The Girl with The Bad Attitude

Chapter 19: How Did That Make You Feel

After the day of Zayne and I's breakup, I huddled myself into a cocoon and sat like that for awhile. Partially because I just didn't want to move and because I didn't want to hear the newborns screaming at each other at the top of their lungs.

Not only were they screaming potatoes, they also were very smelly screaming potatoes- I really do not appreciate it. I should've climbed in Sage's truck and followed him home. I let my clenched fist rest upon my forehead, trying not to get myself too heated. I continue to stare angrily at the blank wall when I hear someone come into the room. Following that person is a strange smell.

I let my eyes wander over to Lavender, watching as she waves the aroma and spreads it all over the room. "Is that a sad attempt to get rid of the smell of babies?" I question her as she continues to twirl around the room like I dancer. Mental note. Refrain yourself from rolling your eyes at Lavender's ridiculousness.

"No, it's a sad attempt to try and cheer you up." Lavender suddenly stops twirling and comes closer to me, bopping her wet finger on my nose, making me scrunch it up. I rub the liquid off of my nose with my hand and sniff it.

"What in the world is this?!" I furrow my eyebrows as I look up at her for an answer. She merely bats her eyes at me and continues to spread it around the room some more.

"It's aromatherapy. Your therapist said to try this out, he thinks it might get you out of this funk that you're currently in."

This time I let myself roll my eyes at her. "I didn't mean what this is. I meant what smell." When I was in my younger stages of childhood, our mom would also use a lot of aromatherapy in an attempt to calm me down.

Lavender tosses the bottle in my lap, making me hold it up to the light to try to read it. 'Chamomile oil.'

"Chamomile is known to be an antidepressant." She plucks the bottle out of my hands as she puts it in her pocket, pulling out a completely new bottle.

"How much do you think I need." I narrow my eyes at her, noticing how full her pocket is.

"As much as you can get." She mutters as she starts spreading Cedar wood around the room. "I also have Vetiver and Lavender oil." She sends me a sly wink as I release a groan and fall back onto the bed.

"Who's watching the babies?"

"Kyle is."

"You let...Kyle watch the babies...all alone by himself?" I say slowly, watching her reaction slowly changing. Suddenly, the cry of the two sounds throughout the whole house.

"Maybe that wasn't the best decision I've ever made." Lavender cringes as the crying gets louder. She looks at me with widened eyes, "I'll be right back!", she yells as she runs out of the room.

"Move along, my minions." Jezabel shoos Sterling and Shy inside of the room with me. Jezabel slowly crawls on top of her own bed, resting her arms behind her head. "Fetch me my finest barbie doll." She waves her hand, motioning for Sterling to look inside the toybox.

"Girls are the worst." Sterling huffs out as he gets on his knees, sifting through the box.

"What did you mutter, peasant?"

"Nothing, your majesty." He picks the doll up by a thread of hair, holding it as far away from him as possible as if it's a disease. He lightly throws the doll on the bed, alongside Jezabel and flops onto his own bed. I watch with squinted eyes as they all pull out different devices, playing on them at the same time, Shy watching Sterling.

This generation. I grumble in my head as I turn my head, peering out of the window. I scoot closer to it as I watch the scenery.

"What are you looking at out there?" Jezabel asks curiously as she comes next to me, looking confused when she sees nothing outside.

"Just the clouds...and how they move and the grass swaying back and forth every time the wind picks up."

"Clouds move?!" Sterling shouts from his bed, standing up and running over to us to look out at the window.

Jezabel ignores her younger brother and furrows her eyebrows. "So you're looking at...nothing."

"Some would say that, yes. That's why you've got to use your imagination to fill in the blanks." Jezabel continues to look at me strangely and I decide to elaborate more.

"Like that cloud...it looks like a magical princess reaching down to pick up the finest of apples." I point at the window as Jezabel looks at the sky.

"Is she a magical warrior fairy princess?!" Jezabel shouts excitedly, making me crack out into a smile.

"She can be whatever you want her to be."

Shy captures my attention with his giggles and I turn around to see a disheveled Kyle standing in the middle of the hallway. "I'm never gonna be by the twins again by myself." I watch as he shakes his head, continuing to walk down the hallway. All of the kids around me let out little giggles, finding Kyle's struggles funny. Just wait until they're older and have to babysit them, bey they won't be laughing then. At the thought, I also let out a little laugh.

"What's so funny?" Jezabel tilts her head up at me.

"I'll tell you when you're older."

"Now?" She asks with a hopeful grin on her face as I let out a groan, knowing I made a huge mistake.

"Okay. The twins are finally settled down. How about we go watch some movies!" Lavender looks at the little ones, ushering them out of the room, pausing as she looks at me. "I'll be right down!" She shouts into the hallway, making her way over to me. Lavender hesitantly sits down next to me.

"What has you down in the dumps?" She drags both of her legs into her chest, wrapping her arms around them.

"Do you remember that boy I told you about when you were in senior year of high school...the one that liked me and I liked him?" I stare at my nails as if they're the most interesting thing in the world.

Lavender thinks for a second, recalling the the moment. "Yes, I do." She nods her head at me and I continue.

"Well, we kept in contact with each other throughout the years and in my sophomore year he finally decided to ask me out...and I said yes. We've been dating for about a year and a half. At least, we were." I mutter the word bitterly underneath my breath. "He basically fell in love with another girl and I suspected it for awhile, but I didn't want to break up with him. I just felt comfortable doing the same thing over and over again every year. Three days ago, I decided to finally call quits with him."

Lavender doesn't say anything for awhile, she only stays quiet as she processes my words. "So you two were in a relationship that no one knew about, right?" I nod my head at her question.

"How did that make you feel?" She asks me as I start to stumble, not finding the right words in order to answer her. "Ivory, it's okay to have human emotions." Lavender puts her hand on my shoulder and I let my eyes close.

Feel? How did that make me feel?

"I felt...like a burden, it made me feel useless, an embarrassment." I choke as I hold back a sob, not wanting to cry. I clench my fists until they both turn white. Lavender slowly places her hands over both of my fists.

"Ivory, I hope you know that you are none of those things." I say nothing else as I continue to look out of the window. Lavender says nothing either for the rest of the time being, the only thing she does is wrap her arms around me as I sob into her shoulder.