Dear Diary, it's Marilyn

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Because of what I said, Sue didn’t come to the wedding. Margaret still came to support me and she was a very good bridesmaid, although it was difficult to find a dress to fit her, but without Sue it felt like something was missing.

I said my “I do’s” with Jim to applause from our families and became Norma Jean Dougherty, but I didn’t feel any different than when I was Norma Jean Mortenson.

Both our families seemed really happy and cheerful but I noticed Jim didn’t seem overjoyed. When we danced together, he wouldn’t look me in the eye and danced about a foot away from me. I didn’t really mind though; I wasn’t feeling any wedding bliss either.

We plastered on fake smiles for the photographs and, after the reception, Jim and I went to his house with Mr. and Mrs. Dougherty. We couldn’t afford a honeymoon.

Mrs. Dougherty had been thoughtful enough to set up a bedroom for us. Of course, this bedroom consisted of two twin beds that had been pulled together to make one queen-size bed, a vanity mirror, and a dresser.

Jim said he was going out for a smoke and would be back in a minute, so I took the opportunity to change into some lingerie and a nightgown. After all, it was nighttime and I knew all too well what was supposed to happen on a wedding night.

I sat down on the bed and waited for Jim to return. Through the walls I could hear Mr. and Mrs. Dougherty arguing about something or other. They mentioned my name a few times. Eventually they quieted down.

Jim still hadn’t come back and I was beginning to get impatient. I felt exposed in the little white nightgown I had changed in to. How long could it possibly take to smoke a cigarette? I didn’t even know Jim smoked!

The faint sound of the front door opening jolted me out of my thoughts. Jim was coming back. This was it!

Jim walked into the bedroom smelling of smoke. His forehead was glistening with sweat.

When he saw me, he just stood in the doorway, completely dumb. He didn’t make a sound; he just stood there.

“Jim? Is everything ok?”

Jim swallowed. “Everything is fine. Why wouldn’t it be? Everything’s fine.” But he still didn’t move.

Instead I got up and walked over to him, trying to sway my hips and act sultry. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. How could I?

I placed my hand on his cheek. “Jim, look at me.” He did. I then removed my hand from his cheek and held his hand instead, and I lead him over to the bed.

I sat Jim down on the bed and sat down next to him. Leaning over, I kissed him gently on the lips and pulled him towards me. He began to lie down on top of me, but then-

“I can’t do this!” He sat up, and put his head in his hands. I struggled to sit up. What did he mean he couldn’t do this? He had to.

“But Jim, it’s our wedding night!” I protested.

“It shouldn’t be.” He mumbled quietly, but I heard him all the same.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means we’re only 16, Norma! I’m not ready for any of this and right now, I just can’t do it!” I was shocked, but I quickly composed myself. I’d never heard Jim really yell before.

“Do you want to know a secret, Jim?” He nodded, looking forlorn. “I’m not ready for this either. I’m scared too.”

“You are?” I nodded, and Jim looked considerably brighter. “Then what are we going to do about it?”

“Well,” I thought for a minute. “Why don’t we put off…our wedding night…until both of us feel ready? We can just pretend we did it.”

“Yeah…yeah!” Jim grinned. “I like that!”

Jim went to the dresser and pulled out some pajamas.

“I’m going to go change in the bathroom and then go to bed. I have to go to work tomorrow.”

I lay down in the bed and thought about the situation. It wasn’t so bad. Jim was a wonderful boy and his parents were nice too. I could get used to living with them.

I felt Jim get in the bed and lie down on the other side, making sure he didn’t touch me. He was really respectful.

I could get used to this.

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