Crazy (BoyxBoy)

Evaluation

Vaughn is really cute. So cute, in fact, that I have no idea what to do with myself. Sitting across from him while he's writing things down on a clipboard is even too hard for me. His glasses are sliding down his face, his curly hair hanging down. He has a maroon t-shirt on and his arms fill it out nicely. I've never had these thoughts about anyone before. I'd wanted someone before, but lusting after them? Wondering what they sounded like in bed? It was exhilarating.

The only problem is, he's my boss. He's my boss, and he's normal. This is a problem. A normal problem. And it makes me happy to have normal problems.

"So, Cam. How do you like it here?" I shrugged. He looked up at me, his lips slightly parted, gray eyes holding me right where I was. "You don't know how you like it here, or you just don't feel like talking?" I don't think he cares anymore that I don't like to talk much. It seemed like he might even enjoy getting something out of me--eveb ig it took all afternoon. I think he wants me to talk to him. About more than just work.

"I like it here. I just...didn't know how to phrase it."

"That was just fine, dont overthink it." He muttered. "Tell me about when you got hired." He sat back in his chair and folded is hands across his stomach, turning his gaze on me, giving me his full attention. It gave me chills to think of him paying no one and nothing else any mind.

"I was 16 and the old owner, Frieda, gave me a job because we were family friends." His eyebrows raised, clearing his throat. "You knew Frieda?" I nodded, looking over at the entrance, where I swear I just saw a spider. It's gone now. I wonder if it was real or not. What does it mean when you imagine a spider?

"I met her when I was thirteen I think. I kind of ran away from home after getting in trouble. I ended up sitting outside the shop and she came and comforted me until my parents finally found me. She told me she'd teach me how to cook. So she did and then offered me a job."

"Why did you run away?" He asked. "My dad was yelling at me and I don't like loud things. I don't like being yelled at, like any normal person I guess. I just felt like I'd messed up a lot and that they'd be better without me there for a while. I used to get that way a lot." The spider was back, crawling up the wall slowly, deliberately. I hate spiders.

"Well you were young. Young people don't always do the most rational things." I shook my head. "That's not why. I mean, it could have been, but it's not. I over think a lot of things and other thing I don't think about at all. I should have thought more, but I didn't know better."

"You're not really making any sense. You should have thought more about your decision to run away?" I shook my head. "About what I did. I was thinking, but not clearly. I don't know, sometimes I feel like stuff slips through the cracks in my mind and it doesn't get through to me until its too late."

"So that's why you got yelled at. Because you don't think enough? What about now? That your older?" He asked, leaning forward, a look of innocent wonder in his eyes. I liked that. I liked that he was interested in me and my thoughts. It was such a change from the norm. People would just look the other way instead of getting to know me.

"Now I just overthink everything. I get panic attacks a lot when I'm overwhelmed." Vaughn winced, like he knew what that was like. I hoped he did; for my sake, not because I wanted him to feel my pain. I just wanted him to understand. To know. "That's scary. Why do you overthink everything?" I shrugged.

"Lots of opportunity for something to go wrong, I try to get things to run as smoothly as possible so that I don't run into disaster. It just makes everything else really hard." Vaughn nodded, picking up his pen, looking down at his paper, and then tapping his pen on the table a few times. He chewed on his bottom lip, turning it red as he thought, his curls hanging down. His eyes flicked to mine and my face got warm, my hands twitched. I didn't know what I wanted them to do, but I just knew they didn't want to be here in my lap doing nothing while he was other there, not being touched by anyone.

He dropped his pen and clasped his hands together. The silence was comfortable, but thick. It was like we were talking to each other without even opening our mouths. I wanted to know what he was thinking. I wanted to know if he was thinking about what I was thinking about, even though I didn't really know what that was. He leaned back in his chair and sighed, looking back to his papers.

"So you like it here? You like the work, too?" It was like a switch flipped and he was suddenly all business again. I nodded, confused. He asked another question, and I went along with it. I didn't know what just happened, or if I imagined the entire thing. I felt like I'd just opened up like I was on an operation table for him and he'd just shut me down, like he didn't even care. Did he?

I couldn't have imagined it; the way he looked at me. Like he was so interested. Like he wanted to know me. Why did this always happen to me? I didn't want to be crazy. I didn't.

But was I?

"That's all that I needed." I snapped out of my thoughts as he stood. I blinked a couple times and stood too. He turned and started shuffling through some files in a cabinet off to the side, looking a little distracted. I didn't want to leave. The store was empty and quiet, it creeped me out to be at the front alone and I still had to wait for my mom to get me after I called her. I told her not to wait in the parking lot.

"A-are you okay?" I asked him. He froze and turned. He stared at me for a moment before nodding and offering a small smile. It wasn't a real one. "I'm fine. Are you okay?" I shook my head. "I'm confused."

"Why?" I shrugged. "It just seemed like you were interested in our conversation and then you just...stopped being interested."

"Cam, it was an employee eval. We got off topic, I lead us back on track."

"But you were being cold." He rolled his eyes at me, and it hurt a little. I felt like a little kid, trying to explain it to him. It didn't feel good. "I wasn't being cold, maybe you're just too sensitive."

"Sensitive or not, you're being a jerk right now, Vaughn." I stood my ground. "How? Cam, you thought our conversation was something it wasn't. I was trying to get to know you as my employee, okay? That's what bosses do when they are new. They try to get to know the people they employ and if they think they could be let go, they let them go.

"For example, I think you've been working here for years and you've only worked three hours every day you work and you're expendable. The work you and one other person do could be done by one person in the morning. Give me a good reason why I should keep you."

He was right, I am sensitive. I always have been. "I...I-I don't k-know. I..." I couldn't even defend myself. I knew it was true. I just loved coming here and making money and being able to enjoy it and not be just another person collecting disability because I was an active person. I liked getting out of the house and seeing the world. I didn't like sitting at home collecting dust on the shelf. I'm more than that.

I'm expendable. I'm useless. Absolutely fucking useless. But I loved this job.

"Cam, you should go, okay?" I stood there for a moment before nodding and turning to leave. I get outside and sink into one of the chairs, tears welling up in my eyes.

It was so hard to get this job; I didn't want to lose it. I didn't want Vaughn to hate me, either. It didn't feel very good at all.

"Cam?" I looked up to see Erin. She pulls up a chair and sits in front of me. "What's wrong, hun? Did your evaluation not go well?" I shrugged. She frowned at me but pulled me into a hug. "Oh, sweetheart. I know you were nervous about this. I want you to know that I'm proud of you for coming here and getting it over with. Its stressful, isn't it?"

I nodded. The evaluation was long gone now. All I thought about was Vaughn wanting to fire me. And not liking me. And looking at me the way he did earlier. Why did he matter so much?

***

This is the point to book really picks up, so I'm excited lol.

don't forget to tell me if you like this one!