The Diary Of Jane | ✓ [DELETING]

21.

What does he gain from all of this, does it make him feel better? Why fix me if he knew he's just gonna break me all over again? I just wished I knew a reason why. But I know that I'm not gonna get one.

I should've known better. I realized that from the moment I laid eyes on his phone. We were at his house and he was making us some popcorn and drinks for a movie night. In his head everything must have been going perfectly, thinking how dumb I am for believing in his lies. But he made one mistake. One mistake in his sick and twisted plan. He left his phone unattended. I hesistated at first. I really did. I knew that I shouldn't be looking through his phone. After all, I promised I would believe him. But the curiosity got the best of me. And curiosity killed the cat, a.k.a me. Well, figuratively speaking. I rolled through the messages until I saw the one that I wished I didn't. It was the message he sent me, the message that changed everything for us. The message that brought us back together. Only this one wasn't meant for me. The recipient was the name of a person I really, really didn't want to see ever again. Kaya. My heart was beating so hard, I thought it was going to pop out of my chest. But now, from entirely different reason than before. I scrolled down and saw a bunch of other messages. They all said he didn't need me anymore. I immediately got this hollow feeling in my stomach. I was breaking, crumbiling to pieces and it was all his fault. 

After that I just ran. I literally ran from his house. I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to hear him. Because if he looked at me all I would've seen are his lies. If he talked to me all I would've heard are his lies. It was difficult to find myself and then go back to the place that made me lose myself.   But now he got no more cards to show. I've seen them all. I'm not longer buying the lies he sells. Now I see. I see how his ugliness has made me ugly too. And it's time to change that.

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