chpt. 6
recap*
That was, yet again, another night I dreamt about Wade. This time? He was a Jerk in my dream. A sign? I don't know.
I wasn't quite sure but I think my feelings for Wade might be fading. All the things that he has done to me... but the only thing is, is that whenever I'm anywhere near him I feel like morning glories ( sparklers) are going off inside me everywhere. I really don't get it because if a monster pinned me up against the wall then I would not be having these feelings for him.
All these 16 year old hormones are confusing me big time and I don't know what to do anymore.
Mondays are always the worst because you have nothing to look forward to. Nothing because the next day is tuesday. More school. Yay. Not. Do I sound like I need depression pills? Maybe.
I walked down the hall towards my dented in locker counting the numbers. 129, 130, 131, 132, 133, 134, ah, 135. I put in my password and it opened loudly causing other's attention towards me. Great. I just love attention. Especially when one of those people showing me some is Wade Logan. He started to walk my way and my face instantly blushed a crimson color. I was trying to ignore him by organizing my books and things in my locker when he leaned up against the one to my left. He wasn't saying anything until after about 30 seconds I gave him a death look in the eye but my look was quickly silenced by the intense gaze he was burning into mine. He had a blank face but an intense stare, it was so intimidating.
I couldn't talk or even breathe so he did for me, " Do I intimidate you when I look at you this way Janelle?" Why do people do that. They just ruin the moment by asking a question that is so obvious.
" Do you speak the obvious for fun Wade?" I put emphasis on his name.
" So you admit it then. You really shouldn't give up so easily Janelle." Once again emphasis on the names. " It could get you into some trouble."
" Is that a threat?"
" No." So quick to speak.
" You aren't planning something are you Wade?" I just loved to return the favor of discomfort which seemed to be working as he shifted weight on his feet and broke the staring contest if that's what you could call it anyway. He left my side and when he turned his back he mumbled something that sounded like " Guess I am."
I just watched his retreating back walk down the hall and into his homeroom class.
That was when I noticed that the hall was deserted. Did I really miss the bell ringing?! Oh crap I'm late for my class. I ran down the hall forgetting to close my locker door and had to screech back around and close it then continued my amazing race.
I had my head down as I walked in and took my seat. The room was quiet and not- so-surprisingly when I looked up through my eyelashes the room was totally focused on me.
" Mrs. Whitley, great of you to join us this fine day. Please get out your Revolution homework from last night." My hag of a teacher moaned to me as she peered out from behind those 100x magnified glasses. Just then I remembered the homework due this second was the homework I fell asleep on top of last night. Great. See? Mondays are the worst.
I pulled out my last class homework and she came over and observed it and quickly moved on to the next student. What a bag. She didn't even notice that it was the wrong assignment. I giggled under my breath so she wouldn't come back.
45 minutes went by and the bell rang signaling the end of the day and I gathered my stuff and boarded my bus. I sunk down in the seat with my stuff next to me so no one would sit next to me.
I was glad that Wade took his car today so I wouldn't have to deal with him any longer.
Fifteen minutes later I escaped the bus ride and walked in my long driveway and keyed into the house. I plopped down on the couch for a long and boring night. I would probably get some sleep and go to bed early. So at 8:00pm I crashed and had a dreamless night for the first time in a while. For some reason I was upset about that. It was a situation where I should be glad because of my distaste for Wade but the odds were in my favor.
I prepared myself for another long day in hell and once more got on the big banana ride to school. Half way through the day I realized I was slightly happy but something was missing as I entered my English class. It wasn't something I had to think about. It was something I noticed right away and somewhere in me I missed him.
I wondered where he was.
What he was doing right this moment.
Was he thinking about me as I was him?
He couldn't be.
He had no feelings for me what so ever.
I realized that killed me.
I didn't want this. I did not want me to have these feelings for someone who treated me so. But I did and it was much stronger than like. It was love. I love Wade Joseph Logan. But it was all for nothing I realized because the love would never be shared.
I left school early and chose to walk home. They wouldn't miss me in gym class. I sat down to dinner that night with depression. My Mom kept asking me, " What's wrong honey? I served your favorite meal and you're just pushing it around your plate."
" Nothing. Just school's been tough. I'm tired too so can I just go to my room? I have some homework to do."
My Dad answered, " Sure honey. We understand. Get some sleep too."
I sauntered up the stairs and fwumped down on my bed staring at the ceiling.
Thinking.
About what it would be like if the feeling WAS mutual with Wade and I. I could almost feel his soft, urgent lips against mine when we found out the truth about each other.
I fell asleep like this. But, once again I didn't dream.
So what'd ya think? Kinda droned on but it's building up to a big part which will most likely be in the next chapta. So BE PREPARED!! some intense stuff comin' your way :)
