Memoirs of The Slytherin Princess

November

November was a pretty uneventful month with perhaps two exceptions.There was the Gryffindor vs Slytherin Quidditch match early on in the month; a huge loss that Draco was certainly displeased with. And then later on in the month one of the prissy Gryffindor girls Arabella decided to spike out food with Puking Pastilles. I threw a complete fit when I found out it was her that pulled the stunt. I yelled and screamed so much in anger, and her face had quickly changed from a snigger to terror at my rage.

Draco held me by my hips, stoking them with his thumbs to get me to calm down. As nice as that was I was still fuming as be led me off to a quiet corner of the courtyard outside to cool down for a while. It was perhaps the first time we had a proper conversation that hadn't ended up in snogging. Nice to know he wasn't like that Diggory who I had kissed last year before he died in the Triwizard Tournament, who was strong but silent only due to lacking in the ability to string more than two words together. 

"You alright now?" Draco asked me tenderly, his arm around my waist. I was shivering a little in the chilly air but nodded slightly. His silver eyes caught mine for a second and he smiled sweetly. We sat in silence in the empty courtyard, some noise drifting through the open doors from the Great Hall where dinner was still going on. His hand rubbed my bare arm and pulled me towards him and I laid my head upon his chest. Maybe another fifteen minutes passed without a word passing between us; they just weren't necessary. Then I decided to speak. I wanted to ask him. 

"What's with us?" He looked at me confused so I elaborated. "We're either flirting or fighting. Not proper fighting but we always seem to be up against each other, trying to outdo ourselves. Where's it all going? What's the point?" I couldn't help myself. The past few days my heart had felt heavy and ached whenever I saw Draco. It was like a physical hurt when he was talking to Natalie and not me; and those times he decided to ignore me a while got me to a breaking point. One stupid little thing and I would completely fall apart or fly into a full-blown rage. I just couldn't control my emotions around him at all at the moment. 

But times like this when we were together; just us - the real us, no people to show up to - they were the times I held onto. I became a better person in those minutes. I know sometimes I am a complete bitch to everyone, and a tease while I'm at it too. But here I can relax and let all that go and just enjoy the high that is being with him.  I waited for his answer. I didn't know if he would. He probably doesn't give a damn; most wouldn't.

So I just waited without pushing him any further for an answer. I heard him swallow, and felt his chest expand as he breathed in the cool air, preparing to reply.  "Right now Kayla, I just don't know." My heart sank as I heard the words. I'd been stupid, why did I say anything? Now I look like a desperate fool. I wish I hadn't said anything; I made to get up but his arm tightened around me.Then he continued, "I want it to go somewhere, but I have some things that I have to sort out; to think about. It's important I get this right Kayla."  

I let the words wash over me, not really hearing them. I focused more on the sincerity in his eyes; the changing beat of his heart below my ear. This time when I went to stand up he didn't stop me. I gave him a smile, walked a couple of paces back towards the castle but he stood and spun me into a tight hug. I clung to him in the dimming light of the courtyard. When I looked up at him, he kissed my forehead, then my nose, took my hand and we went inside and back to the Common Room. 

And everything got better for a while. That ache vanished and we spent more than a few evenings curled up on one of the sofas in the Slytherin Common Room, just sitting together quietly. I wasn't trying anymore. I was having a go at being for a change. Being me.