him to argue with me which caused me to sleep with Milton… but I still felt guilty about the whole situation.

"If a divorce is really what you want…" he cleared his throat. "If a divorce is really what you want, you can have it. I don't want to end this badly."

I didn't feel any rush of happiness, I didn't want to leap for joy at his words. I just felt relieved. "Thank you. I-I want to be your friend."

"We'll see about that." His voice was gruff. "I'll call my lawyer." Joe left the room.

Now that the hard part was over, what was I going to do with my new freedom. I considered calling Milton to tell him the news but I decided against it. Just because Joe and I were over didn't mean I wanted to leap headfirst into a new relationship.

"Mr. Rudin will come by tomorrow with the papers to sign." Joe's voice brought me back to reality. "If you don't mind, I'd like to keep this quiet for a few weeks at least. Our names are already in the magazines; we don't need more attention."

"Of course." I agreed without complaint. That would give me time to decide what to do.

"And I'll stay with a friend until we announce the separation. Then I'll officially move out."

I began to protest, "You don't have to do that. You can stay here until-"

"It'll be best for both of us." Joe was right of course. We both needed our space.

"You know I still do love you though."

Joe shook his head. "Please don't say things like that, Marilyn. This is hard enough." There was a moment of silence. "I'll go pack my things."

"Wait, Joe. I'm going to go see Jean soon."

"In that case, I suppose we should say goodbye now. I should be gone before you get back."

I stood up. "Goodbye then, Joe." My vision became a bit watery as I held back tears.

"Goodbye Marilyn."

And I hurried out of the house before he could see me cry. Maybe Joe didn't realize it, but he still meant so much to me. I had been such a horrible wife to him, hating him behind his back, having an affair. We just weren't good together.

            So off I was to see Jean, who I knew for a fact hated people who had affairs. Hell, I used to hate people who had affairs. Now I was one of them and I had never felt so alone.

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No chapter  question this time, but there is a request instead. Spend the day trying to strengthen your relationships (all of them, not just romantic relationships). Maybe if you got in a fight with someone, be the bigger person and apologize. Let your friends know they're appreciated.

Thanks for reading! (And commenting and voting, hopefully!)