Broken Brent [bxb]

Part 1-8. Mad Isn't How People Should Be

I’m not asleep for three hours when my mom lets Seth into the house. I should have had more sleep, but I kept thinking about Gale. All these memories of us from what seems like forever ago filled my mind. I couldn’t sleep. It sucked.

Three hours feels more like three minutes. I just want to sleep. I wish Olive would let me skip, but I don’t see that happening. This is Seth though, maybe? Oh wait, He’s Olive’s puppet. Not that that’s a bad thing. It’s just how it is.

It doesn’t help that I’m 94% sure I have a hangover and the other 2% just wants to fuck it and sleep and the other 5% is bad at math. Of course, I’m lying; 100% of me just wants to sleep. Sadly, I have to get up now, at eight-thirty to go to an AA which is that last thing I want to do. I would rather be drinking myself to death. Too bad Olive wants me alive to see her die.

My sister, Megan Olivia Tanner, has cancer. I hate talking about it. I hate thinking about it. I hate cancer.  She’s nineteen years old she couldn’t start college because of it and her senior year was ruined when she was diagnosed. She tries to pretend she doesn’t think she’ll die, but I know her better than that. We didn’t go to AJ’s grave because it was his twenty-first birthday we went because she doesn’t know what’s after this life so she’s unsure she’ll ever see him again. I think she thinks a few days ago was the last time she will never be able to visit her brother. In fact I know so. I did indeed steal the letter she confessed all this to.

Dear AJ,

           How’s the weather? You’re closer to it that I am, though I might be joining you soon. I don’t know if you know that, but if you don’t I’m telling you: I have cancer. The doctors won’t let me the true about it. They just want to sugar coat everything like Mom and Dad did when you passed away. Though you didn’t really pass you more like went.

          You know I miss you, right? Every day I think about you. I wonder if you’d be the kind of guy I let friends date. I don’t know how well that would work; most of my friends are guys. Well if my boyfriend, my brother, and his boyfriend count as friends. I hope so or else I have none. Wow. Friendless Olive. Oh, yeah I go by that now. I couldn’t stand hearing people call me Meg-Meg after you died. That was your thing.

        Happy Birthday! Today you would have been able to legally buy beer, but you were never the type of guy to wait for things like that. I think you would have shared some drinks with Brent and I. Well, at least me, Brent has a problem with alcohol. You would only be half as protective of Brent that I am, but you would still protect him. I know Dad blames him for you not being here. Dad really loved you, he still does, but him taking it out on Brent…I hate him when he’s like that. I know you didn’t like Brent very much when you, but you loved him, I know. You told me, remember? It was a few weeks after you found out the kid Dad always babysat was actually our brother I believe your exact words were “Dad messed up, but Brenton’s our brother. We love him, okay? We can hate his mom for trying to steal dad, but we love Brent. He’s our little brother. I finally have a brother.” You probably think I’m crazy for remembering all that, but at the time it was the most important thing you ever said to me. You were always wise for your years. I assume by now you would have had the wisdom of an eighty year old man and the mindset of a partying college student. 

       I didn’t get to go to college because of my cancer. I really want to go to art school. I can draw. At least everybody tells me I can. I like drawing and painting and other things like that. That’s what I want to do. My inspiration comes from you. I keep that shark you drew for me taped above my desk. It’s my favorite work of art.

         Brent’s a lot like you. It makes me sad because he’s like you, but he’s not. He has your wiliness to break rules, and your wisdom, but he’s got…issues that you were blessed enough not to have had. I’m not sure what all he has, but he’s tried all forms of self-destruction you can think of. I know if you were here you would help him. Actually you guys would probably get into all kinds of trouble. I like thinking about what life would be like if you were here.