Cold Love

I'm In Love With Somebody/That's Not Me

I'm In Love With Somebody (And its not you)

When I woke that morning I wasn't expecting the guilt and regret on the face of the man I just spent the night with. Lear zipped up his pants and reached for his shirt, in turn I pulled the bed sheets closer to my chest, now embarrassed of my nude state.

"Don't hide for me. Ever." He had said to me last night. Now he couldn't make eye contact with me.

I saw his mouth moving, but the words fell on deaf ears.

I snatched up bed sheet with me, as I made my way to bathroom, grabbing a change of clothes from my draw as I went, I didn't have to listen to him, the way he look at me with those greenish-blue eyes was enough to carved out my heart.

I glared at my reflection in the mirror barely recognizing myself. I allowed my older cousin to dress me for her birthday party, with her borrowed clothes and hairstyle she and I could pass for twins. Lucia was a flashy girl, she wouldn't be caught dead, without her face perfectly made up and clothes showing how proud she was of her body. I took out the contacts that I slept in, which I would never do again, then scrubbed my face to remove any evidence of my cousin's handy work. The knock that came on the bathroom door I ignored it; turning on the shower and hopped in after ditching the bed sheet.

I could feel the tears as the water hit my face. I allowed the water to do its job as I thought how different I really was compared to my cousin. I was her complete opposite. Where she was loud, I was quiet. She enjoyed the center of attention and I would hide in the back. She was flirty and I was nerdy, but I loved her to death. Lucia was my best friend. Once my shower was over, I pulled my hair into it normal ponytail and donned on my glasses I left on the sink. Now I looked like myself, and I felt like myself too.

        And I felt horrible, I wanted so badly to brush off what Lear had said and pretend it didn't happen. But I couldn't because I have been in love with Lear since the first time I meet him three years ago. Of course he never noticed me, he barely spoke more than a few sentences to me, still it didn't stop me from dreaming. This was reality and I was going to have to face it sooner or later.

I left the bathroom, sure that Lear would be long gone. Taking comfort in my large sweater, I shuffled off to the kitchen, shocked to see the blonde at my kitchen counter with a cup in his hand and another across from him.

"Why are you still here?" I knew it sounded bitter, it was the only way to hide the depression in my voice.

"We have to talk...about listen night." His eyes never left the cup. I felt like I was walking to my death, as I sat across from him, I sipped the tea. My whole body shook and I scooted it away from me.

"You don't like it?"

"I don't drink my tea with honey, this is something more like Lucia would drink." For a split second I thought he cringed.

"Sorry, I'm guess I'm just use to her preference." When he finally looked in my direction the emotion climbed into my throat. I pushed the glasses up on my face and brought my attention to the invisible lint on my shirt.

"Look  like I said before, I am sorry about last night, it shouldn't have happen."

He confessed to me, didn't he?

"I want to kiss you...I wanted to do this for years."  He told me seconds before he kissed me. But his words and action did not match.

"I'm confused Lear, why are you saying this to me?"

He ran a hand through his hair, "I was drinking too much, I was selfish and I wasn't thinking, I didn't know it was you, I thought you was-"

"Lucia." He stopped short and stared at me with a panicked look.